hi, I am glad to be on this forum I am not really writing this to just deal with the loneliness I have, but really just to tell you all about my story. I genuinely feel I was born in the wrong time. Why? I dont have a profile pic on here, but I dress up in clothes from the 1920s,1930s 1940s and 1950s. I listen to old music from that time, I watch old movies, I song write, play guitar, I read books, and I am just generally a loner. I read the bible and attend church, and its funny because I get up and talk with the people there and I enjoy them (they are usually older then me), its the same when I play a live show, I go up and talk to people. One thing I love dearly is History, especially music history. I have done my own research, I have talked to old musicians who worked with some of my favorite artists, I have interviewed people. If being a History professor wasn't a field to get into, I would be doing it, but I just do this for my own enjoyment. I find when I talk to a lot of the older generation, we relate, and I find myself talking to them for hours. I just can't relate with most people my generation if they don't share any common interests with me, so I have really no friends, I have no girlfriend, and I really am not interested. It is not just because of the fact I am different, it is also because of my best friends death that I really don't feel interested in love or relationships. I lost him 3 years ago from a heart attack, and I found him dead, and it left me with trauma. I am not a social person, I don't go to parties, I don't hit up clubs, I go to book stores, antique shops, music stores, or I am at home. I sometimes might get a feeling I would feel better with a woman at my side, but I have been through so much and I am a man of tradition and most women today couldn't accept the idea of traditional marriage, having children, being committed for life to marriage, and being devoted to the church, so I drift along. I used to dream of having a wife and kids, but when my friend died, I felt all my dreams go away and reality kicked in; I don't see myself getting married, and the thought of it is almost fearful to me. Maybe I am just not looking hard enough or I am just not interested in loving someone else because I am worried the rest of my wounded heart will crumble? Sure, I have some "friends" who I might see once in a while from high school, or people online, but I don't exactly consider them friends. I am not doing NoFap in the hopes of finding a girlfriend, or making friends, I am doing it to clear my mind, to help me get close to god, and to let me get away from distractions in the news. I have been through a lot in my life, and I just want to have something I can say I have achieved. I am sorry for this long ramble, but I felt this might be a good time to write about myself, and let people know they are not alone.