Brother angered me

Your mother can do as she pleases (within reason) at the end of the day. It sounds a stressful situation for her and sounds like she just wanted to give him the Coca Cola to resolve the matter quickly.

I understand where you're coming from. You are going to have to discuss this with your mother together and both agree to things. Otherwise it's possible she doesn't agree with you on things (and nor does your brother).

Are you saying he asked your mother for Coke? Or she got him the Coke? If she just got him it, then he didn't use your mother against you...it was her decision to give him the coke. Perhaps try to make it a bit clearer for us what happened exactly?

Has your mother agreed to you being the authority figure and being able to tell your brother what to do? If not then maybe she isn't comfortable with a lot of the things you tell him to do (or not to do).

I think it's best if you try to control your temper better. It can be very hard to do especially for people with a big sense of pride.

No offence, you're only 19 and still a kid yourself in the eyes of your mother (and myself). I don't think you should necessarily be deciding what he can and can't do, or ordering him around. Just my personal opinion and the fact you're threatening not to sleep at all (because you are so angry) is a clear sign you need to chill out a bit.

Not trying to annoy you by this at all, I'm trying to help.

 

Ok, but it's logical for your brother to ask her if you said he isn't allowed. In his eyes she will be the authority figure of the house and the ultimate decision maker. In reality she is, because she's you're mother and you're 19. He's her child, not yours. I understand where you're coming from, it's quite difficult to give feedback without experiencing the situation first hand. I think the main thing is not letting it get to you. Your brother is your mother's responsibility more than yours at the end of the day (obviously you are going to want what's best for him. But what's best for him in the eyes of him and your mother might not be the same as what you feel is best for him), so don't put too much pressure on yourself. It's obvious you mean well, but it's not easy trying to help others as they can't always see what's best for themselves (or their friends/family members).

Perhaps you will get more authority and respect if you can remain calm at all times. If you are seen as the calm/wise head in the house then perhaps they will all start listening to you more. I can't guarantee that though because every one is different and everyone's family dynamic is different. Good luck anyway.

 

I feel like you need to remember that your mom is his mom, and you are not his parent. You are her child. She has authority over both of you, and if she tells your brother he can play video games, she doesn't need you to agree or give her permission to do so. I understand you don't always agree with your mother's choices... most people don't. But she's still your mother, and you need to respect the fact that she has more authority over your brother than you do. You are not co-parenting him. She is the parent, you are the child. If you think she isn't parenting him right, join the club. Parents are constantly criticized by everyone in their vicinity that they aren't doing things the right way, or "Well that's not how *I* would have done it." Give her a break and let her be his mom. And your mom, too. Video games aren't going to kill him, and neither is a glass of coke. Your mom probably responds to you with a sigh or just saying nothing because she's probably tired of you trying parent her child and tell her how to do so as well. Can you imagine how annoying that would be? You raise a kid and care for him his entire life and he turns out to be a wise adult, and now he comes in and starts telling you now to raise your other kid? I would have zero patience for that, if I was your mom, honestly.

Also, you mentioned the death of your father, and for that she needs to be given a break as well. I think you need to take some time out and really think about your mother, as a human being, what she's been through, and try to be more understanding. It sounds like a lot of your love for your mother has turned to hostility, and that's another thing that can be heartbreaking for a mother. You go from having a child who loves hugs and kisses from his mommy to an adult who is always annoyed with you. Take a break and think about her perspective in all of this, and just in life and general. I would recommend you take her out to dinner or something special and re-kindle your friendship, and spend some time asking about HER instead of talking about YOU, because we kids are really good at talking about ourselves with our parents, and our parents are often really good at listening and being patient and selfless. If you set out to have a better relationship with your mom and love her as you should and appreciate her as you should, talking about these things will be easier, too. So it's a win win for everybody.

 

Better than one of my siblings tried to assasinate me so he could take over my dads family business. Shit happens haha