boyfriend obsessed with my nudes-edging

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ObviousToTheCasual, Apr 18, 2021.

  1. ObviousToTheCasual

    ObviousToTheCasual Fapstronaut

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    I need advice because I do not know what to do. My boyfriend has an issue with edging (http://spaa-recovery.org/wp-content/uploads/What-is-Edging.pdf) and we both want to work towards sobriety. A few days ago he requested some videos/photos of me and I happily obliged, but he has told me that he has been completely obsessed with them, up to the point where he has masturbated three times in a span of eight hours. He told me he can't get the images out of his head and that he can't stop thinking about them, to the point where he cannot do anything else but obsess over the images. He told me to delete the images I've sent, but he is having trouble deleting them off his camera roll. We both did not expect this to happen. He said he has never felt this obsessed before.

    What can I do to help him stop? and to focus on other things? I have already deleted the images, it is now up to him to delete them. For the time being, I will not send anything else. If someone is currently going through SPAA and/or is struggling with edging, is there something I can do to help my boyfriend get through this? Thanks
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  2. AmazingBulk

    AmazingBulk Fapstronaut

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    I’d suggest looking into OCD. Sounds like the same issues I have and just recently I’ve learned I suffer from severe OCD disorder.
     
    Lilla_My likes this.
  3. ObviousToTheCasual

    ObviousToTheCasual Fapstronaut

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    funny you say that, his therapist suspects him of having ocd
    is there any type of therapy/counseling you suggest? he's already going through dbt for other reasons
     
    Lilla_My likes this.
  4. Retentionman

    Retentionman Fapstronaut

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    He needs to gain control of his emotions and reactions, maybe tell him to start meditation daily. It's a great way to control oneselves and thoughts
     
  5. SickSicko

    SickSicko Fapstronaut

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    Let me see if I get this straight... he is fapping obssesibly to pictures of yourself, when he is in a relationship with you? instead of trying to have intercourse with you?

    OCD or not OCD I think is quite mental...

    I'm no expert but sounds like a porn addict that is having a super rush from having some personalized pornographic material.

    To be honest I struggle to get my head around it.

    I would recommend a daily therapy of no-porn, no-nudes.
     
    brassknucks likes this.
  6. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    Why would he rather jerk it to your pics instead of going to you directly? Just, WOW.
     
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  7. Hachiraya

    Hachiraya Fapstronaut

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    This is why phones suck. Where is the real touching? Where is real comunication? Why tf sending nudes makes someone feel better? Like I get it - it's a girl you like, but why the fuck you can't just touch someone you love. Even if you can't do it now - do it later. Save up that thirst, that hunger for love.
     
  8. ObviousToTheCasual

    ObviousToTheCasual Fapstronaut

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    we are only face to face one-two days a week, usually with little time on our hands
    he prefers to not spend all the free time we have being sexual and doesn't like the idea of both of us getting there if it takes a long time
    I'm pretty inexperienced so it takes me a long time (20min-hour)
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  9. ObviousToTheCasual

    ObviousToTheCasual Fapstronaut

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    he feels less guilty doing it to my images versus other images of other girls
    it's an addiction, I just wish I could help him through it, i feel pretty unuseful
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  10. AmazingBulk

    AmazingBulk Fapstronaut

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    Maybe try a Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT). They might be able to help with the sexual part of the issue a lot more. There’s a few good books on audible that talk about it as well.

    I’ve just started “because we are bad” by lily bailey but there’s a lot of other material on OCD that has been eye opening for me personally. There was an article posted on these threads around here somewhere that talks about it too. If I remember later on I’ll find it and post it here.
     
  11. ObviousToTheCasual

    ObviousToTheCasual Fapstronaut

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    thank you
     
  12. SickSicko

    SickSicko Fapstronaut

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    I mean the not having much time to be together is problematic, but there must be a way you both can figure it out, to give some time to be just together doing whatever, and to have some sexy time.

    "he doesn't like the idea" ... a bit self centered in my humble opinion.

    Excuses is all I hear...
    He needs to stop it, period.
     
  13. It is clear that you are trying to help him. If he's aware of that, then your support should already be a big help. I bet it means a lot to him that you are staying by his side through this. :)

    And, I think I get where he is coming from. It's porn addiction. He's craving that hit that he gets from looking at porn and had the idea that maybe photos of you would work. Unfortunately, the idea turned out to be a mistake. Perhaps he's getting even more aroused by the risk and other emotions involved (i.e. now it's like you are a porn star, and he's dating a porn star). Clearly if he masturbated 3 times in 8 hours, then the project was a colossal mistake and he was right to abort the idea, asking you to delete the photos.

    What he needs is no porn. That is the only way that he is going to recover. That seems clear from the SPAA material that you included.

    And, BTW, thank you for sharing that! I have never heard of SPAA before and that was really helpful! :)
     
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  14. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    I agree with tenpercent here. He needs to go off it. That may go hand in hand with you waiting a little bit and being patient with his recovery.
     
    Lilla_My and +TenPercent like this.
  15. Yeah that's called creating a false dilemma. "If I don't jerk off to my partner I will jerk off to other women, which is far worse." But he doesn't have to jerk off to anyone, at least not compulsively.

    At the end of the day it doesn't really matter who or what we're fapping to. The problem is a lack of impulse control. Our first objective should be to control our impulsivity, and then we can have a long philosophical discussion on the merits of who we decide to think about when we beat our meat.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2021
  16. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Well at least it was to pictures of you and not another woman.

    Anyways make him give you the camera so you can delete them. Afterwards, just work it out with him. Maybe make him go to therapy. A lot of girls leave their boy friends because of porn addiction. It is commendable that you are staying.
     
  17. AmazingBulk

    AmazingBulk Fapstronaut

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  18. ObviousToTheCasual

    ObviousToTheCasual Fapstronaut

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    He has told me he has never looked at pornography, just pictures off instagram/snapchat/social media before I met him. He's trying to put an end to the habit though and I'm really proud that he's trying earnestly. Anyways, thank you for all the replies. I've attended some therapy sessions with him before and he feels more comfortable when I am there, so I will keep trying to do that. I'll also look into more about ocd tendencies and maybe a csat
     
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  19. Brokenwings27

    Brokenwings27 Fapstronaut

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    Sorry but every man has looked at pornography hes just saying that to either not hurt your feelings or too shy to admit it
     
  20. SickSicko

    SickSicko Fapstronaut

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    [​IMG]
     

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