Books about overcoming social anxiety.

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by blueclaw, Feb 28, 2016.

  1. blueclaw

    blueclaw New Fapstronaut

    I don't feel relaxed when I talk to strangers or girls. I want to overcome this, I have heard some books but I wanted to see your advices. Can you recommend me something useful?
  2. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

    Only one word: Practise.
    You simply need to expose yourself in such situations over and over. You will see how you become more and more relaxed.
    • Learn to ask questions in public.
    • Learn to object to opinions of others.
    • Learn to say "no".
    • Learn to guide and to lead others.
  3. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    Healing anxiety and depression by Daniel G. Amen and Lisa C. Routh
    This book is kinda academic and science stuffs.

    My opinion about books: don't trust overgeneralized practical self-help books. ( as a person who has been through a lot of lies in those books )

    And like SnowWhite said above: just do it. don't let your dream be dream. so just do it :p
    blueclaw likes this.
  4. mattytino

    mattytino New Fapstronaut

    Work in a gas station.
    Spend 10 hours a day giving eye contact into the blacks of the general public's eyes.
    You'll see improvement from as little as a fortnight to a month.
    Combine this with NoFap.
    No Fear.
    blueclaw likes this.
  5. I am someone with social anxiety who was able to completely overcome that and go from such severe social anxiety I couldn't leave the house for 2 years - to socialising and partying every day and feeling anxiety free for years.

    Unfortunately later on I got myself into bad situations, developed addictions, and so in the process of getting clean I had to isolate myself again for months - and now my social anxiety has returned. However, alongside NoFap it's my goal to rectify that again, and I didn't forget what I learned last time, or how I temporarily cured myself.

    So how does it work? First thing's first. Realise anxiety isn't a bad thing. Woah, hold up, that doesn't sound right does it? Well it's the truth. Every single human being, without exception, experiences anxiety, every single human being, without exception, experiences some degree of social anxiety at times.

    The difference between someone who is confident, and someone who is crippled by their social anxiety is simply a lack of familiarity with socialising. If you isolate yourself for too long, or dwell on the anxiety, it increases, and you eventually become a recluse who can't seem to break out and socialise. If on the other hand, you socialise in spite of your anxiety, then your anxiety will gradually decrease, until it becomes just a nagging almost imperceptible itch of nervousness that doesn't bother you in the slightest.

    Back to realising anxiety is a bad thing. If you get anxiety, what do you normally try to do? You start thinking "How can I make this stop", "I need to get out of here", "Oh no I can't do that", "Crap I'm anxious" and all these sorts of things. A trick I learned, the moment you feel anxious, say "I'm anxious. I accept that, that's cool! Nothing wrong with being anxious!". No-one can see your anxiety, and it is perfectly fine, and safe, to be anxious. Literally the only thing that sucks about anxiety is your reaction of fear when it happens. Accept the anxiety instead, and realise it's perfectly okay to be anxious, rather than trying to get rid of that anxiety, and something amazing happens.. it's like, it's no longer getting in the way of your decisions.

    So next up, back to practice. Do you have any friends as is? If you have even just one friend in real life, then use them as a crutch initially. Go out socialising with them, but ask them to take you to places where you'll be meeting new people you don't know. You can hang around and just talk with your friend the whole time, but you'll be exposing yourself to new places and new faces, and thus your experience in social situations grows, and your anxiety begins to reduce exponentially.

    Then, once you've gotten to know a few names of these other people, become friends with one or two of them, and next time, arrange to meet up with them instead of your prior friend. Then once you know where they hang out, maybe a local bar, or somewhere they go after school - just be brave and head there on your own the same time the next week. If you see the people you know there, great. If you don't, try and force yourself to at least say hi to a stranger there before heading home.

    Gradually escalate these activities, and your anxiety will decrease, and soon that terrifying dragon standing above you will just be a thorn in the ass that you can pluck out, toss to the side, and forget about for the rest of your life. You can do it man!
    cubs2516, SONofVEnus and volt2187 like this.
  6. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

    @blueclaw you asked for books so here's my recommendation: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.
  7. kk76

    kk76 Fapstronaut

    Whats life like if you are not MO and PMO?
    mattytino likes this.
  8. mattytino

    mattytino New Fapstronaut

    You feel like god.
  9. kk76

    kk76 Fapstronaut

    I find my anxiety and worry drops right down

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