Bullied as a kid?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by lostandfound, Aug 2, 2017.

  1. lostandfound

    lostandfound Fapstronaut

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    Just out of curiosity how many of you were bullied in one way or another when you were growing up? Just reflecting back to my own situation growing up. Bullying led to isolation, isolation led depression, depression led to masturbation. Is porn usage related to being an outcast? Is it possible to be outgoing and social but a porn addict? Do the types of porn we prefer relate to a particular problem we face growing up or do normal people just get sucked into it?
     
  2. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    The kind of bullying I experienced at school was that insidious kind of abuse where at the time I didnt even realise that it was abuse, it was a very passive aggressive kind of harassment that I strongly believe has led me to be the insecure and unsure person I am now (I'm trying hard to fix this part of me however). In high school I was even regularly made fun of because I wouldnt talk about my masturbation habits, at a time when I didnt actually masturbate, so that definitely affected me a lot. Thankfully its been years since I was last anywhere near that shithole and years since I spoke to any of the people I was forced into spending time with there, in that time I've made genuine friends and have made a lot of progress.
     
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  3. zathura

    zathura Fapstronaut

    I was bullied growing up, and by the time I made it to high school, I was socially awkward and connected with very few people. This has continued until today, 20+ years later. Since I grew up in a time without high speed internet, my compulsion manifested itself in masturbation. The progression you outlined, bullying to isolation to depression - I experienced all of those things, sure, but for me masturbation was more of an escape from my day. I did in nightly and cultivated my addiction to fantasy during that time as well. I believe these were the seeds that allowed me to easily transition to porn addiction. The moment I entered the word "pornography" into a search field when I was in college - and this was in 94' - I was hooked and I've never turned back. That's my story, and obviously there's much more to it than that, but to answer your question on whether it's possible to be outgoing, social, or "normal" and get sucked into porn addiction - the answer is a resounding yes. I can say this based off of the countless interactions I've had with addicts on this forum and elsewhere. Porn addiction, especially with high speed internet, can suck anybody in. I do think, however, that there are some who are more susceptible than others. Bullying, depression, isolation - these are symptoms that are the most dangerous because as addicts we're looking to escape, self-medicate, soothe - and porn provides that temporarily and deceives us into thinking it's helping us.
     
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  4. kattskagg

    kattskagg Fapstronaut

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    I was bullied. I've always been socially awkward and small and weak, but don't believe porn made anything worse at that time. Reason I got so addicted was my never ending libido, even if it took some of the pain away. Played lots of video games as well, but still had some friends.

    So even if I would have been popular in school and even had girls, I'd still be an addict, I think. Porn addiction is probably an genetic predisposition, like most things in life.


    Kattskägg
     
  5. NightReaper775

    NightReaper775 Fapstronaut

    I was bullied as a kid (10-13 years old). There was a specific group of people who always picked on me for no apparent reason. I was weak (and still am, physically) and I could not defend myself, not that I encourage anyone to use violence but sometimes having strenght is pretty benefitial. I had some friends and people were nice to me apart from those kids, so it was not always so bad, but going to school was problematic and I was scared. I resorted to shouting and crying when I was stressed out because of bullying, I even started picking on a girl on my class myself just as an escape for my own problems. I also got addicted to videogames around this age, and it also felt like an escape and a way to feel good. My only friends ended up being the ones I played with, or that were caring enough to treat me as an equal.

    I am pretty sure this led to me not being prepared for high school life, and delayed every "normal" experience. I had many friends on high school and I was treated nice, but as I said I was unprepared due to not being able to connect to people due to fear. I kept playing games, watching porn (althought I mostly masturbated) and having some minor OCDs (like touching my hair) to fend off any stress, and I was unmotivated to go on and live a normal life. Only recently I managed to understand that things have to change and that these habits are the remnants of stressful situations, which "helped" me to relief any new stress that would come my way, and "direct" my energy towards something that made me feel good, and, during this process, I would be deprived of energy, uncapable of managing new situations, and fearful of many things.

    Take care.
     
  6. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    The thing you said about delayed normal experiences is so relatable to me. I'm 20 and only started spending time with friends outside of online gaming or school/college when I was 16, I only started showing an interest in anything other than my very limited interests about a year and a half ago, and have only started showing any interest in a relationship since the start of this year, which may sound ridiculous but I blame it on being so utterly enraptured by my various vices that I couldnt see how life was passing me by while I sat around doing basically nothing worthwhile.
     
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  7. I wasn't bullied too much as a kid. As a teenager and an adult however...

    As I stated in my first post ever on these forums (quoted in my signature), I'm concerned that PMO might well result in a loss of confidence over time. I had no self-esteem well before I ever M'ed, and in my late teens/early twenties was starting to feel that I was broken because I didn't M. (I didn't O either during intercourse, which didn't help either).

    My advice to those who are still being bullied is that if you're unable to change the situation, find someone in a position of authority (teacher, supervisor, LEO), and let them know. If they're dismissive of you, call you a cry-baby, whatever... leave them and go to someone else, bonus points f they're higher up the ladder. Try to document as much as you can, both the actual bullying and your interactions to get it stopped. If something does go wrong, you've got a paper trail (or whatever it is people use nowadays) highlighting your side, because in most of the world...

    BULLYING IS A CRIME!

    I keep a notebook with me and document whenever members of the public abuse me in the line of work. The only colleague I've had any real issues in the last few years with is a known trouble-maker with issues he needs to deal with. (I have issues too, but I'm dealing with them).
     
  8. Lonewolfpt

    Lonewolfpt Fapstronaut

    I was bullied too for the most of my time in school like 7th until 11th grade.

    Yeah due to the absence of my father i grew as a sensitive, weak, hurt kid.

    And the bullies saw my vulnerabilities and took advantage of that to put their insecurities on me. That lead to my low-low self esteem which got me in a lovely but excessively controling relationship for the past 5 years.

    She dumped and i found out about Nofap.

    Time to breake the cycle . Nothing is over yet i am young.

    This time i will be sucessfull, masculine, confident and control my sexual energy.

    May God help me
     
  9. lamstronger

    lamstronger Fapstronaut

    yeah i was, i think i became an introvert bcuz of it, or pmo did it. I like being an introvert. Entering uni changed me, so im a new person. But I'm still a work in progress
     
  10. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    I was Not bullied as a child. Yet II stil found and indulged in PMO.

    Bullying IS a real problem and can have terrible consequences. Our foremost attitude toward each other should be that of kindness, forgiveness and respect. That doesn't always happen unfortunately.

    However, I think often times people blame normal adolescence behavior as bullying. There are way to many young people with snowflake feelings who whine or don't get their way, only to blame thier problems on someone else. I believe every youth experiences social growing pains. We all will feel excluded, or say something dumb, or feel awkward, or alone. That doesn't make us victims, and isn't causation for developing bad habits. We always have power to choose. It's the forgetting of this that enslaves us.

    People will be mean to you. People will take advantage of you. People will use to you. And people will react to you. So what.

    In the end we are responsible for ourselves. I own that my distruction is my fault. Just as my fortitude and choices are mine. My resiliance, my joy, my successes are also mine.
     
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  11. I was bully by everyone's in my school from geek to jockey because I guess didn't fit in that certain groups, hell I got bully by my own friends and called me name(racist,homophobic and bigotry),that's why I hate the school it's full of people's I can't stand. In make me commit suicide and depression on how much they bullying and I even got Bitch Bully who spread rumor to ruin my day and she's even stalker on me to make get reaction from her bigotry comment but FUCK HER in the ass with a rapist, God I can't stand that girl and my "friends"
     
  12. So true , I was made fun of had terrible acne from 7th grade - 12grade feeling isolated like there was no one I could talk to about It that cared that realy was hard and I was depressed a lot of that time had zero self confidence and self esteem during that time it was pure hell for me had only 1 real friend I could count on, Those were very tough times for me being bullied in school I don't think I was ever happier than the day I got my diploma and didn't have to go back to there. As hard as it was I learned I could handle a lot more shit than a lot of people who have had it easy in there lives who crumble when things turn bad and there is no time table as to when it will let up. My skin got a lot thicker and my ablity to push threw and be comfortable with being uncomfortable certainly has followed me to this day it also made me a more caring person my heart goes out to those still being bullied as for me now I DONT TAKE SHIT FROM ANYONE AND I LET PEOPLE NO UPFRONT WHAT I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH
     
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  13. meatsandwich

    meatsandwich Fapstronaut

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    I was bullied since childhood, even by teachers and that wasn't because of looks and more because I be ''weird'' and I didn't really enjoy playing games with other kids and I more enjoyed reading books, as it would take me into another world even when I didn't go to school and some of relatives even called me ''genius'' mostly because I knew a lot of stuff, as I had encyclopedias to read and yet nowadays I don't remember anything from them and then also I didn't have father, as he left family when I was born and also I had two brothers yet they trough my childhood was away always. Though there could be massive benefits too, as I didn't start any of their bad habits. I am mentally weak while being physically strong, so I fought back until I got to fear that I could do something that could do damage and then I would have massive problems, so I really started to skip school and even in one year skipping around 400-500 classes, going once per two weeks, but still I was able to finish and I changed schools 4 times, I didn't even try to socialize in the last one and then yet people started to give me attention and most likely because they noticed that I be always alone, they tried to abuse me mentally and then I stopped going there for lessons at all and finished my studies at home. Socially I will never feel comfortable and my fear is massive, somehow people in my country just are going for me even when I didn't do anything to them.
     
  14. Jungler

    Jungler Fapstronaut

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    Man, I used to get bullied alot in my teens and had to change hometowns and that means I had to change school too, so being the 'new kid' in class wasn't easy and every excuse to pick on me was a lame version of 'picking on the new kid in school' and also had little to no knowledge of the language ( had to change country when I was 8 I think). So I was fairly an easy target.
    Also I have to mention that I had hard time making friendships, which later led me to become lonely and depressed, consequently my grades were shit and lost interest in my studies. I would literally go to school just to let time go by.
    Being a dropout had led me to indulge in bad habits that kept me from succeeding in life. However I've made big steps to improve myself and get out of my shell - kinda feel a whole new different person now that I'm in my mid twenties.

    Bet no one of those bullies would mess with me now.
     
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  15. Bogo Biggins

    Bogo Biggins Fapstronaut

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    I was physically and mentally bullied in school, and physically and mentally bullied at home as a child, which meant that from the ages of about 5 to 16 I literally had no where to hide. You can imagine this was a really tough deal, and something about 40 years on I still have to contend with.

    TBH I am amazed I am relatively "normal" and don't have a psychiatric condition. Certainly my PMO is closely related to this... I first encountered P at about 6 years old.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2018
  16. Shapirous

    Shapirous Fapstronaut

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    I was bullied even in the high school.
     
  17. odjoeo

    odjoeo Fapstronaut

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    Im ashamed of the porn I'm attracted to. It involves subtle (sometimes not so subtle) domination, enjoying seeing someone else (read "pretty woman") feel awkward, embarrassed, or powerless, and lots of objectification. I hate saying this but I will: the section on deviant art called "butt injuries" is very compelling, as is butt slapping in women's wwe. Those are things I'm inevitably drawn to.
    I've wondered where this ugliness originated from. I'm hoping there is some explanation simlar to what you're suggesting. I don't like the thought that I'm just naturally drawn to unkindness or even meanness.
     
  18. TenderCrisp

    TenderCrisp Fapstronaut

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    Please don't be so graphic / specific about what kind of sexual stuff you're into without so much as a TRIGGER WARNING! No rebooting heterosexual Fapstronaut wants to read about pretty women and what they do to them in porn. It fires up imagination and/or memory / porn flashbacks.
     
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  19. TenderCrisp

    TenderCrisp Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to this. Emotionally abused and neglected by both of my parents, bullied by my "joke" of a stepfather from the age of 14 to 19 and beyond (but at 19 I moved out). Developed anger issues and depressed moods at age 14. Tough time in my new school. And a simultaneously growing (p)mo addiction, while for some reason heavily / completely suppressing the demands and problems and challenges of puberty / adolescence / coming of age and the desire for real life sexual encounters. Peter Pan syndrome or whatever. Always felt this panic when a girl was into me and just wanted it to be over and have fun like I used to in elementary school. Started smoking and drinking age 11, smoking pot at age 14/15. Been in a somber mood / heavily depressed, increasingly introverted and lonely for most of my twenties. Developed homicidal and suicidal thoughts. Almost became a chain smoker and an alcoholic. Then my body developed panic attacks and anxiety probably due to all the dark thoughts I'd been having for such a long time. And then one day as a result of this panic it dawned on me that I don't really want to die (anymore). I want to live.

    Today I am proud to announce I have quit smoking and drinking and I'm eating more or less healthy, am in relatively good shape, meditate, work out, and really feel like my life is improving. Now I'm considering returning to NoFap, as mo and later pmo have been more or less a daily routine for me since kindergarten. I don't know, maybe on top of all the other shit someone abused me when I was too young to remember. At least I've read somewhere that hypersexual behavior in kids that age may be a sign for abuse. So pmo and the likes really feel like the last bad habit I need to tackle and ditch. It was the first one I developed, so it's obviously the "root addiction" if you will...and therefore the strongest of them all and the one I have yet to overcome.
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2018
  20. TenderCrisp

    TenderCrisp Fapstronaut

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    I don't think you have to be an outcast to become a porn addict, although it definitely "helps". For many, the contrary is true though: They develop a porn addiction and THEN they become outcasts. Porn addictions can make you shut yourself off and cut off contact to friends and family Just like many other severe substance addictions will.

    I think to a certain degree you can be a "porn addict", or let's say a heavy porn user, and still somewhat outgoing. Just as you can be successful in career, family life, etc. while fapping your life away at home. The question is how strong is the actual addiction and how well are you able to manage it.

    I don't believe the types of porn are related to a particular problem we face growing up. I rather think the type of porn we are initially into is the type of porn we first stumbled upon. When we're young we have those phases where everything even remotely sexual turns you on. Whatever you come across at that sensitive age, chances are you'll develop a thing for that.
     

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