Broke up with my girlfriend over fears over future, worried now that porn could have contributed

Real Jerry Seinfeld said:
The weather does just bring you down this time of year. I don't mind the cold and I can hack the rain/snow, it's when it's windy an all that fucks me off. You just can't stay warm. Makes you want to just stay in all the time.
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The town I live is notorious for its wind, its often referred to as a wind tunnel. Cant wait to leave it behind
 
Just try and lean into the festive season, that always cheers me up. First day of advent tomorrow, got Mass at 9am, meeting my uncle for lunch at Tony Mac's, then heading down to Clyde Valley to have a potter about and let the kids choose some decorations. Distraction is a great strategy both for fapping urges and general gloominess.
 
Annoyingly, caught myself slipping into old habits, relapsing every 3-4 days, putting a stop to that today, sick of it, 20 days by Christmas. Maybe putting up some decorations will help.
 
Relapsed again, 4 days, but i finally cracked it, when i relapse, initially it seemed that the thought came out of nowhere, i was always really perplexed. I thought i was just kinda acting out. Its suggested searches, not even being funny. So my gf has the passcode to my Iphones blocker, this prevents me from accessing sites and other obvious sources of cornography, great right? Wrong! Well not really but let me explain.

It also inhibits me from deleting my search history, which means relapses as old as like 3 months still hang around in the history and come up in suggested searches. My particular kink, begins with some really common letters, and as a result, when ever I type in “La” for any reason, im essentially bombareded with nsfw search results, even when ive been on a long streak because I cant clear the history. Thats what ended my recent 26 day streak, thats what ended my streak today, it was these bloody search results placing the initial thought in my mind. Installing firefox rn in order to circumvent this until I see my gf, then ill get her to enable the deletion of history. That should make my life easier.

Ps, its on by default, she dosnt spy on me, my bollocks are not in her purse
 
Chaos Spayce Marine said:
Relapsed again, 4 days, but i finally cracked it, when i relapse, initially it seemed that the thought came out of nowhere, i was always really perplexed. I thought i was just kinda acting out. Its suggested searches, not even being funny. So my gf has the passcode to my Iphones blocker, this prevents me from accessing sites and other obvious sources of cornography, great right? Wrong! Well not really but let me explain.

It also inhibits me from deleting my search history, which means relapses as old as like 3 months still hang around in the history and come up in suggested searches. My particular kink, begins with some really common letters, and as a result, when ever I type in “La” for any reason, im essentially bombareded with nsfw search results, even when ive been on a long streak because I cant clear the history. Thats what ended my recent 26 day streak, thats what ended my streak today, it was these bloody search results placing the initial thought in my mind. Installing firefox rn in order to circumvent this until I see my gf, then ill get her to enable the deletion of history. That should make my life easier.

Ps, its on by default, she dosnt spy on me, my bollocks are not in her purse
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Have you ever looked up the topic of urge surfing?
It’s a way what you learn how to ignore your urges. It’s a cognitive behavioral therapy technique that teaches you deep, breathing, and meditation and mindfulness and how to learn to ignore bad habits and cravings.
This way you can learn how to de-program yourself and hopefully not react to your triggers, as you’ll get really good at not responding to them.
 
stmos said:
Have you ever looked up the topic of urge surfing?
It’s a way what you learn how to ignore your urges. It’s a cognitive behavioral therapy technique that teaches you deep, breathing, and meditation and mindfulness and how to learn to ignore bad habits and cravings.
This way you can learn how to de-program yourself and hopefully not react to your triggers, as you’ll get really good at not responding to them.
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Ill look into that man thank you, never ‘eard of it before and ive been in these particular trenches for a few years
 
Chaos Spayce Marine said:
Ill look into that man thank you, never ‘eard of it before and ive been in these particular trenches for a few years
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I learned about it from listening to this podcast by Sara Brewer. It’s called overcoming pornography for good.

open.spotify.com

Overcome Pornography for Good

Podcast · Sara Brewer · This podcast is for anyone who wants to overcome pornography for good. It will teach you about your brain and how to completely quit a pornography habit, 100% shame-free. If your ideal life doesn't include a porn habit, then this is the show for you. Visit sarabrewer.com...
open.spotify.com open.spotify.com

It’s been successful for me, before I start doing this, I was only able to go for about 10 days. Afterwards able to go for about 35 days, and I’m getting better at it all the time.
As it’s OK to fail, just use that as a point to learn from.
 
Chaos Spayce Marine said:
Its the humiliation of never being able to own a house that does it for me mate, drives me wild, yeah thats the plan, today is a new day. As long as I can avoid stimulus im chillin.
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One of my favorite quotes-whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right. My first house was 30 minutes from the nearest town, a total fixer,no heat or air, and my husband and I both worked 3 jobs to buy it. We remodeled it ourselves, and sold 3 years later buying bare land again , 30 minutes from town,on a dirt road
and an hour and a half commute from my job. We lived in a 40 yr old trailer for 10 years. Then built our house ourselves. We had zero building experience. We did almost everything ourselves. If you believe you never will be able to buy a house, then you won’t. You have already set yourself up for failure. My daughter is almost ready to buy her first house. She will have to have roommates, but it will be hers.
 
Psalm27:1my light said:
One of my favorite quotes-whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right. My first house was 30 minutes from the nearest town, a total fixer,no heat or air, and my husband and I both worked 3 jobs to buy it. We remodeled it ourselves, and sold 3 years later buying bare land again , 30 minutes from town,on a dirt road
and an hour and a half commute from my job. We lived in a 40 yr old trailer for 10 years. Then built our house ourselves. We had zero building experience. We did almost everything ourselves. If you believe you never will be able to buy a house, then you won’t. You have already set yourself up for failure. My daughter is almost ready to buy her first house. She will have to have roommates, but it will be hers.
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True, my way round it is emigration tbh, Scotland, economically, is a shithole the weather isnt great either, im gonna leave once I have some xp as a lawyer. Need to do some travelling to find out where I wanna end up. Booked a trip to budapest yesterday with the boys, maybe I wont come back. (The line was a joke btw, but negativity humour isnt great, you are what you eat, I dont want a house in Scotland anyway)
 
Finally finished the semester, had 5 hours of sleep in the past two days to finish this last fucking essay. When I dont sleep my streak goes out the window, kind of a write off, not gonna be too hard on myself for looking at stuff. Ill be able to get back on it now, I feel very drained, mostly i think due to lack of sleep but the messing up wont have helped. Im sadly at work today (2 monsters deep at 12 am lol) but im off the rest of the week, so ill finally get a fucking rest, i will be drowning myself in warhammer.
 
Feeling a bit better, girlfriend has been over for a few days for her birthday, took her out for the best japanese food weve ever had and she brought me some cigars back from holiday, my string of mess ups hasnt effected me so bad it would seem. Ive also slept till 11am both days, bliss.
 
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