Hi; This is likely to be a long post but I need to talk to someone about my "problem". Actually I'm not sure it is a problem but here we go. 20 years ago my wife went off sex. We had some counseling which I went to expecting to come out of it with some sort of compromise but my wife had already decided, no more sex. The counselors were quite taken aback when I accepted this, they said I was very understanding. I realised that this was the end of my sex life. I was already masturbating quite regularly, it was the beginning of internet porn so didn't have a problem finding material to get off on. I also realised that if we did not have regular sex I would not be able to return to having sex with my wife as she changed from my beautiful bride to a not so beautiful old lady. 20 years later I can see I was right, there is no way I could have sex with her now. I do love her but not in a sexual way. One of the recommendation from the counseling was to have separate bedrooms, this has meant that I was free to masturbate in bed every night and most nights I did. If she went away for a couple of days I would have a masturbation marathon. I built machines to make it even more exciting. As time went on I found it more and more difficult to be aroused by porn so I looked for more and more extreme porn. I never got into the dark web so didn't do anything illegal but was close. 6 years ago I was diagnosed with Parkinson's. If I had ever had ideas of extramarital sex then they were over now. Who apart from prostitute would consider having sex with me and there is no way I am going to pay for a prostitute. I just don't think it would be fun. One thing that I feel very bad about is the exploitation of women in the sex industry I hate to think that the girls I watch have been forced to do it. Parkinson's medication has the well known side effect of obsessive behaviour and hypersexuality, I've got both. I've often watched camgirls for free but never joined a site, I am afraid of extortion. My medication also makes me reckless and 4 months ago I threw caution to the wind and signed up to Bongacams. Knowing that these girls can see me masturbate is a big turn on. At first I would go from cam to cam, always finding girls with few visitors so they could pay me some attention. Then I came across Jane (not real name). She paid me a lot of attention, we chat together for hours, she is interested in what I do and when we masturbate together she focuses on me and helps me reach orgasm. During these cozy chats I have revealed a lot of details about myself, she knows my name which is an unusual one so she can find out all about me. I have also sent her messages on instagram. I'm completely hooked, I thought my sex life was over but now it isn't. I know that this isn't a proper relationship but it has filled a big hole in my life. I am happier and function better. I tell her how she has changed my life and she is wonderfully supportive. She says she "loves my big cock" and I lap it up. It's not for free though, the creators of these sites know what they are doing. I love giving her tokens that activate her vibrator and try to get her to orgasm, she never get there though so I spend more and more trying. Since meeting Jane I have stopped using other porn and no longer visit other camgirls but I spend hours with her, sneaking off at every opportunity to watch my computer screen. Luckily my work necessitates me to spend a lot of time at the computer so I can do this without my wife knowing about it (I think). I spend about £200 a month which I can easily afford but hiding it requires some stealth. I have thought about coming clean to my wife but I'm not sure how this would pan out. I do not want to ruin our relationship but feel that it's not entirely my fault. She can't have expected that I wouldn't need some sexual release. At the present I am quite happy with the situation but realise that I have an addiction and also worry that I might be being taken for a ride that will end up in extortion. I can't imagine that Jane would do this to me and From my internet search I don't think this is a common occurrence as it would completely destroy the industry, drug dealers don't rat on the people they supply. Should I be worried? Personally I think I should moderate my visits. Jane sometimes tells me to calm down and not try to masturbate every time I visit her. Jane is 19 and I am 64, there is no way we would ever have sex together even though we say all the right things. I actually think it's great therapy. I realise that this is a forum about quitting porn addiction but couldn't find anywhere else to post. I haven't shared my situation with anyone else and would be interested to hear the reaction of neutral observers.