Can an experienced (and successfully recovered Fapstronaut) give me some advice?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Maximus19, Jul 31, 2020.

  1. Maximus19

    Maximus19 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    I've been a bit down of late owing to a few issues. I managed to abstain from PMO for 2 weeks, then relapsed. However I did feel quite great and more confident in myself for that period of time, however since I relapsed, I and have since been partaking regular edging, going on Hooker websites, and having some gay fantasies which I don't seem to get when I'm feeling good and happy.

    Anyway, the impatient aspect of myself naturally wanted to have sex again (both for the enjoyment, but also trying to get more clarity and hopefully get back to how things were in the past), however not being able to perform optimally has really made me sad again, and also has made me question my sexuality.

    Basically I matched a woman on Tinder (she's 33), and I went round hers to have a hot tub date. When I saw her, she was quite attractive facially, but at the same time quite chubby which isn't really attractive to me. Anyhow, we were both naked in the hot tub, and it was very relaxing as we were just talking, and then she started to play with my penis and balls with her feet which didn't get me fully erect, but got me quite close as I did find it arousing. After a few hours we then dried up and went to her bed, where after laying naked on the bed, I started to finger her vagina, and then she started to give me a deepthroat blowjob which was incredible, and got me fully erect. I then had sex with her, but came quite quickly. This is where things went downhill.

    I started to not find her attractive after that, and could not maintain an erection when entering her vagina in the sex after. What did work, however, was me getting fully erect when I was facefucking her (I really enjoyed it).

    So whilst I did enjoy facefucking her, I was really upset that I couldn't keep up my erection for following vaginal sex, nor did I seem that into it after. What didn't help either (I'm a very anxious and overly analytical guy) was when we started talking about sexuality, and she asked me if I was bisexual and had ever experimented with a guy. I told her that I once gave a guy a blowjob, but the fantasy was much better than the actual meet, and that I don't find men sexually attractive in a normal setting (have 1 gay fantasy with a certain type of submissive role etc, but that's it. I couldn't kiss a guy, nor get an erection over one). So given how I couldn't perform optimally with this woman, I was naturally very down, and not confident in my sexuality.

    So my question to the more experienced guys in this forum are:

    1) Is this PIED (bear in mind, I was hard as a rock when facefucking her)? I have never done a full 90 days for the record.

    2) Was this me just not finding her that attractive (pretty face, but her body wasn't necessarily sexy to me)?

    3) Am I gay or bisexual, and don't realise it? Once again, don't find men sexually attractive when I'm walking down the road for example, and could never see myself falling in love with one. Only one type of sexual fantasy (where I am in a submissive role pleasuring a much older stocky man orally) can arouse me, and even then, when I tried in person this one time, it was no where near as arousing compared to the thought. Also, bear in mind that when I am confident in myself, happy and not overthinking, I don't get these urges or arousals.


    4) Last but not least, is there a good chance that a reboot can solve my current issues? I have been chronically addicted to porn and taboo sex for years and years now. All I want is to be able to perform normally with a woman. If I was Bi, then it would be very confusing to me, but I could deal with it so long as I could get back to being able to maintain an erection (and interest) is having vaginal sex with a girl.

    Any experienced and understanding advice and wisdom would be much appreciated.

    Thanks in advance.
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2020
  2. Man, ask yourself if you wanna be gay on normal days when everything in life is okay. If it's a yes then you're bisexual. If no then you're not. At times when we're low we are filled with self doubt and hence such thoughts can come. If the fantasy isn't favouring your preference, don't feed it.
     
    Maximus19 likes this.
  3. Maximus19

    Maximus19 Fapstronaut

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    Nope, I certainly don't get the urge to be gay or partake in gay sexual activity when I'm feeling calm, happy, and optimistic about life :).
     
  4. Man you can fap to cardboard and you'll develop a fetish for it. It's upto you to feed the right or wrong thing.
     
    Maximus19 likes this.

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