Bumping along the bottom + the devil

I had a three month streak which i broke by sexually lapsing. For the past 20+ days i've been trying to get back up and generate another hopefully never-ending streak of chastity.

Instead it's been relapse after relapse. Now i know NoFap is more than just NoFap i.e. you are unlikely to maintain sexual chastity by making just that the be-all and end-all of your life's mission.

That, "the something else", i'm trying to do, live life productively, well, creatively even. So the psychological quandary i'm in is trying to understand why i am sabotaging myself repeatedly in this manner.

I'm beginning to think that maybe the missing factor is "the devil", I had a dream once about the silver-screen of my life playing my movie, come the final curtain, i get to come onto the screen stage but for am bullied onto it with an "enemy spirit" sharing authorship of my life.

The problem is i don't come from a Catholic background, i was received into the Church some 4.5 years back from a Hindu background. Hindus just don't believe in a metaphysical devil.

You could call me an ex-Hindu Catholic, but unfortunately i have had a double-vision in matters religious, seeing with Christian and Hindu eyes simultaneously. Hindus believe in the ego and desire but not in the universal enemy of mankind.

I suppose one eye must become dominant. It seems to me that when i do give into desire my desire is in exact congruence with the Devil's desire for me. Here i admit his existence.

Can you help me understand what the devil is, what is he as an entity, and critically how and why God have permitted his existence in the very first place?

How can i live the Christian-life and be focused on Christ while simultaneously being aware and wary of The Devil? You can't surely have focus on both, focus on one defocuses the other?

Hypothetically, If i forge ahead successfully with NoFap, doesn't that make the devil a kind of accomplice to my success? Can you re-factor this equation so it is balanced?

I have been a very weak Catholic thus far, i didn't catechize myself all that well, any introductory texts/books on-topic and relevant to what i've posted would be much appreciated.

I have just bought "The Screwtape Letters" to help me with NoFap

Thanks for reading.

 

I put that point about "accomplice" in not a very clear-minded way, the thought i was had was : having so far not given much thought to the devil, if i succeed with nofap it'll be thanks to admitting his existence.

When i think about this now it's kinda fails the sanity test. Or in other words, it's just the reality of the situation man is in, assailed by the devil but saved by God, if we accept his salvation.