Can’t figure out the real problem. Help!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Nate1983, Dec 4, 2019 at 5:57 PM.

  1. Nate1983

    Nate1983 Fapstronaut

    I have been trying really hard to nofap for the last few days.. Went on successfully for about 2 days and then back to square one for the past three days. I have been watching a lot of videos on nofap and everyone says that you need to digging and find out the reason you’re PMO’ing. I have been thinking quite a bit about it and I can’t seem to figure out the “why”. I wanna say it’s just a force of habit but that sounds lame in my head. I am not even so horny but the porn flashbacks come and go and I end up giving in to the urges. I almost have set a routine to wake up and PMO and then get back home from work and do it all over again. I have not been doing PMO after I wake up since a week but post work, it hasn’t been any different. Any tips or recommendations for me? I need to break the cycle and get free of PMO.
  2. Ezpz

    Ezpz Fapstronaut

    You say you have been trying really hard. What does that involve exactly? What have you been trying? Will power alone is not enough to quit an addiction, you need more tools in your belt. Become a student of your own life and study how each relapse occurred, when it occurred and what you could do next time differently. Shut down fantasy thoughts, P thoughts and sexual thoughts Immediately and never let a thought get too far. If you think about P for too long then you are already done and relapse will eventually occur. Become the person who no longer PMOs

    As to your why, a lot of us on here use it as a coping mechanism for stress, boredom and uncomfortable feelings. I don't know you, but its likely you are using your addiction to escape these feelings.

    Good luck :);):D
  3. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    I've just make a post related to your question in my journal. I'll repost it here, maybe you'll find it useful.


    1. NEED, WANT, SEEK:

    NEED -> Realization you need to change, because I are stuck in a loop, seeking behavior that always has negative consequences
    WANT -> You really need to have strong reason why you want to change
    SEEK -> be open to everything… learn, learn, learn. Join recovery group (forum or live).

    2. KEYS:

    1st DIET & EXERCISE -> far the most important key. Regular exercise helps with depression, anxiety, makes your body healthy
    2nd DEAL WITH THE PAIN FROM YOUR PAST -> Eckart Tolle: "Every Addiction starts with pain and ends with pain." Gabor Mate:" Not what the addiction, but why the pain."
    You need to resolve it or you've done nothing and you will always be one step away from relapse.
    3rd GRATITUDE -> Your brain will rewire itself to positivity if you train it no matter how FU you are right now and you will again become the the person you deserve to be. The best version of yourself you can possibly be at a given moment.

    Don't limit yourself, seek improvement every day. To achieve all this you'll need determination, self-discipline and consistency.


    Ezpz, Arnuld and Freeddom_Taker like this.
  4. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

    Here’s how to get to the why-
    Are you stressed?
    Are you depressed?
    Are you anxious?
    Are you trying to escape from something?
    Are you trying to repress something?
    Do you have trouble connecting with people?
    Do you have social anxiety?
    Do you lack self confidence?
    Do you have any unresolved trauma specifically from your childhood?

    This is a good list to start pondering. Everyone addict of any substance or process addiction has a why. No one becomes an addict for no reason. Your why may operating at a sub conscious level. And you may need to talk to a professional to tease it out.
    randomname3 and Fenix Rising like this.
  5. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    I suffered abandonment and abuse before the age of 5. By the time I got into healthy family at age 5, I’d become a master at escaping into daydreams and then later sexual fantasy to sleep then later porn. I act out when I am trying to escape uncomfortable emotions. I watch out for negative emotions. I also watch out for being alone and bored; both can be times I just want to feel something different and sometime that’s pleasure or numbness.
  6. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

    Ok now you are getting somewhere. Dude straight up you need therapy. ANYONE who suffers abuse and abandonment before age 5 needs professional help. You are probably repressing all of that. My guess is that is the root cause of your addiction. I would strongly suggest you find a therapist who specializes in sex addiction and is trained in EMDR.
  7. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    I’m not OP and I have a therapist. Thank you. Did emdr but didn’t find anything repressed.
  8. randomname3

    randomname3 Fapstronaut

    I'll venture to say your reason for quitting is because you've woken up to the fact you are addicted and because you should be the master of your own sexuality and master of your own energy, not a slave to pornography. Certainly ask the questions Arnuld mentioned, but even if you don't find a specific clear answer yet, that's not abnormal.
    Like many addictions, PMO numbs you to the real underlying issues so that you might not know what's right yet. When you've been free of PMO about a month, you'll probably start feeling some very real depression for a time. In reality, that depression was probably there all along, but PMO was just numbing you to the point you never had to face it head on. Then you'll be forced to make the changes necessary to cure that depression.
  9. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

    My bad @ANewFocus. Wasn’t paying attention and thought your post was by the OP.
    ANewFocus likes this.

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