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Calling me again...

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by hydroxide, Jul 31, 2018.

  1. Jul 31, 2018 #1
    hydroxide

    hydroxide Fapstronaut

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    I've almost gone 40 days without PMO. I intend for this to be the streak that gets me out of PMO addiction once and for all. Masturbation addiction was less serious - I haven't had any urge to masturbate in a while. I may have rebooted from that already. But P is really the monster, my brain is still telling me stuff about why I should go back, even after 40 days without. It's getting harder to resist, and I've even caught myself almost giving in to my mind, so I'll write this to keep myself reminded not to do it.

    My mind is constantly trying to tell me to do it. Keeps giving me reasons:

    "You're lonely and you won't have any opportunities to change that soon." This is probably the one I'm weakest to. I'm not unsociable; I've got a bunch of friends. But they're always busy, and I'm always busy, and we barely ever get to do stuff together. Plus, the depression that I've been hiding under PMO is getting out now, and that makes me not feel like talking to anyone a lot of the time. Which brings me to my brain's second major weakness:

    "PMO is comforting. NoFap is making you depressed. Why torture yourself?" This one is quite self-explanatory. But I'll refute it by saying that PMO provides a few seconds of comfort and drags you down much more than it lifts you up. NoFap is not making me depressed. I have had depression, and PMO was just me running away from it. It won't heal by going back to PMO, I'll only make it out if I face it and change it, which I have the chance to do right now. So I'll push myself past this and end it this time; I'm already on my way and I don't want to go back.

    "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." As a Christian, I could use willpower and determination but what's strongest is the power that God gives me. Sometimes (like now) I can't even see how it would be worth it. But God sees it, and I know it's there. So maybe I'm blinded by depression and PMO addiction, and I can't see why they would be worth overcoming.

    But I'll fight my way through it blindly, because I believe. Live by Faith and not by sight.
     
    hydroxide, Jul 31, 2018
    hydroxide, Jul 31, 2018
    #1
    JJackson likes this.
  2. Jul 31, 2018 #2
    Jack3107

    Jack3107 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey ! :)
    I totally understand what you're going through. Although I've been off masturbation for over 4 years now, I've had multiple relapses to porn. Now it's been a year that I haven't watched any porn. What I've learnt is that the little voice in your head that constantly make you feel like the only solution to the situation you're in is to watch porn, the one that makes you forget all the reasons why it was hurting you and making you feel bad, the one that makes you loose hope in regards to your progress. This voice is going to be completely shut down if you just keep on holding on through your abstinence a few more days. Even if it succeeds at making you loose all your rationale, just keep holding on and then before you know it you're going to feel peace again and attain a new milestone. This is not going to be the first or last time it'll happen to you, just know that if you keep up with your abstinence, the voice will have a lower impact on you each time it manifests itself.

    Recovery is a long road and you know you're about to develop a thicker skin when you're challenged that much. Be resilient ! you can do it ! :)
     
    Jack3107, Jul 31, 2018
    Jack3107, Jul 31, 2018
    #2
  3. Jul 31, 2018 #3
    ImGonnaDoThis4628

    ImGonnaDoThis4628 Fapstronaut

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    Hey happy to see your taking on this battle, I just started myself, I was fighting it alone and managed to be porn free for a year then fell back into it and currently watching 2-3 times a week for only about 5 minutes, which involves a quick video and masturbation. Which immediately I and carrying a ton of guilt and shame.
    Which brings me to the second part I too am a Christian, and when it comes to this battle, it either can do one of two things, make it easier or harder. For along time and still today it has made it harder for Me, though I am learning still. One thing I have learned is do not let it make you feel less in the Eyes of our God. Many many people in the bible taught the same if not similar battles. Nothing is new under the son. And they got guidance and got through it.
    Now my 3rd part, do not lean only on the bible and expect to get better, God himself has given us common Grace's. Like this site is a common grace, helping all people, believers and unbelievers alike, another one is medication, excersize, cold showers, doctors, the science that doctors and people are finding about how real and devastating porn addiction is is a common grace. And to be able to look past the guilt and shame is a huge step in recovery. Which I myself am still at the extremely baby small steps. Just know no matter what life throws at you, porn, money, job loss, gains etc. God is by your side through the battle and just your faith towards him and his son is more then enough for him. The rest of the tools as mentioned above. Take advantage of them! I know I am now just starting too.
     
    ImGonnaDoThis4628, Jul 31, 2018
    ImGonnaDoThis4628, Jul 31, 2018
    #3
  4. Jul 31, 2018 #4
    ImGonnaDoThis4628

    ImGonnaDoThis4628 Fapstronaut

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    Also just know 95 Percent of Christian men struggle with porn addiction. And for you to step out like this from among the 80-90 percent that are doing nothing is a miracle in itself
     
    ImGonnaDoThis4628, Jul 31, 2018
    ImGonnaDoThis4628, Jul 31, 2018
    #4

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