I made a long post a while ago blocking everything. And it was a great idea at first, but it didn't worked out, probably because I have no accountability to anybody and I don't really care about anybody in general, it sounds harsh but present me is empty emotionally towards validation from others, good or bad is nothing, nothing upsets me and nothing makes my day. I think blocking its great when you are far in a streak and you don't just write 2 words enter and relapse, a blocker gives you the chance to rethink. Actually I went between 3 days relapse and 3 days clean, I am kinda fallen out in an old behavior to not be able to go past 3 days and its becoming harder to get out from addiction like day 1 two years ago. This week I heard a song from childhood and I kinda "relapsed" in my old songs from my highschool for a few hours and I remembered myself how great of a kid I was, I felt how much I miss my colleagues, myself from being kind of popular, liked by girls, confident in my dreams, writting poetry. So last night I wrote on a paper all triggers, all bad habbits that sort of lead into a relapse, to also fight the slacking that leads to depressive behaviors and eventually into porn, I wrote myself some good behaviors to replace the bad behaviors and how to start my mornings and how to plan my next day without being a stress bomb for a fucked up reward system. The most important piece is that I put a photo of me as a child above the monitor and I know I can't relapse like that, because I tried this in the past and I simply removed the photo and relapsed after few days, it defintely was something subconscious, I found a stupid reason like cleaning and never put it back. This morning as day 1, it damn worked, I woked up really horny because of the other day and I wanted to unblock but as I saw the imagine, I looked into the list I wrote and I didn't ignored trigger killers. I think in my case only the old innocent me can defeat this filth, I actually need to go back 10 years emotionally and re-learn to have same determination and consistency because my strength is not enough, the loneliness and shitty life I am living, most would have given up on it, porn took away a lot of my life and I literally have left only one cat and one dog, no job, no life, no friends, no hobbies, nothing to love, even the people I should love, I feel nothing for them, I am nothing at this moment, just a conscious suffering, but I will do it and regain my life back and do all the hobbies I wished as a kid, I will make my old me kid happy because I probably won't be able to have kids after this shit addiction. For me simply blockers don't work, I am unstoppable and I wish one day to put this trait into something constructive rather than destructive, I will let them enabled to have the chance for a second thought but they simply don't work when I am enabled, I need to kill the mood and wake up to reality and address to the innocence I still have left and reject the filth and degradation. I think my little story can work for othes too that feel lost.