Break up with my girlfriend, feeling depressive

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by oooo, Jan 8, 2017.

  1. oooo

    oooo Fapstronaut

    Hi all,

    I just want to clear my mind, my girlfriend broke up on me today.
    We had a relationship for a few weeks, we did not see each other very much because we both had busy schedules. So i got this message from her today that she ends the relationship because she had a good conversation with her mom (think her mom told her to break up with me, because the week before she was totally in to me) about it blalbalabla and came to the conclusion that she is not ready for a relationship. (just a bullshit excuse to get rid of me.) I expected to feel very bad but luckily i don't. I had a bit of pain in near my heart when i heard it. But now a few hours later is it gone. I am currently 23 years old, and she was my first girlfriend.

    But i feel lonely now, i feel like my live sucks tremendously because i do have maybe three real friends which i see one time in three months. The rest of the time i am learning, working on my company or spending my time in the gym. What is bothering me is the fact that i can't establish real relationships with people i always feel that something is not right for year now. But can't solve it. I think i need to move out of house. But that is not so simple as it sounds at the moment. Not that that is going to solve all my problems but it might solve some of my problems.

    I need to get shit done, and make friends but i can't get connection with people, sometimes i do for example in the gym i talk with people but it feels awkward all the time. And never ends up in real friends.

    I actually like going out but i am almost never doing it because i don't have a group of friends to go with.
    This might sound as a booh booh cry story, but i am wondering why i can't relate with other people like other people can and enjoy my live like others do. Its like my live sucks all the time. And i know i might be responsible for it my self. But at the age of 23 its not so easy to make new friends in a small city. Almost all people have their groups of friends which with they chill. And most people are not so open minded to add new people to their inner circle.

    I know what i want out of live, i think like most people just a group of nice friends a beautiful and sweet girl and a nice house.

    But now at the moment i am actually kind of depressive, i feel time is runnning and i am not moving into the direction i want to.

    I suspect no one is gonna read this but thanks anyway if you do!
    Sailor93 likes this.
  2. Chicken Fart

    Chicken Fart Fapstronaut

    Hey man, I'm sorry she broke up with you, but if she was so fickle then don't be bothered by it as it's her who has priority confusion.
    Now on to you feeling like you need to get shit done, needing to make friends, needing to move out... I can ensure you that the world around you will never be the way you want it, to achieve that you'd have to be some kind of a tyrant or dictator. If you are feeling in a state of unease, then at least start by taking care of the one you can entirely control. You. Before trying to search outwards for a solution... Look inwards.

    You should have complete control over your mind, instead it seems to be somewhat paving your path without your conscious decision. Your emotions, your thoughts of negativity.. As Sadhguru said, If it was up to you, would you keep this one in a state of bliss and joy, or a state of misery? .. But what seems to happen is that the mind is constantly telling its own story, driving on its own, with its compulsive reaction to outer situation constantly affecting your behaviour and your experience.

    Existence as a psychological being is torture, because experientially, it is beyond the mind, but as a life, you are able to blissfully enjoy every moment of this life, if you attain a perception that does not distort reality for you, not clouded by identifications or attachments. Not saying detach from the ego and all that crap, thats falsehood, for convincing someone that they have this thing called ego inside them will make them a schizophrenic over time, separating the one that they are into two. Life is conscious, as are you to some level. You can raise it enough to change the chemistry of your experience quite entirely if you realize the space between yourself and your mind-body. Once you let loose of identifications, clarity sets in and you can finally listen to life.

    I support you in moving out man, I for one want to as well :D I wanna spend time outside alot more, moving among diverse environments from the natural to the concrete jungles, I just wanna see more of this beautiful world. I'm in University though so it's tough.

    I wish you bliss and a happy life man :D
    Sailor93 likes this.
  3. Kennen

    Kennen Fapstronaut

    My brother and her girlfriend had many arguments and quarrel before..
    They did broke-up actually..

    However, it's in the past.. They're still in-relationship until now.
    I am still noticing quarrels from them but it's because they care for each other.

    I believe you can still somehow fix yours.
  4. Sailor93

    Sailor93 Fapstronaut

    Your story doesn't sound like a booh booh cry story at all. It sounds very real and a lot of people here can relate to (parts of) your story. To start on a positive note, you study, you have a company and you work out. That doesn't sound like a life that sucks! It looks like you are a very active person, and a lot of people on this forum don't have that. So good job on that!
    I'm 23 too, and I am also feeling that I am running out of time, I ve never had a girlfriend and I cant see my friends that often becaue I work abroad for most of the year. It s some feeling under my skin, like some kind of panic that I will miss everything that people of our age are doing. But to be honest, a lot of people pretend they have a lot of friends (on social media) and a girlfriend, but when you meet these people in real life, I often think of how hollow, shallow and false their relationships are. Its better to have 3 true friends than 40 pretenders. Often these relationships are opportunistic. You study the same course, sit next to each other in class, study together, but after 3 years in college, you dont even bother texting them. I studied in a maritime academy with few girls, these girls always sat together and looked like best friends, but 2 years after graduation, these girls dont even see each other. Its often a purely opportunistic realitionship. Very few people have real friends, especially when they get older.

    In an ordinary gym, it's very hard to make good friends. I knew tons of people there, but I cant call them friends. Its more small talk. If you want more sense of community, I suggest you join a crossfit gym, if you have that in the area where you live. In a crossfit gym, ego is crushed because everybody is dead exhausted at the end of the workout. You are all suffering and that opens more doors for real friendship.

    What I try to tell myself is, that life doesnt end when you turn 30, it only starts then! There is soooooo much time left, for girlfriends, for friends, for work, for training. These thoughts tend to calm me down.

    Just keep working on yourself and your company/study, your on the right course!
  5. oooo

    oooo Fapstronaut

    Thanks all really appreciate the kind words.
    But i feel like live has no purpose for me, sometimes i am thinking about suicide however i am not doing it because of my family.
    At the moment i am so depressed, its so hard to see everyone around you make progress in their lives.
    I am studying but i am now actually thinking about quitting because i am not such a good learner and everyone around me is doing it i would not say easy but way more easy than me.
    I work my ass of to get good grades and even than i fail. I know it is a bad habit to compare yourself with others but i keep doing it.
    Maybe it will all pass and better times come but its a feeling which i cannot control momentarily i have pain around my heart and i am stressed as fuck because of the exams i will get next week.
  6. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

    I also dont have a girlfriend or any friends right now and finding some seems really hard. my main goals and dreams are also just a girl and friends and a nice house. We need to make the vision a reality by taking action. The only thing standing in the way is ourselves we need to be resourceful and keep trying to form these connections with people even if it means stepping outside our comfort zone.

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