Broken

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by embarrassedone, Aug 12, 2019.

  1. embarrassedone

    embarrassedone Fapstronaut

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    Hello Everyone,

    I hope that somebody takes time out of their day to read this post because I feel so alone and need somebody to hear (or read in this case) what I am going through right now.

    I am a 24 year old male and I have struggled with ED since having sex with my first girlfriend at 18.

    I discovered masturbation at a young age and I can’t really remember a time at this point that I didn’t, I feel that because of this, it has somehow affected me being able to achieve an erection or being able to hold one.

    My most recent sexual encounter was only last night with a woman I have been in love with for years but never had the opportunity to be with, now when finally given the chance I was unable to rise to the occasion, or unable to keep it long enough to satisfy her needs and now I don’t think she’ll ever be interested in seeing me ever again so that has blown.

    Today I have masturbated to feel better, to try and relieve this pit in my stomach of utter embarrassment and heartbreak over what happened, but because of how I’m feeling, even masturbation is not getting me hard at this point and I feel so low.

    Just a moment ago I broke down in tears, alone in my bedroom, over this because it’s all I can think about, I feel so sick and depressed.

    Has anyone ever been in this position?

    I don’t believe I have PIED so much as I clearly have ED because I don’t really even view porn at all.

    What could be causing this?

    Is this going to be something physical or could it all still be mental? and will NoFap help me to heal?

    Because right now I feel like nothing is going to help me, what kind of man is unable to achieve an erection and is unable to satisfy the woman he loves?

    I can’t believe everything is screwed now because of this... I’m sorry for going on & on but I’m hurting and I have nowhere else to express myself.
     
  2. Jake n Bake

    Jake n Bake Fapstronaut

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    Yes I have been there. Hang in there brother.
     
  3. embarrassedone

    embarrassedone Fapstronaut

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    did things get better for you? have you cured your ED if you had it?
     
  4. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    Hey Friend,
    Seriously, have you talked to your doctor? It could be physical but sounds like it’s more a mind issue. I think it’s called performance anxiety. If you’re in school, especially college they should have professionals there that could help you, especially if you don’t think it’s porn induced. Shoot maybe even then. Talk to them. Also, did you talk to your lady about it or avoid talking about it. You need to be comfortable around your partner.
    I’m sorry for your situation but there is help but you have to seek it out. Nofap might help but if it’s not about excessive porn, I don’t know how much it would help.
    Saying a prayer for you.
     
  5. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    It doesn't add up, I'd want to get some more info, and please be honest:

    - surely not watching porn?
    - how much do you weight?

    Not having an erection has to do with lack of arousal or with blood not reaching the capillaries in your penis. This can be down to two aspects:
    - brain doesn't respond to sexual arousal, because it was overstimulated by watching porn (dopamine receptors are shut)
    - blood doesn't reach the penis capillaries, because of plaque built into the blood vessels (ED in a cardiac surgeons dictionary means "early death")
     
  6. Jane elise

    Jane elise Fapstronaut

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    And Please don't masturbation It will disturb your sexual health
     
  7. embarrassedone

    embarrassedone Fapstronaut

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    I know that I have to speak to my doctor realistically but I am scared, I have allowed this to go on for so long that now I don’t know whether a doctor could actually help me.

    I want to try NoFap to experiment on the off chance that things change but if they don’t then obviously the doctor will need to be my next call.

    I haven’t really spoken to her about it because we aren’t actually partners, we are a part of the same friend group and I have been in love with her for a long time, this was the first time that we got physical with each other and now I feel like I have completely screwed it up and I’ll probably have no chance of actually being with her again, that’s a big part of why I’m feeling this way I think.
     
  8. embarrassedone

    embarrassedone Fapstronaut

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    I’ll be completely honest with you.

    - I have watched porn, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t watch it on a regular basis, a lot of my masturbation has been spent thinking about the woman that I love, so I sort of create it in my mind, sounds weird writing that down but that’s what I do.

    - My weight is a strange one, I definitely need to get into better shape but I’m not overweight, I am 5 foot 11 and weigh 78kg (12 stone).

    I do wonder whether my poor diet and lack of exercise plays a role but there is definitely a mental aspect involved as my mind was in overdrive before she arrived on that night, as well as nerves hitting me in the past.

    One reason I want to attempt NoFap as well is because even though I don’t always use porn, I masturbate A LOT.

    When I am at home, I could masturbate and then I will masturbate again within the hour and it’s continuous when I have the time.

    This is a test really in hopes that something is going to change because I can’t live with this anymore, to have screwed things up with the literal woman of my dreams... that is officially the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
     
  9. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    Sorry Embarrassed One. Obviously we guys (typical) thought you were a guy with ED issues. I still think you need to talk with someone else. A real person like you friend girl you were with. You’ve had sex so a conversation wouldn’t be out of the question. If nothing else an understanding you’ll leave her alone or maybe you’ll connect.
    Good luck.
     
  10. embarrassedone

    embarrassedone Fapstronaut

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    I do have ED issues.

    This occasion was only one of many times that I have been affected by ED, with previous partners I was able to achieve an erection but the erection never lasted.

    There were also occasions where I was not able to achieve an erection at all, like the other night.

    Trying to understand why it is happening is key for me at the moment and that is why NoFap is my first stop at fixing things, I want to see whether abstaining from masturbating will prevent me from losing erections and allow me to actually get them without issue.
     
  11. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    Do you get and stay hard when you M?
     
  12. embarrassedone

    embarrassedone Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes but not always, sometimes I’ll get really hard and then can slowly lose it during masturbation but I’ll still be able to ejaculate when soft / semi.

    Since my experience the other night, yesterday I had masturbated multiple times because I was scared that it wasn’t working anymore and also to try and relieve the feeling that I had over being so embarrassed and my erections weren’t really hard.

    It’s like this pit in my stomach is making me feel horrible and even trying to relieve it with masturbation is impossible because it’s not even getting hard at this point.

    I know that it could be down to my thinking which is obvious as right now I feel depressed as **** over this.

    But also, when masturbating, I have always used a pretty tight grip and I’m worried that I may have damaged myself in that sense because now the blood doesn’t flow properly or something.

    This whole situation is really scary and really embarrassing for me, this feels like the worst time of my life and it’s all to do with not getting hard.
     
  13. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    I feel your pain. I can also have the problem of not getting fully hard but that only started when I was 65. I’m 70 now. I do the same thing. After I go a couple days w/o M I begin to worry it won’t get hard again so I either M or edge. I am just over two weeks without O so I do check. I think it’s counter productive even though I do it. I think it’s all about being insecure in my manliness. I also was addicted to gay porn and I think that had a lot to do with it even though I don’t look at porn anymore. My dr. Gave me meds for ED for actual sex and it works good but at age 70 my wife has very little to no interest in sex. I still do, quite a bit actually. I’m trying to go long term not M-ing to see if that works. Folks here say that works. We’ll see. If you want to converse about it we can start a conversation. I consider myself lucky that I’m pre-internet guy to I didn’t grow up with readily available Porn.
    Good luck buddy.
     

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