Can’t flirt

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by LYD97, Apr 22, 2018.

  1. LYD97

    LYD97 New Fapstronaut

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    Being back home is great, I can finally speak English instead of German. I can go out and drink because the football season is over for me.

    I went out with my mates on the Saturday night. I finally met my mates girlfriends, I’ve seen them on Instagram but not in real life. This is only because I play professional football abroad.

    It was nice to meet them. It was only me and my other mate who don’t have girlfriends. My mate encouraged me to go up to a girl and flirt with them.

    This is were the problem happened. I didn’t have the guts to talk to a lass. In the end my mate introduced me to a really good looking lass. We talked but I felt so clueless of what to say to her, it was so hard to flirt, it felt like I was clueless and awkward.

    I’ve never really been good at flirting. Even though I’ve a had a long term relationship. I never knew how to flirt, my ex was my English partner, i never really flirted with her. I just talked and made her laugh and that’s how we got together.

    But when I was talking to this lass in the club I was so clueless and I felt so stupid. It didn’t lead to anything but I wasn’t bothered about that.

    I was more bothered that I didn’t know how to flirt or even have an idea how to flirt.

    I haven’t had a lass since my Ex, because of me living in Austria. I miss my Ex but we’ve gone different paths and I understand that. I miss the little things about her.
     
  2. Chris3000

    Chris3000 Fapstronaut

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    I've never been good at flirting , and at the same time I've never had to be. I've never been one to go to parties or clubs or bars since I think it's weird (for me) to look to hook up with strangers. Although I don't flirt, I will say that I'm a relaxed person and I'm funny, so making conversation isn't really a problem most of the time.

    My girl right now is my best friend and even before we were together I never really flirted with her, she said she was just impressed with the things I'd talk about and that's what got her interested in me.

    The closest thing I've done to flirting was when I was a junior in highschool and I told my crush "you look nice today", since she was wearing a dress for dress up day during spirit week.
     
  3. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I used to have this problem don't any more. Fuck it yolo. Talk to anyone about anything and don't worry about what happens. Don't over think. Fear causes hesitation and hesitation causes your worst fears to come true. Be confident and if your not just pretend to be. Lasses are people too just be friendly and don't worry about the outcome cuz your great no matter what happens
     
  4. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    If you don't know what to say, then create tension in other ways.

    The tonality of your voice, your eye contact, your body language, how close you are to her, touching her, what you're feeling can express itself through your behavior (do you have a vibe of wanting her / enjoying your interaction with her / interested / curious / playful), etc.

    As for what to say... being honest can also create tension without needing any clever lines to say. Tell her some positive things that you can observe about her. What do you like about her (physically or whatever else you know about her) so far? How do you feel around her so far? What do you think about the interaction between you two so far?

    If you want to say something in a sexual manner, then first you have to feel aroused by her. Let yourself feel aroused by her. From there, it's about testing for interest via being clear and bold about what you say. The more clear and bold you are, the more clear and bold she will be about accepting or rejection you.

    The important thing is having fun with this. If you're having fun and she's having fun, then you both will spiral upwards. What's more fun than talking? Touching.... holding... kissing... sex..... dating..... etc. You have to be willing to take risks to see progress. Be daring enough to see how far you can go until she says no or not yet.

    You have to be willing to be rejected. That's why being clear and bold about your behavior and the things you say is important. You want to attract people that want the same thing you do and resonate with your honest self expression. Rather than hiding your intentions, hiding who you are, and trying to convince someone to like someone that you aren't or manipulate your way into a specific outcome. She's either interested or she's not. Don't waste time trying to avoid rejection. It's a lot better if you both want what you both honestly want.

    So if all else fails and you draw a blank on what to say, then get closer to her and be honest about what's going on in the moment.

    From what little I know about you and what happened that night with the girl... you could've been honest with her about what you felt.

    "I really wish I didn't feel so clueless and awkward about what to say to you because I think you're gorgeous."

    "I just realized that I have no idea how to flirt, but if you give me your number and have dinner with me sometime, I promise I'll get better at it."

    Just something relevant to how you were feeling / what you want / what you think of her / what you thought of the interaction between you two / etc.

    Another important thing, she probably doesn't know what the fuck to do or say either. If she likes you so far, then you can do or say stupid things and she'll help you out and make it easier for you. That's why being vulnerable and expressing yourself honestly is so good. It's a sign of having self esteem and having a strong character. If you were to close yourself off because you wanted to protect yourself from getting hurt and you were feeling self conscious, then she would feel that negative vibe and want nothing to do with you.
     

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