British male in 30s looking for AP looking to do 90 days again. I need support.

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Libero, Nov 16, 2016.

  1. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    Day 10- A few hours more for a victory. Now the questions arise, how do I want to use it.? Do I build off it or do I set it aside as a nice trophy and fall back, then go for a bigger trophy? The thing about trophies is they accumulate on the shelf and collect dust. If you're still going back to the same dung, albeit less frequently what are you accomplishing? I don't know, perhaps some progress. Yet the chain, it still binds.
     
  2. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    Made 10 day goal. Then M relapse. New goal- 14 days.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2017
  3. stegiss

    stegiss Fapstronaut

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    Day 0 for P again.
    At some point, always a very strong urge to 'just a little bit' sets in.
    I am having really difficulties fighting this for longer time.
    At least, you guys and this page dragged out of it again after some minutes.
    It has been 19 days - something to build on.
     
  4. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    By all means build on it stegiss. That's the least we can do.
     
  5. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    Relapsed with PMO. I'm not sure what's next; but there will be a plan. Quitting is not one of them.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2017
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  6. enigmaaa

    enigmaaa Fapstronaut

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    Claw..donot set goals of reaching..10 days.,20 days..90 days...we..can show off our progress that motivating..for all but REAL aim should finding and cleaning..the root cause.of our.fappn about two weeks into hard mode..one would be hit by intense blocked up resurfacing..emotions fears..etc these need to addressed.without.fapping..and urges need to be transmuted.into some other activities..elese even months..of forceful abstaining..is a form of repression..just.waiting.to break free ..stay strong.brother..and fight on....
     
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  7. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. You are right. But repression is all I have now. The way I see myself now disturbs me. All I have is to accomplish a goal that I have never done. After that, good or bad there will be something new. I am no longer counting up but counting down. Now, 66 - 1...
     
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  8. enigmaaa

    enigmaaa Fapstronaut

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    Repression is messed that's what Freud and other modern psychologist said ..it's the basis of all form of extreme sexual disorders..the urges when repressed get..stored in subconscious level as seeds of unfulfilled desires..and wait for the right moment to manifest ..in some extreme form (mentioned in yoga books..) sublimation is necessary ..I have made a mistake of forceful suppression since last 2 yrs. Messed up my mind in the most sickest way..imaginable..can't even mention it...the more powerful the urge the more time it will take. But find a way that suits..you.it could be anythin..I remember a line from Arnold in pumping iron..he said "when I work out my whole body seems like orgasmic;it's like I am having sex with myself" (I have never gone to gym ..just once or twice..)..meditation is helping .me planning to go to gym after a month..stay strong and fight in brother
     
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  9. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    I had a bad weekend with lots of relapsing. I have gotten back up. I have some work to do. I will strive to not repress but instead progress.
     
  10. stegiss

    stegiss Fapstronaut

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    I really like this threat. The discussion is insightful and thought provoking.
    I also figure that counting will make it more difficult to stay away, because you force yourself to constantly think about what you originally want to get rid of.
    Still, it is good and motivating to know - kind of like a milestone. Maybe a compromise can be to just set the starting point here in the forum and then forget about it - and don't count. You can still look it up if you are interested later.

    These thoughts about repression: Sound very good and logical and I will think about it more and try and find ways to not repress.
    To be fair: practical implementation appears difficult to me right now. How would you succeed not repressing? I mean, at least initially? It will need time to change habits and I am missing a good way to bridge that initial period (how long is it anyway? 3 months? 6 months? 12 months?).
    For now, I am trying to accept how nature works: We are living creatures and have our needs. This shall not be denied. I will try to listen more closely to what my body needs and try not to repress any desire. PMO is not the only way please your body. Maybe this is a viable way out of here.

    Any further suggestions welcome. What are your 'replacements'? What experiences did you make and what works best for you? For me, I did not find any adequate replacement yet. I mean, I am doing sport a lot and I enjoy, also languages - but it does not give me a kick of any kind or anything.

    (for completeness and what actually brought me here: complete relapse to PMO today - but I decided I will just accept it and continue. I went a long time without M and my actual problem is P which always drags me back.)
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2017
  11. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for asking good questions. They were on my mind also but I did not have the energy to ask them as I was busy allowing myself to give in to PMO this weekend and yesterday. Things are clear now, for awhile, as I have been brought low and humbled by these recent events. Moving forward I will be paying less attention to the counter though I was not willing to get rid of it.
     
  12. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    Moving forward to day 3, I guess it's called hard mode. I will not be announcing my count daily as I don't want to pay too much attention to it. If I relapse, I will announce it. Call it accountability.
     
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  13. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    It's been a little over a week since my last relapse. I know I have to stand and make new inroads in my brain. I am majorly screwed up. My inclinations are always pointed to sexual things. I have done this to myself. Now I have to suffer through the reprogramming. I don't see any other way.
     
  14. stegiss

    stegiss Fapstronaut

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    Fighting back to become more efficient again. I have been demotivated, tired, slept badly over the last couple of days.
    Today finally is a real change. I will try and keep it up for longer this time.
    Reprogramming your mind is a tedious task because you are fighting against yourself. Attacks are coming at times when I am weak. Also, feelings tell me I want to but I have to convince myself of the opposite.
     
  15. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    Sounds familiar. My 10th day and I'm feeling pretty down. I have to fight through.
     
  16. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    14th day on the march. This road is certainly less traveled. I wish I could reach in deep and express to the world how I feel. Living the way I have lived, it is hard to express. I do believe that my brain has to be rewired along with my world view. I cannot clime back inside my hole of escape and pleasure.
     
  17. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    Everyone has their blind spots. Areas in their life where they don't realize how bad things are. Seems like sex addiction is the worse kind of stuff. Nothing else exceeds the fear and shame factor involved with porn. Nothing exceeds the slow burn destruction that this addiction inflicts upon an individual. Your not in a drug stoned constant seeking a fix state which ends in total collapse or death. You just live your life in a hazed zombie like state fulfilling your duties but just barely living. A no stop cycle of quitting and giving in, quitting and giving in ad nauseum. Included is the slow acknowledgement that you are only living half a life.
     
  18. stegiss

    stegiss Fapstronaut

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    full ack. But since you brought yourself into this mess there is also a clear way out by adapting your habits back to the old days again.
     
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  19. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    There were no "old days" for me. Maybe when I was 12 on 10 but even then I was living in a fog of futility and fear. Maybe I had some psychological or mental problems that never got dealt with. A psychologist I was seeing had theories. For me, there are only new days. And you're right, it's on me. I have to live with a new program.
     
  20. RAVENCLAW6

    RAVENCLAW6 Fapstronaut

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    Day 9- Foolish thoughts and foolish actions are a part of my evening hours. No PMO though. Taking one day at a time.
     

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