Buddhist Accountability Thread Group B

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Paranimmita, Sep 13, 2020.


    Current members: 2
    Available spaces: 18

    This is a space for Buddhist fapstronauts of any school of Buddhism.
    This is where we update each other on the challenges we are facing in our reboot. It is a space to encourage each other towards the goal of rebooting and beyond that depending on our own reasons as to what we want from NoFap. We currently have no spaces for new Buddhist fapstronauts in this thread. If you would like to join then please do comment here and I will start a new accountability thread for the next set of Buddhist fapstronauts where you can continue to post updates.

    There are no hard rules for the thread, and it is about creating an environment of ease without any pressure. However this is what is recommended.
    • Setup the NoFap counter
    • Start a NoFap journal and add regular entries. Start your journal as a thread in your age group and link that thread to your profile page
    • Put updates in this thread on a regular basis (preferably daily)
    • Follow each other on NoFap
    • Keep in touch with each other through NoFap inbox. You could pair up with a partner or be in touch with the different Buddhist fapstronauts.
    • Join the Buddhist Fapstronauts Group on NoFap
    Possible improvements
    • To start a NoFap inbox group conversation in addition to the above
    • Whiles it is not compulsory, share Buddhist teachings which are of relevance to topics such as sexual desire and celibacy.
    • Right speech - NoFap in general is a space where sensitive issues are being discussed. Therefore right speech is of utmost importance when communicating with each other. Before replying always ask from ourselves - "Does this bring benefit? Does this bring discord in the community? Do these words cause harm to another being? Are these words going to be encouraging?"
    • Make replies to fellow Buddhist fapstronauts as well as share your daily update with abstaining from PMO.
    • All for one and one for all - this means that in this thread anyone is free to feel accountable for as many other Buddhist fapstronauts as they like. That way we are all accountable for each other as well as look for each other for support and encouraging words. Everyone is a follower as well as a leader based on the changing circumstances.
    All of these methods will help to increase accountability. It is the mentality of all for one and one for all. As per NoFap guidelines we can only take upto 20 members in this group. If more members like to join, then I will consider starting additional threads for Buddhist fapstronauts.

    Here are some criteria which will serve as a helpful reminder of what needs to be done or avoided during a NoFap reboot. The choices as to what to include/avoid depends on which mode of NoFap one is doing:
    • Lite Mode (avoid P)
    • Standard Mode (avoid PM)
    • Hard Mode (avoid PMO)
    • Monk Mode (avoid PMO, P-sub along with taking up selected austerities)
    Here are some basic helpful suggestions on what to do each day in one's reboot (not exhaustive). Some of them are options that are available to make use of.
    • Avoid PMO
    • Avoid thoughts of sex which would lead to TUC
    • Identify one's P-subs and avoid P-sub as this helps to speed up the reboot
    • Identify possible triggers and avoid them or find ways to subdue them
    • Use accountability software whiles pairing up with a Buddhist fapstronaut in this thread
    As Buddhists, the teachings in Buddhism can be applied skillfully according to place and circumstances in our reboot. This means that we may try to take advantage of secular non-religious/non-spiritual methods to maintain our streak as long as they are within the boundaries of Buddhist ethical conduct. However in addition to these secular methods, there is also the open option of using Buddhist-oriented tactics/strategies based on Dharma/Dhamma teachings as an additional layer to augment the process of rebooting for us Buddhist fapstronauts. As different schools of Buddhism emphasise different aspects of the entire teachings under the corpus of Buddhism, feel free to choose methods which are compatible and not in conflict with the school of Buddhism which you follow.

    Brahmacharya in Buddhism in its most perfect sense means to live as a monastic in its deepest meaning. However there are other layers to the meaning which can be made use of. Here are some aspects of Brahmacharya which can be made use of. These aspects can be suitable options for those who wish to follow Monk Mode of NoFap.
    1. Celibacy - This is to abstain from all sexual behaviour in body, speech and mind. It also can extent to avoid watching visuals or listening to audio that is related to sex.
    2. Sensual restraint - This is to let go of the extremes of desire (lobha) and aversion (dosha/dvesha) at the level of the 6 sense bases (salayatana) of eye-vision, ear-sound, nose-smell, tongue-taste, body-tangibles and mind-thoughts. The letting go of the extremes of desire and aversion can be done by clear comprehension (sampajhanna)towards whichever the stimuli that arises through the 6 sense bases, to establish insight (vipassana) in the present moment so that equanimity (upekkha/upeksha) can be maintained towards them. Insight is to observe what arises in the present moment and to reflect on its true nature that such stimuli/objects are impermanent, non-self and unsatisfactory, and based on this reflection, one can let go of aversion or desire towards them and to show equanimity because of that.
    3. Sublime abodes/Immeasurables (Brahmavihara/Apramana) - As Brahmacharya in its etymology means to 'the conduct of the sublime' it can be a useful option to incorporate the Brahmavihara onto the Brahmacharya. These are the 4 qualities of:
    • Loving-kindness/Loving-friendliness (Metta/Maitri)
    • Compassion (Karuna/Anukampa/Daya)
    • Altruistic Joy/Sympathetic Joy/Gladness (Mudita)
    • Equanimity (Upekkha/Upeksha)
    Given that most of us will be avoiding PMO and even P-sub, if we try to maintain mindful awareness of the present moment even in the post-meditative state then thoughts of sexual desire would not have a reason to arise.

    • Whatever the thoughts on sexual desire that has arisen, to let go of them through insight into such thoughts where their end result is unsatisfactory/suffering.
    • To prevent whatever the thoughts of sexual desire that has not arisen yet, by being mindful of the present moment with clear comprehension.
    • Reflect on the disadvantages of sexual desire and sexual behaviour.
    • To maintain one's celibacy by reflecting on the advantages of celibacy from a Buddhist view-point.
    • avoid talking about sex in a manner that is contrary to celibacy
    • avoid talking about the advantages of sex
    • to talk about the advantages of celibacy
    • not to engage in amorous sport with the sex which one is oriented towards (this includes flirting)
    • not to praise the sex which one is oriented towards (saying things such as "you are sexy" or "you are hot")
    8 Precepts can be taken on whichever days one likes to follow them. It is recommended to follow the 8 Precepts during the phases of the Moon (Full Moon, New Moon, First Quarter and Last Quarter) although not compulsory. In a NoFap streak the 8 Precepts can be used as Buddhist-oriented dopamine detox for a day or two or whichever number of days one is happy to do them. The precepts which appear in addition to the 5 Precepts have been highlighted. These 8 Precepts can be taken as part of NoFap Monk Mode by Buddhist fapstronauts.
    1. Avoid/refrain from killing/harming sentient beings
    2. Avoid/refrain from stealing (taking that which is not given to you)
    3. Avoid/refrain from all sexual activity including self-stimulation
    4. Avoid/refrain from lying/false speech
    5. Avoid/refrain from all intoxicants (or alternatively avoid becoming intoxicated for those who cant refrain from intoxicants)
    6. Avoid/refrain from having meals/solid food/pulps/semi-solid puree etc after midday. This usually means to either have lunch only, or just breakfast and lunch but no dinner. One can drink water or tea after midday but not thick fluids such as milk, coffee or fruit juice. Additionally one can avoid meat, fish and eggs if they are not vegetarian or vegan if they like.
    7. Avoid/refrain from entertainment and self-adorning. This means to avoid an type of entertainment including music, films, shows etc as well as to avoid wearing jewelry, applying make-up, anything used to beautify yourself.
    8. Avoid/refrain from using high luxurious seats and beds. Avoid using animal skins.

    These 8 breaches are taken from Hinduism, but since they are not in conflict with Buddhist teachings, we can be free to incorporate them too. Essentially this is an alternative division of following Brahmacharya in body, speech and mind.
    1. Sankalpa – lustful thought of the opposite sex.
    2. Darshan – looking at a member of the opposite sex with carnal desire.
    3. Adhyavasaaya – desire for carnal knowledge.
    4. Guhya Bhaashan – talking privately to a member of the opposite sex.
    5. Keertan – praising his or her qualities to your friends.
    6. Keli – amorous sport with the opposite sex.
    7. Sparsha – desire to touch, embrace or be near a person of the opposite sex.
    8. Kriya Nivritti – sexual enjoyment.

    NOTE - even though it is encouraged to follow the above guidelines of logging in daily to give updates, from a realistic viewpoint there are no strict expectations. Also as far as accountability is concerned, we are all accountable for each other. Even though accountability is meant to be on a one to one basis, as far as this Buddhist Accountability thread is concerned, if you dont have anyone to pair up with, then at least consider that the Buddhist who replies to your post here is accountable for you on that day, whiles on a different day it could be another Buddhist. In this way we are all accountable for each other and move together as a group in addition to trying to keep in touch with each other individually. It helps to add a different layer of accountability in addition to the conventionally accepted view of accountability of one-to-one interaction.
    purplebat14 and nftm001 like this.
  2. @nftm001 welcome to this thread. We can start our conversation on Buddhist accountability here. Please take a look at the post above.

    Any other Buddhist is welcome, who is committed to Theravada, Mahayana or Vajrayana Buddhism.

    May all of us successfully reboot and let the Buddhist teachings aid us on this path.
    purplebat14, ppr_kuttt and nftm001 like this.
  3. @nftm001 please feel free to write here on your NoFap journey as you like.

    All Buddhists Fapstronauts who are yet to join an accountability group are welcome here.

    As for me, I am nothing special, I struggled in my journey. I hit so many speed bumps. Reset and relapsed many times since 2016. But I finally made it. Its not because I reached special realisations in meditation. Its not because I became a Zen master. I am just an average Buddhist, but I have been celibate for more than 1 year and if someone like me can do it, then any other Buddhist can do it too.
    Zori likes this.
  4. webdevil81

    webdevil81 Fapstronaut

    I would like to join, I am just getting into buddhism and so have no affiliation apart from I practice vipassana meditation.
    Paranimmita likes this.
  5. ush

    ush Fapstronaut

    Hi I m Buddhist (theravada) I m interesting in join with you!
    Paranimmita likes this.
  6. Thats good. Good to have you here. Welcome. There is also the NoFap Buddhist group which you could also join, and ask questions on Buddhism when you like.

    So far how many days can you do? What are your main triggers?
  7. Welcome! Feel free to write your progress here from time to time. Its also good to let know here if relapsed.
    ush likes this.
  8. webdevil81

    webdevil81 Fapstronaut

    Hey and thank you, I will check out the buddhist group you suggest.

    I managed 78 day, then 103. I had a little binge but am back on the horse again now. Also I have always had a fraught relationship with substance abuse so I am now combining complete sobriety with this streak(which I now envision to be until the end of my time).

    On a lighter note I will be booking a 10 day vipassana retreat tomorrow for the two weeks before Christmas, I have only recently started meditating consistently and with vipassana specifically but already find that it is making me happier/stronger. I'm currently sitting twice per day for 20 mins(started on 15) and adding 5 mins each week until I sit for an hour, perhaps it will be just the whole hour in the morning as my schedule can get quite busy but as with much in life I will see how I feel when I arrive at that present.
    Paranimmita and Zori like this.
  9. wanderer410

    wanderer410 New Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone. Would love to join this accountability thread. One week in so far.
    Paranimmita, Zori and webdevil81 like this.
  10. Piyush sakhare

    Piyush sakhare Fapstronaut

    Hello guys I am piyush and I am 19 years old
    I am on day 5
    Do it together I am your new accountibility partner
    Paranimmita, Zori and ush like this.
  11. wanderer410

    wanderer410 New Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone. Just an update. Beginning the third week with no PMO. Happy with my progress so far.
    Paranimmita and Zori like this.
  12. Zori

    Zori Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone - I'd like to join this group. I'm from the Theravada tradition and would find it helpful to have a group of people to check-in with and to support each other.

    I joined the Nofap community back in June and have found it incredibly helpful. I've tried a couple of the challenges but as I continue with it I think an accountability group could be a better long-term approach for me. I'm really trying to move entirely beyond PM rather than just get the benefits of short-term abstinence.

    May you all be well.
    Paranimmita, wanderer410 and ush like this.
  13. ppr_kuttt

    ppr_kuttt Fapstronaut

    Hey guys! I’m a Theravada Buddhism enthusiastic. I’m starting my NoFap journey all over again. I’ve accomplished 90 days but you know, my mind was not strong enough to take it as a change in my life. I’m glad there are some guys like me to make this journey a bit easier.
    I’m looking for an AP. If you are interested in sharing your experiences or supporting each other, feel free to reply to this post or contact through private message.
    Additional info: I’m a 36 yo Brazilian guy, I speak Portuguese and Spanish fluently, and I can communicate in English as well. I’m gay and I’m interested in a lot of subjects, from photography to EDM production.
    May all living beings be happy
  14. Zori

    Zori Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone in this accountability group! There hasn't been any activity here for a couple of weeks so I'm not sure if this group is still active or not, but I thought I'd try posting some updates for a while and see how things develop. I'd love to have a group of people to check in with so am hoping some of you will start posting too.

    I just finished the 30 day challenge, and as I mentioned above, although the challenges have been helpful so far I'd like to get away from challenge mode and view this more from the perspective of a (hopefully) long-term change.

    I'll say more about myself, and what the NoFap journey has been like for me so far in future posts. Wishing you all a good day today.
    Paranimmita likes this.
  15. Zori

    Zori Fapstronaut

    Day 31 done.

    So this is what I'm thinking about my addiction to PMO, several months into efforts to deal with it here at nofap:
    • I've realized that for me the addiction is to that little jolt of sexual pleasure that comes when my mind starts pursuing sexual things. It's not just porn, or porn substitutes, but fantasies, thoughts, and looking at attractive women as well. For me, the only way forward is to be aware when sexual thoughts and urges arise initially and not let myself pursue them at all. Which I understand as Right Effort.
    • In addition to that jolt of pleasure, my mind also has several well-worn ruts of thoughts about sexual things which seem to have their own impetus and momentum. Sometimes they result in feelings of pleasure but sometimes they just seem to arise without any additional feeling to them, at which times they are relatively easy to observe and let go.
    • I'm becoming more aware that underneath that desire for pleasure are a number of issues in my life and personality that cause me discomfort and make the seeking of momentary pleasure more attractive. There's work that needs to happen in these areas if I'm going to be successful in the long run.
    • During these few months, there have been periods where it's been easier and periods where it's been more difficult to deal with these urges, although they've never been completely absent for very long. At times I seem to be more sensitive to sexual stimulus and that's when I need to be especially careful in not pursuing sexual thoughts when they come up.
    • I've had two relapses during this time, and each came after allowing myself to look at P for short periods of time, thinking it was safe to do it just for a bit. For me, allowing myself to look gradually builds up over the course of a couple of days to longer P times and finally PMO. If I start down this direction I think it's better for me just to MO and get it over with, to reduce the amount of time I spend on it.
    • I've also accepted that relapses are going to be part of this journey, and that when this happens I need to get back on the path as quickly as possible. At one point I gave myself a week before starting back on to no PM, which turned out to be a big mistake as I ended up allowing my mind to run wild and got very absorbed in it for that time.
    These are my thoughts at this point in the journey and will likely change as I learn more.
    Paranimmita and wanderer410 like this.
  16. Zori

    Zori Fapstronaut

    Day 32 done.

    My previous relapses happened at days 43 and 37, so I'm getting closer to what's been a difficult period for me. I'll try to be alert and bring more mindfulness to thoughts and sensations that have any sexual nature, so that I stop myself from getting caught up in them when they arise.
    Paranimmita likes this.
  17. Zori

    Zori Fapstronaut

    Day 34.

    Just checking in, nothing special to report today. At times yesterday I found myself zeroing on images of attractive women when I came across them online, so I need to be watchful of that. It's looking for the little sexual jolt that's the root of addiction.

    It's a little thing, but I've decided to change my day count at the top of the post to the day I'm at, rather than the day completed, as a move away from "challenge-mode" where I'm trying to complete a certain number of days.

    Wishing anyone reading this success on your journey today.
    Paranimmita likes this.
  18. Welcome folks,
    I past day 400. Its not like I had any special magic in me to do this. So if I can do it then so can all of you.
    Zori likes this.
  19. Zori likes this.
  20. Zori

    Zori Fapstronaut

    Day 35

    I was thinking about the paramita of patience yesterday, and how important it is for working on this. I think part of me is looking for a point where I can feel "it's done" and the urges and desires to PM are in the past, and unrealistically expecting that a few months of abstinence will clean my mind and get me there. While I've definitely noticed improvements since I've started it's a long term effort that's needed, and it's humbling to recognize this.
    Paranimmita likes this.

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