Broke up with my girlfriend over fears over future, worried now that porn could have contributed

stmos said:
I hear you, bro, my pile of shame is enormous at this point. And yet I just started an knights army >.> (there is no shame here).
With me, I’m working about 45 hours a week, plus I’m helping my wife finish her graduate degree and now I’m taking care of all the household chores because between her job and her school she doesn’t have any time or energy for it. Plus my mom’s got dementia and it’s just a mess. So I don’t really get a lot of time to game either. Next week I’m planning on taking a day off from work so I can just paint and do hobby work.
With me I relapse primarily because of stress.
It’s hard to get yourself on a normal sleep pattern, I’m still not good at it, I just wish it would be a lot easier.
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Sorry about your mum dude. Its literally impossible for me to have a sleep pattern, everytime i get a new assignment (several times a week) i need to pull all nighters to get them done. 2 cans of monster daily atm. Im crashing out when term ends and spending a whole week painting my world eaters man.
 
Chaos Spayce Marine said:
Sorry about your mum dude. Its literally impossible for me to have a sleep pattern, everytime i get a new assignment (several times a week) i need to pull all nighters to get them done. 2 cans of monster daily atm. Im crashing out when term ends and spending a whole week painting my world eaters man.
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That sounds like that’s gonna be a productive and really relaxing week. How much longer do you got in your program?
It’s crazy how much they expect us all to do basically for free whenever we’re in one of those programs. Or in my wife’s case, they have to pay for it. My wife has another year left in her program. Then she has an internship which is going to be another whole level of hell.
I wish I had a magic button for you to help you out here, man but it just sucks.
And that’s OK.

I wish you the best and I’m proud of you for being so honest.
 
4 days down, its a slog atm, will be up till 3am doing uni stuff, decent shoulder workout though, new OHP PB. Transitioned from anxiety to sadness, passing through the flatline, unreliable friends dont help. Its crazy right, you start moving forward and trying to progress your life and a good chunk of your mates dont want anything to do with you anymore. I suppose ive found them wanting more than there being an issue with myself. Urges are extant but controllable, doing a good job of not peeking.
 
stmos said:
That sounds like that’s gonna be a productive and really relaxing week. How much longer do you got in your program?
It’s crazy how much they expect us all to do basically for free whenever we’re in one of those programs. Or in my wife’s case, they have to pay for it. My wife has another year left in her program. Then she has an internship which is going to be another whole level of hell.
I wish I had a magic button for you to help you out here, man but it just sucks.
And that’s OK.

I wish you the best and I’m proud of you for being so honest.
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Like 4 weeks then exams dude one month then i get a month off, i will be painting and drinking and going out alot :)
 
Day 5: feeling less bad, focussing is hard but thatll pass, just dopamine init, bribed myself by buying a chaos rhino I found on vinted for 20 quid to do my work and it worked. Been kinda horny today, dealing with it.
 
on day 7! I sense today may be rough, im exhausted, struggling to stay awake at work, in the office so I had to rely on Scotland’s awful trains which means im up at 6, rly struggling, exhaustion is my biggest pitfall, I gotta be careful, the first monster of the day didnt even put a dent in it. Currently hiding in the work bathroom for a break from the emails.
 
Chaos Spayce Marine said:
on day 7! I sense today may be rough, im exhausted, struggling to stay awake at work, in the office so I had to rely on Scotland’s awful trains which means im up at 6, rly struggling, exhaustion is my biggest pitfall, I gotta be careful, the first monster of the day didnt even put a dent in it. Currently hiding in the work bathroom for a break from the emails.
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There’s no shame in taking a break in the bathroom.
Where I used to work, we used to consider the bathroom the hang out spot
 
I left the office early to wfh, coming down with something I think. In a bit of a doom spiral about how horrible living in Britain is now a days. If anyone has any emigration tips do pass them along.
 
Chaos Spayce Marine said:
As off last night, one week completed with no hiccups, first time ive done that in a while :)
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Good job buddy! Just wondering, have you ever tried using slap chop, when you’re painting your minis? I never can get my Warhammer minis to look quite right when I use it, but it works well with battle tech.
Remember, you are not your urges!
 
stmos said:
Good job buddy! Just wondering, have you ever tried using slap chop, when you’re painting your minis? I never can get my Warhammer minis to look quite right when I use it, but it works well with battle tech.
Remember, you are not your urges!
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Not yet mate, tend to speed paint with contrast and dry brushing, giving some units more attention.
 
Anxiety is palpable today (day 10), rly riding the lighting, got a gig tonite thankfully, will try not drink too much, but hey blowing off some steam sounds nice, plus, means im around friends.
 
Chaos Spayce Marine said:
Not yet mate, tend to speed paint with contrast and dry brushing, giving some units more attention.
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Nice, when I do slap chop, I usually prime the whole thing black then dry brush it gray, then hit the highlights with a bright white with another dry brush. And I take contrast paint or speed paint I fill it out and then I give it a quick hit of that. So that way, I kind of fills in like the details of the model underneath the contrast paint. It looks really good. And it’s incredibly easy to do and it’s really not a big change from using traditional contrast, painting methods.
 
Day 11: hung over and still feeling that wave of negative emotion, i feel kinda angry and testy, assuming that thats the flatline or something. Hopeing the fun emotions come back soon
 
Day 12. I am proud of you. You should be proud of you. You are fighting and winning. Your difficult feelings are temporary. The health you are restoring to yourself and your relationship that can last much longer.
 
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