BURDEN OF SUCCESS IS SO REAL, OFTEN LEADS TO FAILURE

Hi, everyone

I am a newbie to the concept of NoFap. My longest streak and that too at the first trial was 30 days(felt really proud about that). Since my relapse after the first trial, I have never been able to reach up to that mark, have read posts here also about relapse and motivation and have gained a lot from them. There is still something which bothers me which I am not able to fully eradicate. I am writing this post to get some really constructive feedback and I also believe, me being vocal here would help me keep in check might also help someone else out there like me.

THE ISSUE:
After the first relapse, I have always felt more and more pressurized about NoFap.Don't get me wrong I understand its effects and long-term benefits. But each day since then I have been afraid of my failure in it, up to the mark that I mostly think about NOT FAPPING ultimately leading to FAPPING because I got nuts in my mind about it. Something which should be normal, like it is for a lot of people out here, is not normal for me. I feel afraid all the time that I will fail again and guess what it does happen for me.
Yes, I have been abstaining myself from porn but still, it happens. And the worst part when I am done with the act of pleasuring myself, I feel good about it, as if I earned that or deserved that.This is the twist. (Now I should mention I do not masturbate every single day. Sometimes once in 10 days or once a week.)
I can see conflicting viewpoints within me only. Also, this leads to constant pressure and guilt about what I am doing is right or not? which again creates the vicious circle of increased thought process, abstaining and then one day breaking it.

a) All I am asking here is what can I do to make this NoFap thing not something SACRED? so that my mind does not put it on a pedestal and sees it as a healthy part of life.
ANY SUCH PERSPECTIVE WOULD HELP ME IN MY JOURNEY

Thank You!!

 

Thank you so much for your advice @emedemario. ALL THE BEST to you too.