Broke up with my girlfriend over fears over future, worried now that porn could have contributed

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Chaos Spayce Marine, Mar 23, 2024.

  1. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Day 24 sorted, improvements continue.
     
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  2. Real Jerry Seinfeld

    Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

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  3. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Day 25 done, urges a little bit high but otherwise cool
     
  4. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Couple of thoughts I had tho, about this particular vice, I work in a job that handles criminal cases, i see ALOT of serious, period of abuse sex crime. The role that porn plays in these scenarios is horrifying. Particularly among familial sex abuse, usually step fathers. It seems that the deepest abyss of this addiction is the worst kind of crime, it really bothers me. Granted, there are most likely other extenuating factors, but rarely do I see a sex abuse case (usually of minors) where porn isnt somehow, a catalyst, a method of inflicting pain or control on the victim or otherwise a crutch for the offender, feeling particularly down after having to read 80 pages of shit today, the worst shit you can imagine, negative emotion is probably my biggest trigger so im being careful. My point is, this stuff is corruptive and horrendously evil, it can push seemingly normal guys to horrific extremes, most offenders against children that I see, have severe pornography addictions. I think thats a strong contributing factor. Totally unrelated I know but I had some rough cases today, hope that was at least interesting.

    In a way it leaves me at least a little bit greatful that the pornography rabbit hole I fell down pushed me towards like alt girl fetish stuff, usually the stereotypical domineering catsuit clad type. Its a dangerous roll of the dice, and these blokes rolled snake eyes and developed a fascination with kids.

    Edit: Id like to add, that isnt me trying to justify what these freaks do, i need to read it and talk to the victims over the phone if im particularly unlucky with a case. I want them punished harder than you do
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2024
  5. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Day 26 down, jobs making me a bit miserable, which in turn feeds the urges, in limbo really until I know if i got back into uni, may be worth looking around the mean time but doubt anything else will pay enough.
     
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  6. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Back to day one gents, couldnt sleep last night cause of everything and broke rule one, no phone in bed, entirely stupid and entirely voluntary. had peaked on the day after being exposed to stuff by the ever lovely instagram algorithim. No biggie, wasnt to hard to get near 30 after the initial streak, if anything this is an improvement, i used to like edge for days before full relapse, which I imagine cooks you more than one and done.
     
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  7. Real Jerry Seinfeld

    Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

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    This is something I think about as well. There is a lot of weird porn out there and there's definitely a porn to perversion pipeline. You've got to have lines you won't cross. If you wouldn't do it, don't watch it.

    Also fucked up a couple days ago, streak commences again.
     
  8. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Day one clear, painted mt first ever chaos spawn, incredibly fun model, feeling kinda shitty but its beacaise of work/the relapse so no worries really.
     
  9. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    I feel like that may have to be in your wheel house prior to occur, or at least its incredibly unlikely if its not. All of my escalations have just been more extreme versions of what im already into, like I started on alt girls and obviously that leads down the fetish/bdsm route. Without a prior interest in those things, I doubt it would have gone that way over another.
     
  10. Real Jerry Seinfeld

    Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

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    I think in some cases curiosity kills the cat. You see people now who are into a lot of sexual stuff that simply didn't exist 10-15 years ago. Like how many people are born wanting to dress up as a cartoon dog or whatever furries are about. I think porn desensitises people and they end up seeking out more extreme shit and end up down a rabbit hole. That being said, I am basing this theory off an episode of South Park, so take it with a pinch of salt.
     
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  11. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    I think its mostly exposure to stimulus when your young, but i see what you mean about the stuff that didnt exist 15 years ago, the internet is a den of evil, I developed into the deviant I am today through a combination of childhood experiences, being fascinated by the covers of bizarre magazine they had at the top shelf in my local shop (next to the post office que) and fancying the goth girls in high school, had I been exposed to say, lola bunny (before my time but im aware of her) or some other creature, I could have well turned out a furry you know what i mean. The porn just drives you futther into that maze, but I dont see for example, how I go from like what im into to furry, kinda what im saying about predelictions. The escalation is along a kindve predictable path I guess. Theres a reason that furries often become zoophiles.

    Also nice pun with “rabbit hole”. Spose ill use this as my post for today, went to karate and watched a movie with my flatmate, also bought yet more warhammer, gf was over this morning too :) day 2 clear.
     
  12. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Day 3 clear, having my first chill day in weeks, had a haircut and a nice coffee, solo, feeling ok.
     
  13. Real Jerry Seinfeld

    Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

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    Yeah my experience isn't dissimilar in that I've always been into big knockers and that's basically the porn I've sought out. The thing is though, the top shelf for young kids is now the front page of PornHub. In the same way that sneaking a look at Page 3 probably played a role in my formative sexual experiences, think of all the weird shit young lads can sneak a look at now. It's bad shit.
     
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  14. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    For me, I saw myself 20 years ago going down a path with my porn addiction where I crossed boundaries and I could see the escalation of the addiction. I feared crossing future boundaries into illegal material and I felt powerless enough over PMO in general that I knew once I crossed those, I would be lost. I got help and I haven’t gone near those boundaries in the last 20 years. But I’ve had high school peers that went to jail for this stuff and made the news or became addicted to this and did worse crimes. I’ve seen people in SAA too. I think about how many people’s lives were ruined because they didn’t get help or make the change before they crossed boundaries.
     
  15. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Day 4 down, been a very relaxed weekend, gf has been over, its been nice :)
     
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  16. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Checking in folks, made it past day 5 and shortly after totalled it, i think my job is my biggest cause of negative emotion and therefore my biggest trigger, my most vulnerable period is the hour after i get home from the office :(

    Job hunting is difficult right now but i think i need to get on it. Been on my phone too much as well, got my daily screen time down to 4 hours average and below, a good deal of that is me having a long youtube video on while I do something else, its now back up at 7 hours, mainly because i check my phone alot at work to pass the time. That leaves more windows for vulnerability. My painting warhammer fell off a bit as well, recommitting to that tonite.

    my last few streaks are 53, 26 and now 5, it will pick up after this.

    will tell my girlfriend about my arseing up of things when she gets home, shell understand.
     
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  17. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Offices are hell on earth, I have a pt qualification, could patch uni and look into doing that, one area of my life that is shit hot rn is my own training
     
  18. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Despite all this also, my girlfriend and I have never had better sex than we are having these days, so at least the progress seems to be cumulative
     
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  19. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Day one clear, excused myself from work early because I had cleared my worklist and cant stand the office, napped due to exhaustion (im always exhausted when im stuck in the office because i have to be up at 6:30) and havent get any of my habits done yet, built one warhammer model and magnetised it. Feeling pretty terrible but on the straight and narrow.
     
  20. Chaos Spayce Marine

    Chaos Spayce Marine Fapstronaut

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    Today was an interesting day, working from home so less exhausted, found out however, my girlfriend does in fact have a brain tumour, thankfully benign, on the front left of her brain, they are gonna cut it out in a few months and hopefully thatll be the end of it, feeling very drained, back on my habits though. Day 2 clear