Can’t tell my wife!

I feel you, man. I've been married for over 22 years now. My wife came to me with my addiction about 2 and a half years ago and we did our disclosure date. That day wasn't my best day, but she now knows the worst thing about me by far, and I'm working on my recovery. I have a couple AP's on here, an AP from my SA group, a weekly SA meeting, a CSAT, and a sponsor. This is no small deal, and it definitely ain't no joke! Its a full on addiction and if we want to beat it, we need to use all the tools and resources available to us.

Obviously, not every relationship can last through this addiction, but of all the ones that fail, I would bet a LOT that at least 90% of those that failed did so not nearly as much because of the addiction itself, but much moreso because of the lies, the hiding, and the deceit. If you're that afraid of her response and her being unable to understand, I highly recommend having a CSAT facilitated disclosure date.

Just my two cents. I wish you the best of luck, friend!

 

Wait, you're confessing relapse, or your addiction? When my husband told me, I broke everything I could get my hands on....in all fairness, it had come to a head after I just had my baby and he had been threatening to leave me and cruel for no reason that I could see. So I was under a pressure cooker of trauma. Before he confessed to me, some days he would be so angry I'd have to just come and hold him until he started to cry.

Now that I know, he has not, nor will confessed any relapse or reset. He's lying more than ever, about google maps, YouTube, even superbowl halftime videos on his history and telling me I'm placing them there to set him up.

The truth is all a woman wants. If a man loves her, he'll want her to have that. As an emotional being, the best way to give a woman love is to give her truth(in loving intent) and believe if she is too weak to handle it, she will be strong enough to appreciate it.

 

Dude, this woman knows! But let's talk hypothetically for a second.... IF you decide to not tell her that you made one mistake but keep it from her that you've had it all along, what would you say the chances are that you'd be able to successfully keep this from her for the rest of your lives? I mean, you'd need to be in recovery, actively working the 12 steps of SA to stay sober. (TRUST me on that one!) But I think we can all safely assume that she'll wonder why you're putting such work into something that she'll believe was just one or two mistakes.

She'll put it together, my friend. And when she does, she'll not only be crushed, but she'll be additionally hurt by why you decided not to tell her when you brought it up the first time. She may think that you considered her too unstable to hear it, or she may think that you didn't think enough of your marriage to tell her. I think she'll find out one way or another. And trust me when I tell you that there will never be any better way for her to find this out than for you to tell her yourself. NEVER.

EVER.

 

Exactly. Women are like lie detectors. We know when something is off. For me I thought it was gaming addiction because that's what he told me, but something would not allow me to stop pressing. When I got no response that made sense I lost sleep. Alarms were going off in my head and I couldn't stop thinking about what he was hiding. As a Christian, I believe God used me to cut past all the bull and draw him into the exposing light of Christ.
I know that isn't the case for all, but here's one encouragement. Most women want to ride or die for their man, think of all the garbage you've probably already put her through....ya. exactly. If she was unable to deal with your crap she'd be gone long ago.
Trust she is strong enough to hold on and see this through. And be strong enough to bear whatever comes your way.

But whatever you do...avoid the articles that talk about wives baking cupcakes or feeling relieved at their husbands confession. That way, if she breaks a lamp you can be thankful it wasn't your flatscreen. Jk...but seriously, just believe you can be man enough to take it.

You've watched women taking much worse. Deal with the consequences.