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Breaking into new social circles

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by DisciplineYourMind, Nov 3, 2015.

  1. Nov 3, 2015 #1
    DisciplineYourMind

    DisciplineYourMind Fapstronaut

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    I'm sure you've all experienced things like this before. You show up to an event or occasion you've been told about, and everybody knows each other. They have in-jokes, they know who they can poke fun at, and who they can't. They know each others friends and family. They have shared memories to talk about, etc. etc.

    And then there's you. You try to make conversation. You have nothing to say, so you ask too many questions, which ends up putting people off. You sit around on your phone pretending to be doing something or texting somebody, when in actual fact you're just flicking through Facebook or even your home-screen because you have nobody to talk to. You decide to go home early because you can't stand the isolation. You say goodbye to everybody and for some reason they act disappointed that you're leaving, even though you hardly know them. You walk away and they return to their loud, laugh filled conversation, having completely forgotten you. You wish you had just stayed at home instead of wasting your time.

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    This is a problem that I've had for quite a while - breaking into new social circles. Part of the NoFap challenge for me, is trying to make new friends and getting to know people better. Unfortunately though, I have great difficulty in breaking in to new social circles, especially where many of the people already know each other quite well. The situation described above happens far more often than I care to admit.

    Advice? Anybody experience similar problems?
     
    DisciplineYourMind, Nov 3, 2015
    DisciplineYourMind, Nov 3, 2015
    #1
    DRD and Iggy like this.
  2. Nov 3, 2015 #2
    g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    I think its difficult, but maybe try with smaller groups first
     
    g2stop, Nov 3, 2015
    g2stop, Nov 3, 2015
    #2
  3. Nov 3, 2015 #3
    kevinkevin19

    kevinkevin19 Fapstronaut

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    Either try to give more effort into making friends with those people, or find another group. I suggest finding groups with shared interests or hobbies so that you would have more similarities with each other.
     
    kevinkevin19, Nov 3, 2015
    kevinkevin19, Nov 3, 2015
    #3
  4. Nov 3, 2015 #4
    Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Ok, this is coming from a guy who always had resentments against smart phones and stuff - using my phone without internet myself - but anyway, here are my two cents: I always get very irritated when people start staring at their phone, at bus stops and in the metro (making it look like the real world is too boring for them), but even more so when they're around people (obviously isolating themselves). May be you could just try to avoid this? This is only one detail, but may be putting in just a little more effort will already help. All the best! :)
     
    Headspace, Nov 3, 2015
    Headspace, Nov 3, 2015
    #4
  5. Nov 3, 2015 #5
    tacomanarrows

    tacomanarrows Guest

    Yeah this happens to me as well. I have found that asking questions is of limited value if they are like 'what do you do?' where do you live?' as they isolate people from the group. If it is a big loud group then you gotta go big and loud as well if you want to get noticed.
     
    tacomanarrows, Nov 3, 2015
    tacomanarrows, Nov 3, 2015
    #5
  6. Nov 3, 2015 #6
    Iggy

    Iggy Fapstronaut

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    Not sure if you're asking for advice or just sharing your experience haha, but it's best just to find common ground, try crack a few jokes to ease people up. It's not the easiest thing to do, breaking into a social circle and some are more cliquey than others, but sometimes you can come away with a good new friend
     
    Iggy, Nov 3, 2015
    Iggy, Nov 3, 2015
    #6

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