I don't know what triggered me this time. Today was a good day, I prayed and read my bible, felt great. Had some family drama go down, but I navigated that like a disciple would. Then out of no where, I was on youtube, and I was peeking like crazy. I started edging, I watched youtube videos for around an hour and a half and edged for a good part of that. I had given up, I had my shirt off and was about to just give in, resigned to binge the night away, then something screamed in my head to hit the panic button. I did, over and over and every message hit harder and harder. Now I'm here. I feel like I wasted so much of my evening, time I could have spent exercising or practicing guitar, heck I could have played madden that entire time. Instead I peeked and almost PMO'd. Damn this thing, this monkey on my back, this robber of my time. I feel like I failed even though I didn't go all the way and I'm afraid of having more time to myself. I haven't even had dinner, not hungry, just hiding. If I tell myself I'm out of the woods then I make it so. Thank God for this place. In the past, this would have been yet another PMO, more remorse and no action towards quitting. So not a defeat I guess. A bloody battle with my lust in which the Lord pushed me to victory. There may be a day when we give up and fap, But today is not that day!