Bringing out your inner personality

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Lost_forever, Jan 23, 2021.

  1. Lost_forever

    Lost_forever Fapstronaut

    68
    113
    33
    I have this problem where I can never do or say the things I want to do. Its like I have 2 different personalities and the one talking and moving around isn't me. I'm not trying to brag but I am a pretty interesting person yet I don't act like I am, when I tell people the things I've done they seem shocked like they don't believe that I could or have done that. It's not like a disorder, its more like a clash between the person I was back when I was an addict and the person I am now or trying to become, and it seems like the former is winning. I'm trying to get better at talking to girls but whats the point if I can't say or do what I want. Does anyone have any advice, or has anyone experienced something like this.
     
    primaljade and Reborn16 like this.
  2. Yes.
    There is you
    And there is your ego

    Your ego is the image you want to project to people. What you want to to achieve, get to feed the inner void you feel inside.
    When you talk to people with ego, it's not you. That's why you have the feeling that it's not you talking. You're stuck in a certain image. That's not freedom Indeed.

    And there's the real you. The happy, emotional, interesting you. That doesn't need anything and anyone. Who are not focused on the future but aware that the moment is enough on its own

    Self love and being aware that becoming the best version of yourself to exist in the eyes of others is bullshit, are the best cure

    Take action not to get something but to express your deep identity. Be aware that a happy future doesn't exist. Live in the present. Take care of yourself before taking care of others.
     
    Baowistop and PeterGrip like this.
  3. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

    388
    252
    63
    why don't you tell us some of the things you'v done? i love me a good story (and might use it if i ever get around to dating humans).
     
  4. AlexRoIs

    AlexRoIs Fapstronaut

    33
    42
    13
    What you can do is practice, practice, practice, practice and practice
     
  5. Navier

    Navier Fapstronaut

    36
    49
    18
    What do you mean you can't? Dating's supposed to be fun. Just say and do what you feel is fun and comes naturally to you and see how things go
     
  6. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

    982
    1,289
    123
    I hear you man. Think I can relate a lot...

    People seem to attach a few quick labels for each person. This makes it easier to process whether they are friend or foe, and where they may lie on the social ladder. Quiet, loud, nerdy, sporty, etc. For the longest time I resented this, but it seems to be biological nature. Imagine being in a small tribe, you'll want to easily identify who acts and in what way!

    So how do you change? Small habits over time.

    Imagine what your ideal lifestyle would be in 5 years time...

    How many times a week do you workout? Do you work in a job you're passionate about? What do you do for fun?

    You simply take action today to reach those goals tomorrow. You won't have to wait until you're at the goals - for each day spent working towards them is a day on you purpose which you can feel fulfilled with. And when you have purpose, things like walking up to a girl become a lot easier, simply because you're confident in who you are as a person.


    At the end of the day, even if you're living your best life, someone will think you're shit. This is good, you've just polarized them the wrong way and you can bet someone else thinks you're great! You can't please everyone and nor should you try. Just treat people how you want to be treated and accept that sometimes we all get it wrong and assume someone is something they're not.

    If this really bothers you still, I would recommend a book 'the subtle art of not giving a f*ck'.
     
  7. Lost_forever

    Lost_forever Fapstronaut

    68
    113
    33
    I actually saw that book when I was picking up a copy of 12 reasons, I wanted to get another book and it caught my eye, but ultimately I decided to go with Atomic habits. I think I'll take your recommendation and pick up a copy. Also thanks for the advice I actually started a new job recently and I can't help but notice how much attention I'm getting, its kind of relieving because now I see the difference between dating apps and real-life. I'm still having trouble saying what I want but I'm slowly coming around the girl I'm trying to date is also very shy so I don't want to mess this up.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  8. Lost_forever

    Lost_forever Fapstronaut

    68
    113
    33
    Bro I know but I'm just having a hard time convincing my brain I've changed, it still thinks I'm the same loser that couldn't talk to girls. And dating apps have pushed that narrative further, even though now I know just how different talking to a girl in real life is compared to an app. The point is my brain still thinks I'm a losser so its trying to force that losser mentality on me. I'm just going to try and say what I mean without thinking too much about it.
     
  9. Lost_forever

    Lost_forever Fapstronaut

    68
    113
    33
    I haven't really done a lot, I am in a wierd position here where literally all my friends have gone to the Military, and I'm still waiting to get a job. I don't know whether I should make new freinds or just tough it out until I finnaly ship out. Anyways the reason I'm saying this is because that's the best ways to meet a girl when you're out with your freinds, you could just do volunteer work cause I've met some really great women in volunteer events but make sure you choose something you atleast care about.I've tried dating apps and talking to girls around me. Dating apps are a huge waste of time but if you've got the right profile and ask interesting questions you'll get a match. If you want to try use hinge, but tinder and bumble are a huge waste of time, unless you are exceptional good looking and crafty. Even then you'll mostly get bots and girls of questionable status. In fact dating apps are useless compared to interacting with women in real life, the difference is like night and day. I was so depressed that I didn't get as many matches as I thought I started thinking that I might be unattractive, then I go out and girls are checking me out left and right, its always better to talk to girls in real life.
     
  10. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

    982
    1,289
    123
    It helped me a lot, and I also got a lot from his book on dating 'Models'.

    Great to hear you're seeing the difference in a new environment!

    And man if you're comparing online dating with real world prospects, I can agree the difference is astounding. Getting heaps of match fails (or no matches at all) can do wonders for our confidence... And then just one good interaction with a quality girl brings us back to reality.

    Best of luck with the shy girl. Don't forget the abundance mindset though, ironically when we acknowledge more options and aren't so worried about one girl we tend to perform better!
     
  11. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

    308
    287
    63
    What kinds of things do you want to say/do? To me, the point of a date is to see if both of us enjoy our time together enough to become friends/lovers. If we don't like each other, that's an incompatibility issue beyond my control so I don't sweat it too much. The only thing in my control is what I decide to talk about, how to look, and a plan for the logistics.

    Great advice!
     

Share This Page