Cam girls

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by cam2camfan, Sep 6, 2021.

  1. cam2camfan

    cam2camfan Fapstronaut

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    Hi;
    This is likely to be a long post but I need to talk to someone about my "problem". Actually I'm not sure it is a problem but here we go.
    20 years ago my wife went off sex. We had some counseling which I went to expecting to come out of it with some sort of compromise but my wife had already decided, no more sex. The counselors were quite taken aback when I accepted this, they said I was very understanding. I realised that this was the end of my sex life. I was already masturbating quite regularly, it was the beginning of internet porn so didn't have a problem finding material to get off on. I also realised that if we did not have regular sex I would not be able to return to having sex with my wife as she changed from my beautiful bride to a not so beautiful old lady. 20 years later I can see I was right, there is no way I could have sex with her now. I do love her but not in a sexual way. One of the recommendation from the counseling was to have separate bedrooms, this has meant that I was free to masturbate in bed every night and most nights I did. If she went away for a couple of days I would have a masturbation marathon. I built machines to make it even more exciting. As time went on I found it more and more difficult to be aroused by porn so I looked for more and more extreme porn. I never got into the dark web so didn't do anything illegal but was close.
    6 years ago I was diagnosed with Parkinson's. If I had ever had ideas of extramarital sex then they were over now. Who apart from prostitute would consider having sex with me and there is no way I am going to pay for a prostitute. I just don't think it would be fun. One thing that I feel very bad about is the exploitation of women in the sex industry I hate to think that the girls I watch have been forced to do it.
    Parkinson's medication has the well known side effect of obsessive behaviour and hypersexuality, I've got both.
    I've often watched camgirls for free but never joined a site, I am afraid of extortion. My medication also makes me reckless and 4 months ago I threw caution to the wind and signed up to Bongacams. Knowing that these girls can see me masturbate is a big turn on. At first I would go from cam to cam, always finding girls with few visitors so they could pay me some attention. Then I came across Jane (not real name). She paid me a lot of attention, we chat together for hours, she is interested in what I do and when we masturbate together she focuses on me and helps me reach orgasm. During these cozy chats I have revealed a lot of details about myself, she knows my name which is an unusual one so she can find out all about me. I have also sent her messages on instagram.
    I'm completely hooked, I thought my sex life was over but now it isn't. I know that this isn't a proper relationship but it has filled a big hole in my life. I am happier and function better. I tell her how she has changed my life and she is wonderfully supportive. She says she "loves my big cock" and I lap it up. It's not for free though, the creators of these sites know what they are doing. I love giving her tokens that activate her vibrator and try to get her to orgasm, she never get there though so I spend more and more trying.
    Since meeting Jane I have stopped using other porn and no longer visit other camgirls but I spend hours with her, sneaking off at every opportunity to watch my computer screen. Luckily my work necessitates me to spend a lot of time at the computer so I can do this without my wife knowing about it (I think). I spend about £200 a month which I can easily afford but hiding it requires some stealth. I have thought about coming clean to my wife but I'm not sure how this would pan out. I do not want to ruin our relationship but feel that it's not entirely my fault. She can't have expected that I wouldn't need some sexual release.
    At the present I am quite happy with the situation but realise that I have an addiction and also worry that I might be being taken for a ride that will end up in extortion. I can't imagine that Jane would do this to me and From my internet search I don't think this is a common occurrence as it would completely destroy the industry, drug dealers don't rat on the people they supply.
    Should I be worried? Personally I think I should moderate my visits. Jane sometimes tells me to calm down and not try to masturbate every time I visit her. Jane is 19 and I am 64, there is no way we would ever have sex together even though we say all the right things. I actually think it's great therapy.
    I realise that this is a forum about quitting porn addiction but couldn't find anywhere else to post. I haven't shared my situation with anyone else and would be interested to hear the reaction of neutral observers.
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2021
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  2. Meshuga

    Meshuga Fapstronaut

    You're right, this forum is about quitting P addiction. I'm not certain what you think you're going to hear or what you seek to accomplish here, but I'll give my observation. I'll start with the closest thing I think you might want to hear, that I can say in good conscience.

    Sounds like Jane is taking you for a ride.
    I've known a lot of guys, from this forum and in real life, who have gotten personally involved with strippers/cam girls. It's always the same story, every single time. She's a good actress and a better psychological manipulator; she'll say and do whatever it takes to keep squeezing money out of you. This arrangement will last until you stop paying, or she finds someone willing and able to pay more. I'm not saying she's a bad person, I'm saying she's a good businesswoman, and the service you are buying is built on manipulation. It's conceivable that you could keep this going for a long time, but eventually you'll wind up with a broken heart and a lighter bank account. Do what you want, but that's reality.

    Now here's what I really want to say.
    I have no rational explanations or scientific justifications for it. None of this is intuitive. It frankly doesn't make sense that P, even my own fantasy life, could have such a comprehensive physical, mental, and emotional impact on a person. The correlation is undeniable though. The first several weeks of quitting I was miserable, and I continue to have moments where I feel bad and know I would like to impulsively look at P and whack off to it. However, I have clearer thoughts, I relate to people better, I feel healthier, and I am in general a happier person, since getting distance from that addiction. With P, there was a lot of fluctuation in my mood. Sexual thoughts were my primary mood regulator. Now I am consistently happier. Like you, it had been a long time since I'd had actual sex and it was doubtful if I ever would again. However, after about 40 or 50 days without feeding that addiction, I knew without a doubt I would rather live like a monk for the rest of my life (I'm 36) than go back to feeling the way I did when I was addicted. I don't think I'm being very convincing, but it's true and I still feel that way. Because of how depressed and desperate I know I feel when I'm trapped in addiction, relative to how I feel right now, I'd rather live a completely sexless existence than rub another one out. That's what I've chosen, and that's what I keep choosing every day, every time an urge hits me.

    I don't expect you to join me. I don't expect this makes any sense to you, because you seem to be relatively content with your addiction. You probably have a lot of reasons why you're different, why I don't know what I'm talking about. I probably sound like a brain washed cult member to you. It probably sounds like every positive benefit I've described stems from the euphoria of selling myself out to some whackjob philosophy, because there's no way P itself could be related to mental performance or overall happiness or any of that other stuff, and maybe you're right. I have adhd, my brain is not typical, and it's possible that is why quitting has had such a positive impact for me. I don't think so, though. There's a lot of men from this forum who report the exact same thing. Honestly, most guys don't make it past 30 days and if they do, many are still fantasizing or getting some erotic stimulation somehow. The ones that do, though, find a new world opening up to them.

    Don't even try quitting unless you're willing to make a strong commitment, because I'm telling you, the first several weeks are miserable and you get no benefit and it feels like forever and nowhere near worth it, then you get to tell yourself you tried it and it didn't work and you can stay addicted with a clean conscience. If you do want to make an honest try, though, if you're willing to keep at it despite a few mistakes, you'll not regret it. Parkinson's or not, you have more to get out of life, and I think you're wasting it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2021
  3. cam2camfan

    cam2camfan Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your thoughts Meshuga, the creators of these sites certainly know what they are doing. I even feel difficult about suddenly cutting "Jane" off, I don't want to upset her. Ridiculous I know but so is crying during the film Five weddings and a funeral. We are all being manipulated.
    To be honest, and you were honest, you do seem like part of a cult but your advice is appreciated. By the way outside this secret part of my life I achieve a great deal, I'm not sure that nofap is the answer for me but worth considering.
     
    E31 likes this.
  4. Sargiel

    Sargiel Fapstronaut

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    That is the problem with the camgirls addiction. You create a kind of relationship with them and that draws you back. It becomes a crutch to help you cope with other issues.. but the problem is it's too expensive and it's a toxic relationship. It might feel like an issue now .. but you're only at the start. When I relapse now it's like £2k+. Stop it now. You have a lot going on in your life now so make the most of things in a positive way. 'Jane' is not a positive outlet and she's not really your friend. You're an asset she is milking and there are 1000 other suckers just like you even though she will be practiced at making you feel like you're the special one.
     
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  5. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

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    I think Jane only uses you for money, I would not feel bad about just quitting talking to her. Fix your problems in your marriage and talk to your wife about you wanting to have a sexual life if that is what you want. That is my advice at least. God bless you.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2021
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  6. TheLastFortress

    TheLastFortress Fapstronaut

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    As a camgirl addict I can relate to the connection you feel with Jane. I'm far from healed but deleted accounts (several attempts) and besides 2 mistakes I have not spent money for almost 1 year. My experience since I try to quit, is that I have never felt that connection again. I have learned that money was obviously the only thing that truly fueled this relations and without money these girls don't give a fuck about you. I'm glad that the rules are that simple because that makes it easier to leave it behind me. It's an expensive trap and your money is completely wasted. You get nothing real, it's all fake.
     
  7. Sargiel

    Sargiel Fapstronaut

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    Almost a year? Was there anything in particular that helped you?
     
  8. TheLastFortress

    TheLastFortress Fapstronaut

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    My camgirl addiction was my big secret for more than 6 years. I spend a lot of money in payed shows and recorded it, always seeking for the perfect video. So my biggest bond to that addiction was basically a expensive collection of videos.

    The most important step for me was to confess my secret to close friends and delete my whole collection of videos.
    Those two steps initiated my path to a better life.

    Every time I relapsed since then, I was not able to spend money because it felt so pointless for me to start this insane collection again from zero.
    And I have not to carry it fully alone, I have now someone to talk about when I struggle.

    Even if your stories are different from mine, I recommend to delete everything that is connected to this addiction (accounts, messages on social media, ... ). Then if you have someone close you absolutely trust, think about how it would feel to no longer have this secret.
     
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  9. cam2camfan

    cam2camfan Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the replies, it helps to air this problem.
    In defence of camgirls, it's obvious they are acting, and that this is a roleplay, it's not always their fault that we take it as real. The pricing is also all upfront, you know what it will cost before you enter. The token system is very clever, not like spending real money.
    In defence of "Jane" she has spent hours with me over the past month, she never charges me the amount listed often performing for nothing. Once I messed up working out how to control her lovense and she gifted me control for a second attempt. She asks me what I want and does it without asking for tokens, I give her tokens to reward her for a job well done. When my cam is on she makes me feel she is performing for me by giving me a special look. In the beginning I spent little. I gave no indication that I was a potential whale.
    Not in defense of Jane, she asked to hear my voice and suggested we have a conversation on instagram, I was unsure about this so she said just leave a voice message, I did but she never picked it up. She obviously doesn't think about me as much as I think about her. This is totally reasonable, this is her job. A counsellor would not be thinking about me after work either.
    I think that camgirls offer a useful service, for them it is much safer than being a prostitute and for the user it is a way of having an extramarital sexual relationship without all the complications of actually meeting someone.
    Deejay suggested I fix the problems with my marriage but I don't have any, my marriage is fine but sex just isn't part of it. We sleep in separate rooms and if we stay in a hotel we sleep in separate beds. We both prefer it this way. She listens to podcasts all night, I snore, shake and have the occasional violent involuntary movements, we enjoy each others company. The hole that Jane fills is a hole in my life not my marriage.
    Meshuga asked what I was trying to get out of posting in a forum for people trying to quit porn. I was looking to share my problem with people who understand it. This has been a great help, I'm not ready to quit yet but will certainly view the relationship with Jane in a different light.
    It's interesting that there are plenty of forums for camgirls but none for users.
    Thelastfortress suggets I talk to someone close. Maybe I'll talk to my brother.
    Thankyou all for taking the time to contribute. If I take the nofap route I know where to come.
     
    kingsmylight likes this.
  10. Sargiel

    Sargiel Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate it can be good to talk etc. But the problem is it's addictive and expensive. If your dependancy grows you have the risk of significant financial exposure. You need to find a different outlet.. an alternative you can turn to instead of a 'pay per minute friendship'.
     
  11. I_Am_Strong_54

    I_Am_Strong_54 Fapstronaut

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    I too have fallen into the cam girl addiction as part of my porn addiction. Your rational mind tells you that you are getting worked for money. But I get it the addiction part of the brain does not care. You're thinking, 'I need to see Jane" "I want to see Jane" "Jane really does like me." Well I can tell you, Jane likes your money and that's about it. It's a hard truth.
     
  12. Sargiel

    Sargiel Fapstronaut

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    Perhaps I'm sounding too harsh in my appraisals but that's partly due to frustration at seeing myself in some of your responses. Even now I harbour the wishful thought that I do mean something to a couple of them. But my rational mind knows that I'm just a nice/good client and it's all about the job/payday. So I can sympathise with how you view your situation with Jane.. but you really need to get that help elsewhere.
     
  13. cam2camfan

    cam2camfan Fapstronaut

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    Thanks again for the advice.
    It is helping me to become more rational. Yesterday there seemed to be some technical problems and Jane was only online sporadically. During one of the brief moments online I left a couple of lighthearted comments on the public forum and she blocked me. I left several messages for her but she did not reply.
    A couple of weeks ago I left messages on instagram. Several times a day I would check to see if she had replied, she never did. I deleted the messages.
    I checked the profiles of her other followers. On one she wrote "you are the best, I love you very much".
    It's all fake and you are right I need real help not fake help.
    In a very short time I have become dependent on this girl. If Pornhub is heroine Bongacams is crack cocaine. Not easy to quit especially on Parkinson's medication. Yesterday evening I was quite upset but also a bit angry. To be cynical, I am the perfect target. Permanently horny, obsessive and with plenty of money. Luckily, to use an English expression, I am also as tight as a ducks arse, so don't part with money that easily.
    Maybe I just don't spend enough, even though I have been token king of the day many times. Maybe she will block me and my problem will be solved.
     
  14. Sargiel

    Sargiel Fapstronaut

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    I think the anger might help if you're angry enough for it to help bring about change.
     
  15. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    I don't like to be harsh on people , but imagine that instead of choosing porn and masturbating, you choose to go the other way.
    Being spiritual and connecting with your wife on the soul level.
    I bet you will be in a much better position, physically and mentally.
    The sea of pleasure is deep and dangerous, and in the bottom there is a painful humiliating death.
    Imagine.
     
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  16. bluesky71

    bluesky71 Fapstronaut

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    Cam girls are there only for the money. Don’t let them fool you. I was caught up with one and ended up in a 3 year real life relationship with her…sex and everything. The reality is that she was damaged and incapable of love. She nearly broke me. Your best bet (IMO) is to try to heal your marriage. Sex with someone you love is much better. I have had sex with someone that many guys paid for privates and gave many tips…do you know what? Sex with my wife was better. Sex without intimacy sucks. It’s jerking off with a female body instead of your hand.
     
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  17. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    Sex with real connection is amazing. Sex with no connection causes damage. On one end of the spectrum it is casual sex on the other it is sexual abuse. But any sex without connection is damaging sooner or later. The sad thing about addiction is that it is a slippery slope. When you begin your power to choose is high, you choose to watch pornhub, you choose to connect with camgirls. Because you know that you are choosing these things you believe it is easy to stop. Then as the addiction grows, your power to choose weakens. When it is porn, because it is not interactive, it can manipulate you less than a cam girl. The cam girls job is to manipulate you and escalate your addiction. The cam girl will make it seem like your choice, something special, she cares about you more than anyone else because you are different etc. This is simple manipulation designed to escalate your addiction. She will take you step by step deeper and deeper until you have no control anymore. This is much worse than porn addiction, because you are giving up your control to another sadistic being who cares nothing for you. I cannot think of a worse way to spend your life. This is abuse, maybe it is sugar coated, but camgirls are abusers.
     
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  18. bluesky71

    bluesky71 Fapstronaut

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    Yes. The one I was with didn’t have any sympathy for the guys who spent a lot at the cam sites and were addicted. Her attitude really turned me off, but it is a common one in the business. On screen, they’ll smile, laugh at your stupid jokes, and be very submissive. It’s all an act designed to get more tips.
     
  19. Sargiel

    Sargiel Fapstronaut

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    That is the thing.. it is a real addiction. But for them they get endless validation plus cash and prizes so I'm not surprised they're not sympathetic on the addiction front. And you have to remember we're doing it to ourselves.
     
  20. cam2camfan

    cam2camfan Fapstronaut

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    Thought I'd write an update. Jane admits she is only in it for the money, I told her that I hate watching her respond to random rude strangers but she defended her actions saying she had to eat. She genuinely tried to control my addiction stopping me from masturbating too many times a week. She would also stop me when I lost control of my finger on the token button and monitored my visits to other girls. She never suggested I enter the money pit of private chat. She had 5 regular customers who she would chat with on a friendly basis. We would spend a lot of time chatting. Unfortunately chatting to your friends doesn't bring in enough money and she got sacked. She cried a lot when she told me, not because she lost her job, she was glad to leave this sordid business, she was sad to leave her friends. She contacted me on whatsapp and we keep in touch but as real people, nothing to do with sex. Did she cure me? Well no but she tried. Maybe there are angels in hell.
     

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