Boyfriend says he doesn't watch porn but something seems off?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by SeaBunny, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. SeaBunny

    SeaBunny New Fapstronaut

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    Hello, I am new to the forum and have been dating the same guy for over 5 years. At the start of the relationship he told me he was going to stop watching porn so the relationship stays "strong". He was an addict before dating me (or so he said). At first, I didn't pay it no mind but after a long while our sex stopped being...I don't know how to put it--"making love"? It was more about just "fucking" rather than the intimacy of how it used to be. There was no more kissing or foreplay or anything like that... just straight to the penetration.

    But now recently, he has started to be WAY more open with things he's been into (kinks/fetishes, if you will) which I like and have told him thatst what I wanted in our relationship. I'm all for a more open relationship when it comes to what each other is into. It's nothing weird. Just normal stuff, but he's never been this open to talk about it before?

    But recently I asked if he watched porn while I wasn't home (just out of curiosity since he promised he wouldn't at the start of the relationship), but he just gets very defensive. He says he doesn't, but in a very rude way and says things like, "if you don't trust me then you don't respect me as a person" or "you're gaslighting me".

    I guess what I'm asking, from your pov does it sound like he's actually lying and the newly opening up of what he's into (secrets he's never told anyone mind you) is some stuff he's picked up from watching porn or if opening up is a sign of him actually keeping his promise and wanting to be more open for the relationship...?

    Like I said I'm new here. So I don't know the signs from a past porn viewers side.

    Am I just being paranoid?
     
    Nugget9 likes this.
  2. SeaBunny

    SeaBunny New Fapstronaut

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    I should also state that he has told me I can look at his phone and pc history if I wanted to.
     
  3. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    My gf complained about sex is too "business" sometimes so I had to adjust into more caring and light touch her sometimes. She also understood I just wanna release sometimes so we kind of do half and half. You need to tell him what you want too.

    For the lying or not part, you need to make him feel comfortable to tell you even if he did watch p. Tell him honesty matters to u a lot and u r not trying to hurt him so he needs to man up and not get offended. It also depends on his definition of addict u mentioned. Did he pmo every day? Or only like once a month? Some so may batch at me but p like once a month for fun and not depending on it is not addiction imho.
     
    SeaBunny likes this.
  4. SeaBunny

    SeaBunny New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the reply!

    Well, before we started dating be told me he looked at it so often that he became desensitized to actual sex with his gf at the time. So that's why they ended up breaking up. He tells me that's why he wanted to change for this relationship. I just dunno if that's true or not. :(
     
  5. SeaBunny

    SeaBunny New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the reply and your time

    Well, as for the things he was into (like his kinks and fetishes) he told me he was always into them before he started dating me. Just never was able to act on any of them with his past gfs and that's why he isn't with them anymore.

    Also thanks for the definition on gaslighting. I didn't know why he used it against me, but it really hurt my feelings (which he later apologized for once I told him that).
     
  6. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    This won't give you proof of him not using P. P users can use private browsing, and get very good at cleaning up the digital breadcrumbs if they download anything etc.
     
    Susannah and Tannhauser like this.

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