came to a realization about why i'm doing nofap

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by magical truthsaying spider, May 14, 2019.

  1. i came to an interesting realization today:

    i don't think i like orgasms.

    obviously, having an orgasm releases chemicals in my brain that i find pleasurable, just like everybody else. but i don't like the way i end up feeling after i have an orgasm, and honestly, i don't think i like the feeling of having an orgasm in the moment either.

    i was reading a lot about karezza and other related practices today, but it's not the first time i've questioned my enjoyment of orgasms. i've thought about it in the past, but i never really took the idea seriously, because, well, everyone likes to cum, right?

    i actually think this realization might make my reboot easier. once i've finished 30 days, i'm going to consider re-introducing a sort of "solo karezza" masturbation back into my routine, maybe once a week -- i.e. masturbation without a focus on achieving orgasm.

    i think this would be something i'd enjoy a lot more than "regular" masturbation, and it'd provide the benefit of being able to re-sensitize my junk and prepare myself for karezza-style sex in the future, since i doubt i'd enjoy having orgasms with a partner either.

    tl;dr you learn something new every day.
  2. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I can kind of see what you are saying. For me, I've masturbated to excess so many times that I just dont really enjoy it anymore, or at least I didn't last time I did. Urges are still there, the desire is still there, but the actual physical act of masturbating was just straight up unpleasant just before I got on this streak, and I think that has contributed to me being able to go as long as I have. I also agree with the orgasm thing, I feel awful after them, and I still do (I know this because of wet dreams).
    MikeyRamirez and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Cake Shop

    Cake Shop Fapstronaut

    Can relate to this. In fact, I'd say that when having sex the orgasm is not the end-all-be-all of the act for me. And of course, the longer one delays the coitus the better it feels. Reminds of the that Eddy Murphy joke about how when it's bad it comes out as ketchup a ketchup bottle but when it's good it shoots out across the room xD.

    Don't doubt yourself too much on this regard. It's a bit different with another person. You have to work together. But most importantly don't go into it with a pre-determined goal that will ultimately cause you performance anxiety and cause you to not enjoy the experience.
  4. i appreciate the input, but i think i might not have made myself clear enough -- it's not just the feeling of comedown after an orgasm that i don't like. it's the in-the-moment explosive feeling of an actual orgasm as well. i don't find it enjoyable.

    after having thought about this for a while since yesterday, i can remember many many times, even when i was much younger and i'd just started masturbating, where i'd try and put orgasming off as long as possible. i think for the most part the reason i got used to masturbating to orgasm pretty much every time was because i thought that was the way it was "supposed" to happen -- partly from exposure to porn, and partly from sex education, both of which (in my experience) treat orgasm as the normal finish line for sex/masturbation. it's pretty rare to hear people talk about sex/masturbation without orgasm in either of those contexts.

    anyway, i'm glad i had this revelation. it's felt very beneficial to me so far.
  5. Thistimeitsfinal

    Thistimeitsfinal Fapstronaut

    Wow that must be pretty rare, and if its the case then quitting should be a piece of cake!
    stoneyman22 likes this.
  6. I did not enjoy mylast orgasm. Way to it was awesome. Unloading the load the same. But than I felt this rush. Some chemicals got released, felt like I was on some heavy stimulant. That was NOT good. I think with this retention, our Os get a bit out of control?

    Esp for us, ex addicts?
  7. hah, i wish. while i admit my reboot has been a lot easier since i had this epiphany, my brain is still conditioned to expect the regular dopamine release from orgasming, despite the fact that i don't really want it.

    plus, while i'm not really having urges to reach orgasm, i am still having pretty strong urges to masturbate, which i'm also abstaining from as part of my reboot. so not exactly a piece of cake, unfortunately. :(

    as for being rare, i imagine so. i've never heard of anyone else having a similar experience, at least. the closest things i can think of are asexuality (the lack of sexual attraction to others) and anorgasmia (the inability to reach orgasm), neither of which apply to me. i'll have to do some research and see if it's an established "thing", out of curiosity really.
    Thistimeitsfinal likes this.
  8. Grey is colourless

    Grey is colourless Fapstronaut

    Its good stuff part of life. theres more to life as well.

    but my first time i was shaking and surroundings left me alone. now it's weak. i can hold my breath, its on tip of penis only, it fleas quickly!, i can sleepy and tired after, i loose pump, i get stupidly relaxed...what i call relaxed wanker. if youre a horny bastard and you surpress this stuff in you, you get blue balls as well as feel blocked mentally. then a wank relaxes you, but it's more like lack of tension instead of focused relaxation.

    i think the energy build up can be healthy in some ways, but normal wanking is like the heat before freezing and dying.
  9. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    You might just end up relapsing brotha, I've gone this route myself and always ended up blueballing before either stopping short and resuming later by an hour or a couple days till either stopping short again or eventually 'needing' to release the tension I've built of with M. Of course you are free to experiment and maybe you can find better results but I do believe truthfully the entire act of pleasuring yourself is conditioning you to respond to your own stimulus and that's just anti-productive IMO.
    -Good luck on the 30 days mate I'm on the same challenge and now half-way there!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. The further you go with abstinence, the more it is important to keep it strict. Its a thing you learn. I effed up many many times, day 40, day 60..and always there was some kind of escalation before that. Only way to get to 90 and such streaks is to keep it clean all the time.

    And that includes excessive fantasizing as well. The mind purity in this sense is important... just dont wake up the beast :) let it sleep, let the healing take place, and than let a woman wake it up, when she deserves it.

    Thats my plan this time. I want to know, before my next sex, I did everything to be good. That will give me the confidence and that will help me with my performance anxiety. Plus the reboot on its own.

    Its crazy I was doing good with my ex. Thought Im cured. We broke up. And with next woman I had thr same problems I had year before. Suxx. So.. I do what I can to get better. And its not only for those girls. Its for me.

    Because other alternative is being effed up in front of my pc, unable to meet a girl and having twisted mind like a nutter.

    Since I started NoFap, I had a 1st real relationship and I dated 10s of girls. Be4 it was all just a zero and some quickies with my soft D because of PIED.

    Anyway, good luck! Stay strong!!!
    stoneyman22 likes this.
  11. BlaineTrain

    BlaineTrain Fapstronaut

    Your profile pic makes me think of self-administered oomox.
  12. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Its like what Rule of Acquisition 223 states; "Beware the man who doesn't take time for Oo-mox."

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