Buddhist Accountability Thread

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Paranimmita, Apr 28, 2020.

  1. Welcome @janjijoni good to hear from a Buddhist fapstronaut who had fully rebooted.

    Folks, it looks like we have a conversation going on this thread. I have had a busy schedule in the monastery these past couple of days. When I am ready I will modify this thread to make it more focused and oriented.
  2. An email I sent to a Buddhist friend of mine who is dealing with MO. This will give a list of strategies that you could try out.


    I had a problem with PMO. But deep in my mind I did aspire to become a monastic so since then I have been looking on how to overcome my desire to PMO. In early 2016 I came across NoFap on Google because I was curious as to how people who had the same problem as me overcame that. NoFap, in case you didn’t know is specifically made for those are addicted to PMO. Even though I did not fit the criteria for addiction I felt I needed to get involved sooner or later. It took me sometime to convince myself to join it given that I was reluctant to agree that PMO was a problem for me. But later 2017 I joined. One does not have to be an addict to benefit from NoFap, and people join for various reasons. For me, it was just more than overcoming PMO and was to do with use that as a stepping stone to get onto full celibacy.

    People can do NoFap in anyway they like by setting their own goals and standards. But the typically recommended challenge is to go without PMO for 90 days. For addicts within a period of 90 days if they abstain from PMO then they are known to reboot (as in be the way they used to be before they developed the habit of PMO).

    I just joined and avoided PMO. I couldn’t go beyond a week in most streaks, and even the longer ones (the longest one I had before this was around 50 days) were dirty (as in I did watch some P even though I did not MO). Overall, I treated the NoFap challenge like a passive process and this was the main reason that led to my repeated failure.

    My continued failure on trying to overcome PMO as well as taking the next step of celibacy came to an end when I became more conscious of the spiritually-oriented outlook on celibacy. This was around middle of 2019. As I told you through Whatsapp, I started reading ‘Practice of Brahmacharya’ by Swami Sivananda. I copy pasted the points he made into a word document. Then later I read ‘Brahmacharya: Celibacy' by Dada Bagawan. I later collected as many pdfs of ebooks and articles of Brahmacharya (spiritually-oriented celibacy) and put them in one folder hoping to read through all of them – this is still currently ongoing. Unfortunately there is not a single Brahmacharya book written by a Buddhist author, so I had to go to the next best thing available – sources from Hinduism.

    I started to spend days on 8 Precepts even outside of monasteries or retreats. There were times, even when I was at work I followed 8 precepts. This is not to say that this was necessary, but it was of help. Being under 8 Precepts in the lay life helped me change my attitude towards them. This is because I had this passive view that whiles at home it’s just the 5 Precepts and 8 Precepts are necessary when in monastery or retreats. This changed.

    Around this time I had Buddhist activities in line coming one after the other. I went on small retreats as well as staying in monasteries as a lay resident, helping out the monastics. This also included seeing teachers which I respected and brought out the best in me such as my root teacher HH Sakya Trichen. Also soon after finishing with one Buddhist activity and going to the next just added more courage and commitment to the celibacy vow. This is not to say that my streak did not fall – it did, but I managed to have streaks of 2 weeks and 3 weeks before relapsing/resetting which was a significant improvement.

    Also I was on the Facebook Brahmacharya group, and copy pasted important posts from them.

    As for NoFap streaks, my failure in them came to an end when I became optimistic as well as considering rebooting as an active process (instead of the mistaken view that it is passive). When I was out of the monastery at home I made sure that I watched at least one NoFap video every single day.

    Two main methods that helped me was to do 5 Tibetan Rites daily and do cold showers first thing in the morning either with Wim Hof breathing or without. I am currently looking deeper into urge surfing – this is where you are supposed to use the breath to surf the urge. After a while I enjoyed getting urges, where I did not act upon them but allowed them to be there without feeding them or fighting them.

    I also did cue-exposure therapy, which was risky as I could have relapsed had my willpower failed. But it worked completely and now I am fully resistant to P. I would not recommend this to everyone, even though it did work for me. I followed detailed on a specific YouTube video that instructed how to do this properly. I followed them and did cue-exposure every single day for 50 days starting from around day 40 (which was when I became aware of it).

    I do not consider myself having fully accomplished celibacy as I am still fallible. But I have made it closer to the summit more than I have ever done, and I am continuing to take further steps to perfect my celibacy. I feel confident that even if I was to take up robes now, I won’t have any problem with the celibacy vow at all.

    Here is a list of things I did differently (and hope to do in the future) in this current streak which I didn’t do before. Feel free to take onboard whichever you will think that you will find useful.

    I deleted all P images on my laptop and desktop computer. I deleted my personal Instagram account as this was a starting point where I would look up photos of thots and then later find myself PMO. I cleared all history, passwords, cookies from my browser. Deleted any favorites/bookmarks which had P or P-sub.

    I used to use mostly Google Chrome and apart from using it for normal surfing, this was the browser that I used to P and then later MO. So I started using other browsers that were on the computer – Opera and Firefox. I used Firefox for normal surfing and Opera I used specifically for NoFap and NoFap related issues.

    I had subscribed to too many channels on my personal YouTube account. So I opened up a new one, mostly for NoFap. It was through this new YouTube channel that I subscribed to channels that had content on NoFap. It was through this YouTube channels that I watched videos on NoFap on a daily basis. Whiles watching the various NoFap videos I made short notes on a Word document. I still havnt reached the end of this so this is an ongoing project where I hope to collect all the points from as many videos as I can and set up a proper pathway to properly rebooting – with the view to helping others who have PMO issues. Having this new YouTube account means that I don’t comes across **** content like in my previous YouTube channel. This doesn’t mean that I deleted my old one, I still have that one. But I use my new one more often and for the purpose of self-improvement and most of that is NoFap related.

    4. JOURNAL
    I started my journal on NoFap and maintained a log of that on a regular basis. Even though I did not do it daily, I still put entries of how certain days were. If you come on NoFap I can show you my journal. But later before I moved to the monastery I got a notebook and used this to do my NoFap journaling. I called my journal Brahmacharya/NoFap journal. I used a template to give myself a score and then write down my reflection for each day. I can share more details on templates. One of the main aspects of the template I used was the ‘8 Breaks of Brahmacharya’ (yes I know this is Hindu, but I did not see a direct contradiction with Buddhist Brahmacharya). Each and every day I made sure that I would not break any of the 8 aspects of Brahmacharya (with some notable exceptions like when I was listening to erotica). I am currently maintain a written journal where I write reflections every day. These days I have hardly much to write about as thoughts of sexual indulgence come to my mind seldom. I hope to read Mark Quipett’s free ebook called The Metascript Method which explains a highly effective way of journaling which is designed to change behaviors and habits for the better. The main purpose of reflection is to figure out how TUC arises and to figure out precursor thoughts and activities which later lead to TUC which can later lead to PMO. Then it helps to eliminate precursors or at least to be aware of them if we encounter them. This can only be identified through active reflection by maintaining a journal.

    5. NOFAP
    I got more involved in NoFap where even though I did not log in every day I did make use of it more often than not. In NoFap there is a section on Success Stories and here I read a few. I started interacting more with other fapstronauts and this means that I was being encouraged by others as well as I was encouraging others. The feeling of being part of a group which is focused on a single goal itself is motivating enough. In my mind I knew it was important not to develop a cult mentality or dependency around it because this is not healthy either. But during the early days I felt it was important to feel that we are all in this struggle together marching in one direction as one regardless of whatever our purposes are behind NoFap. I became relatively more active on the Buddhist group in NoFap and I made posts in here.

    I read a few kindle ebooks and highlighted strategies that the authors used. I made a list of books to read including Gary Wilson’s ‘Your Brain on Porn’. Since I have already rebooted long before one might call further continuation with this pointless. Call it overkill, but I hope to get to the bottom of this because I have a plan to help others reboot also. It is highly recommended to read the NoFap User Guide which is available on pdf given freely by NoFap. In addition to this I started by reading Mark Quipett’s Reboot Regimen which is also a free ebook given by Mark Quipett. You can get it easily from a Google search, but it is here on this email. Currently I am reading Easy Peasy Hackbook which is based on Alan Carr’s book on overcoming smoking addiction. I also started reading ‘Soaring Eagle’s Rebooting as the Best Remedy’. Soaring Eagle developed health problems secondary to PMO. He reversed not only his PMO addiction but recovered his health by full abstinence for 6 years. This is living proof that PMO not only damages our mind but our bodies too. I still havnt finished the book but I will be. When I was at home, I made sure I watched NoFap videos on YouTube every single day.

    Practice of Brahmacharya by Swami Sivananda was the catalyst from the spiritual point of view. Brahmacharya: Celibacy by Dada Bagawan reinforced this further. These two books gave me a massive momentum with a considerable thrust in my streak and its impetus even continues in me today. I read some articles on Brahmacharya. I copy pasted important points from both these texts. I later downloaded various Brahmacharya articles and a few ebooks. I have one big Word Document where I have made short notes on whichever the Brahmacharya content I have gone through. This is also an ongoing project where I will continue to read resources, copy-paste essential information on the word document. Later when that is finished I will filter off the content which is directly in contradiction with Buddhism (such as the view of God and view of eternal self just to name a few). Then after the filtering and distilling the content I hope to write down a concise strategy to initiate, maintain and prevent the degeneration of Brahmacharya from a Buddhist point of view. So far there is not a single of Buddhist book on Brahmacharya that I could find so I guess this book has to get written through me, although I wish for some Buddhist author to write it given that there are far more capable celibates in the Buddhist world where I am just new to it. I don’t mean to say this in a conceited manner, and I hope I don’t give you this type of vibe. However, in Buddhist literature we are yet to see a mainstream book Brahmacharya by a Buddhist author. I cant say when this will happen, but this is currently an idea in the back of my head. I am not considering this as a strict aim, but if it happens as a consequence of me looking up useful information as well as being effortlessly celibate, then it will be for the benefit of Buddhists who aspire to live according to a lifestyle where celibacy is an essential aspect of that (such as being a monastic).

    8. 8 PRECEPTS
    Before going to live in the monastery since the end of December, I made effort to follow the 8 Precepts 3 months prior to that. I did not do this perfectly as I did watch movies and shows on some days as well as listened to music. My main focus was the celibacy and the rest of the additional precepts were like the shell covering the celibacy precept. Also some days it was a bit late when I had lunch. But at least I am glad I made an effort and it is difficult to do things perfectly from day 1. Even living here in the monastery I did listen to music on some days and one day I watched an entire film even though I wasn’t supposed to. However the celibacy precept was fully intact.

    When I was at home around September, I started doing cold showers early morning. I tried to do Wim Hof breathing prior to cold shower as this helps to optimize the effects of the cold shower on the body and mind. In the past, usually when I wake up in the morning there is the desire to be comfy and do a bit of PMO. But taking cold showers in the morning meant that I was ready to face the day and not stay in a comfort zone. PMO is a highly rewarding yet very low value activity. Cold showers were the exact opposite as this is not a rewarding activity yet very high value. So I do have to say that cold showers, because it was diametrically opposed to PMO, it played a major part in keeping my reboot stable during the early days of my streak. In addition to an early morning cold shower, I also took additional cold showers when I develop TU or even TUC. Now I can manage to stay celibate and deal with urges without cold showers, but still I continue with cold showers whenever I can because I really felt the benefits and want to keep going.

    I started doing the 5 Tibetan Rites at home as well as in the monastery. The reason why I did this was because there is a 6th Tibetan Rite which can be done by celibates only, and only when one develops an urge. The idea is that when one gets an urge, one can do the 6th Rite. One can repeat the 6th Rite as many times as necessary, but for me I found that when I do it properly, even once is enough. A word of caution – 6th Tibetan Rite should only be done when having an urge and only if celibate (like when we are single, especially trying to abstain from PMO). Also one should not take a cold shower immediately after the 5 Tibetan Rites. The 6th Tibetan Rite can help in instances where one can’t do a cold shower – such as when having a cold/flu, feeling unwell.

    This is like a meditation exercise where one switched from focusing on the breath and the body instead of feeding the urge at the level of the mind. I am still experimenting with this so I cant recommend this fully. For now I have got audiotracks on my iPad that I listen to from time to time to get the hang of it. If I do get the full hang of it where I can use it like a device whenever I get an urge (which is very these days), it means I can switch onto it whenever I want, even when I see a little bit of T before it completely develops into U. If this works then later I plan to develop a Buddhist-oriented version of urge surfing by adding applied Vipassana, applied Anapanasati and applied Metta onto main fold of urge surfing.

    I wrote on my written journal as well as included some sheets on my plastic folder about the NoFap/Brahmacharya narrative I was meant to keep reminding myself on a regular basis. I havnt been particularly good at this but I did this whenever I felt I needed to remind myself as opposed to not doing it at all. On my Brahmacharya/NoFap journal I wrote my plans and the reason why I am doing NoFap. I also wrote as to what I would think would happen to me in 3 years I continued to fail in NoFap. Inside my folder with plastic wallets, I have documents which have the mindset I need to keep. I havnt made use of this as much as I intended to and I hope to improve on this. But even reading and taking the content into heart, itself gives a huge booster. When the narrative doesn’t get set up regularly that is when we are likely to fail. Even the times where I happened to have urges unintentionally were times when the narrative was out of my mind.

    Okay I have to be honest that this was a huge risk that I took, but I put trust in myself to do it. Basically cue-exposure therapy is about briefly exposing myself to a trigger (P) and then closing the window down followed by contemplating on a reflection. This is one ‘rep’ (like rep in exercise in the gym). I started by doing 5 reps each day and then increased this to 10 reps. I did this for 50 odd days and now I am super-resistant to P. In this current phase on NoFap I don’t do cue-exposure therapy, but after I finish this phase I may include cue-exposure therapy once again.

    This is the last resort, in case if I am dangerous on the verge of starting M. For me, I image someone pulling a gun to my mother’s head and then saying, “if you M then I will pull the trigger”. I also try to imagine this as real and that I am really there in the scene. So this means that M is not an option. I know this is not good to use this every time frequently as this has powerful Sankhara. But I very very rarely got to the situation to use this and didn’t have to use this ever since my reboot. But it is there as an effective emergency brake to use in case if things get out of hand. It’s because now I have eliminated M as an option, it not even in question.

    PMO may not happen on its own. Sometimes there can be precursors which seem innocuous or normal but later encourage TUC which in turn makes us reach out to PMO. With me, when I looked back, some PMO sessions started from Instagram when I was looking up thots. Because of this I deleted my personal Instagram account. Some encourage just to unfollow **** accounts but I mostly used Instagram for this purpose. I opened a separate Buddhist oriented Instagram account where I only follow Buddhist Instagram accounts. As for the personal Instagram account I knew that it was a major reason why I had to keep resetting my NoFap counter and my account was of no other use to me either. Another precursor was from my normal YouTube account. YouTube would suggest me videos, some of them which had thots in them. After watching one **** video after another, I would later develop TUC and then move onto PMO in a day. So I started a new YouTube account specifically for NoFap where YouTube would suggest me content related to the purpose I was using it for from this new account in a totally different browser (Opera). So like this I identified typical precursors and found ways to avoid them.

    I remind myself of the feeling after a PMO session. Soon after PMO I would feel less motivated, lethargic and feel like taking a nap. So to keep my streak going on, I reminded myself of the unpleasant aftertaste of PMO which made me turn away from it every time curiosity developed in me to PMO one more time. I don’t have to rely on this anymore, but earlier in the streak it was of use to reflect upon from time to time."
    a_new_chapter and pancabalani like this.
  3. Hello folks, how is everyone doing so far?

    Any challenges? Urges? Issues related to NoFap?
  4. Okay folks here are some updates on the first thread. Please feel free to make any new suggestions and discuss about them and we can implement them if necessary -


    This is a space for Buddhist fapstronauts of any school of Buddhism.
    This is where we update each other on the challenges we are facing in our reboot. It is a space to encourage each other towards the goal of rebooting and beyond that depending on our own reasons as to what we want from NoFap.

    There are no hard rules for the thread, and it is about creating an environment of ease without any pressure. However this is what is recommended.
    • Setup the NoFap counter
    • Start a NoFap journal and add regular entries. Start your journal as a thread in your age group and link that thread to your profile.
    • Put updates in this thread on a regular basis (preferably daily)
    • Follow each other on NoFap
    • Keep in touch with each other through NoFap inbox. You could pair up with a partner or be in touch with the different Buddhist fapstronauts.
    • Join the Buddhist Fapstronauts Group on NoFap

    Possible improvements
    • To start a NoFap inbox group conversation in addition to the above

    All of these methods will help to increase accountability. It is the mentality of all for one and one for all. As per NoFap guidelines only 20 members in this group. If more members like to join, then additional threads can be started.



  5. @Adam4Smith @a_new_chapter @pace4peace @Sh0e @MixerAwersome @lavalight147 @Phoenix87 @kammaSati @Gasti @janjijoni @Sebuktegin @pancabalani

    Hello everyone. I have altered the first post and added more description onto it. There are somethings which I have recommended where they can be incorporated as we wish based on our requirements, but the more people join with the activities the better it will help with accountability.

    Let me start today by putting down my entry -

    Yesterday I had a nap after noon. After I woke up I realised I got an urge. It felt so good but still I didnt feel that pushed by the urge to act upon it. However I did look up P-sub and stopped doing it when I knew that I shouldnt be doing it. Yesterday evening I was doing meditation in the meditation hall in the monastery that I am staying in. I did more than an hour of Brahmavihara meditations followed by Anapanasati (Mindfulness of Breathing).
    I woke up today but didnt get up from bed. Whiles I was in bed I had thoughts of feeling the comfort of women as I did feel I missed this aspect of life in the monastery. Before long I got up and these feelings went away.

    Sleeping time and time spent in bed without falling asleep is a time for me when I am most vulnerable to PMO related thoughts entering my mind.
    Gasti and pancabalani like this.
  6. janjijoni

    janjijoni Fapstronaut

    I'm being reminded again about how porn and touching myself has brought me.

    It is a struggle, indeed. But also I believe it is a rewarding one. I notice that when I am immersed in lustful thoughts my breathing is heavy and nasty. It is like a fiend's breathing. Also, the guilt I experience when that thoughts immersed in and when I get drowned in it is not a pleasant experience and definitely not a peaceful one.

    So I am here to find solace amidst the lust-filled world which fuels are desire. Definitely not a peaceful world indeed.
    a_new_chapter likes this.
  7. MixerAwersome

    MixerAwersome Fapstronaut

    I need to take control of myself.For me its getting hard to fall asleep.Everything else is good.
  8. The aurges are things which are expected and we have to find healthy ways of dealing with them. Have you read the NoFap user guide? because this gives a list of common methods that can be used to make the urges subsid when they appear. I know its not that short but it covers a lot of things which are important that tends to get overlooked.

    For me personally the two main methods I used were cold showers or the 6th Tibetan Rite depending on the situation. Currently I am looking into urge surfing and trying to learn this method fully so I can use it like a tool when an unexpected urge arises. If I manage to do that then I hope to put a Buddhist spin on it so that it becomes more relatable to us not only as fapstronauts but also to our Buddhist lifestyle.
  9. Yes falling asleep was a difficult one for me in the early days of my streak. Start by avoiding the use of electronic devices 2 hours before you start going to bed. Listen to Yoga Nidra guided meditation when in bed in Shavasana when falling asleep as this, if this works is supposed to give a deeper sleep making you refreshed in the morning. Part of the reason why people relapse is because of unstable circadian rhythmns. It is important to get more sleep during the early days in NoFap and to overcome any form of sleep deprival.
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  10. Gasti likes this.
  11. Dromedary

    Dromedary New Fapstronaut

    Hey Dharma friends! It is very pleasant and inspiring to read your sincere experiences. I thank you all for all this effort and diligence. I have discovered this wonderful community today and I have felt the need to start a 90 days hard mode challenge. I am practicing the Dharma since a while and it has brought huge benefits to my life and people around me,but I must share that I am continuing to struggle with PMO but today I have decided to quit. Even if I have the habit to keep the phone/pc off for some days per week, I would be happy to join you and share this journey together.
    May we and all be happy and free!
    Gasti, Paranimmita and a_new_chapter like this.
  12. MixerAwersome

    MixerAwersome Fapstronaut

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  13. pancabalani

    pancabalani New Fapstronaut

    Hello everyone! I'm honored to be part of this group _/\_

    Currently, I'm going for a 90-Day celibate period. My current challenge is staying away from MO. This week I realized that watching the girls on my Zoom online yoga lessons didn't help. People taking these online lessons can choose "Gallery view", where you see a small frame of other people. So, in my screen there were something like 15 other people, and more than half of these were girls. I kept it like that because I thought it helped me in giving a "sense" of community, and not being alone at home practicing yoga. The thing is that during the classes, occasionally, I would take a look at some of these girls (with a lot of lust!). And, for someone trying to be celibate, that doesn't help! So, in the last few lessons I did something different: I pinned my own video to the screen, to view my own camera full-screen. It went really well, so I will continue doing that.
    Paranimmita and a_new_chapter like this.
  14. Hi @Paranimmita and everyone, glad to hear the sharing from you guys. I have been a little busy recently with some job searches, which kept me busy, but this also had the benefits of reducing my urge because I have to focus more on work. It is a bit stressful at times but I think nofap and buddhist teachings are very helpful during this process. I find that nofap has greatly boosted my self-confidence and buddhist teachings on focusing on the now instead of worrying about something that hasn't arrived yet also helps me feel more calm, peaceful, and less stressed. Anyway, hope everyone is doing well!
    pancabalani and Paranimmita like this.
  15. These are GREAT tips and resources!! Thank you for sharing them!!!
    pancabalani and Paranimmita like this.
  16. MixerAwersome

    MixerAwersome Fapstronaut

    hey,can I join these online classes?
    I want to try yoga + meditation,as I have lot of free time.
    Pm me if you can help.
  17. janjijoni

    janjijoni Fapstronaut

    Heavy urge last night! Managed to sleep it off though. Hope you all have a great day.

    Sukhi hontu :emoji_pray:
    pancabalani, Gasti and MixerAwersome like this.
  18. @Adam4Smith @a_new_chapter @pace4peace @Sh0e @MixerAwersome @lavalight147 @Phoenix87 @kammaSati @Gasti @janjijoni @Sebuktegin @pancabalani @Dromedary

    Good day everyone,

    @pancabalani I had a similar problem with Instagram where I spent a lot of time looking at fitness models and yoga girls. And I figured out that it was a backdoor to PMO. So I deleted Instragram. But eventually I do plan to start my personal Instagram and get exposed to what is normal and these days even images of sexy girls have to be considered 'normal'. It comes down to the question of whether we should avoid all stimuli forever or get to the point where our minds just brush them off as 'normal'.

    @Dromedary welcome to the Buddhist accountability thread (as well as NoFap). If you havnt already it would be very helpful to read through the NoFap user guide.

    @janjijoni have you thought of making up a strategy when you get urges? How to deal with them. As for me, I do cold showers or the 6th Tibetan Rite. I am currently looking into urge surfing. I feel it will be of great benefit to have a set of activities you can do to let go as well as transform these urges. I will make a list here at some point.
    pancabalani likes this.
  19. Gasti

    Gasti Fapstronaut

    Hi everybody!
    So I chose to go for a "leap" method concerning MO and I've decided to try to never use P again.

    So the first challenge in my leap method with MO is one month, and I'll have to be specially careful with s-P.

    Few days have passed, and I've been and am very busy, so, so far everything is okay with the chanllenge.
    Thanks @Paranimmita for your guide a support.

    Hope you all are having a great day!
    janjijoni and pancabalani like this.
  20. pancabalani

    pancabalani New Fapstronaut

    Sexualized girls are everywhere. It's a cultural thing now. The new 'normal'. If you are on social media, watch YouTube or Netflix, eventually you're going to come across images or videos like that.

    We know that during a reboot period it's best to stay away from sexy materials altogether, including those we can find on YouTube, Netflix, and social media.

    The question is, what about next? Do we let them in or out?

    Also, who is doing the looking?

    janjijoni and Gasti like this.

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