Can I keep my struggle a secret?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Triton.Supreme, Sep 8, 2019.

  1. Triton.Supreme

    Triton.Supreme Fapstronaut

    I realized many years ago I "can't" quit porn, and I have tried to quit porn a thousand times, always updating my strategy in order to not fail again. Still, I eventually relapse.
    Sometimes I wonder if I don't have enough motivation (after the post-relapse dissappointment fades) since I do not struggle with depression or sexual incapabilities. The problem for me is that my inability to stop make me feel shame, frustration and hopelessness time after time. I also think it lowers my experience of life.

    I haven't told anyone I know about this. Not family members, not my girlfriend, or any other friend. Once, when my friend was drunk, he told me he think that porn had destroyed his brain. I almost said something then.

    The reason I don't tell anyone is because of the shame. Had I been addicted to alcohol it would've been easier to tell I think. But porn? People don't even think it is addictive. There's no AA for porn. It sounds like a poor excuse for not wanting to stop masturbate all the time.

    Question: Do you think I need to tell someone about my addiction? Is it possible to beat PMO without draging someone I know into this?
  2. shamrock19

    shamrock19 Fapstronaut

    I had this same dilemma... The only thing was my addiction was screwing with my brain and causing social anxiety, lack of motivation and negative thoughts which made communication difficult. I mean I felt like a creep saying 'how are you' let alone talking about something like porn... Gradually as I began to recover and my symptoms began to diminish, I could open up more and speaking about my issues felt easier and also correct. There was a time when I was considerring opening up to my family because I felt like my behaviour required an explanation, overall I'm glad I didn't, but what I did do was tell a couple of close friends and that felt like the right thing to do and I'm glad I did.
    I think the fact you've got a friend who is going through something similiar makes it a little easier as he understands your situation and you, his. The main problem is that people can't understand your situation which could make them prone to judgement which will not be great for your shame. Open up to the right person is my point, it will be great for you and potentially great for them also. We are all dealing with shit we'd rather keep under raps, whether it be porn or any other of the gazillion insecurities/complexes us apes carry around, I'm sure you opening up about something so sensitive could help others share their problems.
    Triton.Supreme likes this.
  3. I never told anyone about my struggle either, not for 25 years. When I finally got serious about quitting PMO, I left my IT career so I could get away from sitting at a computer all day. I immediately had a 9-month streak of no P. But then I fell back into it, and I could not do anything further.

    That was when I realized I needed help from other people. There actually *are* meetings for SA and PA. I attended a Celebrate Recovery (Christ-centered 12-step) meeting for about 3 years, and the interactions with people there changed my life. The meeting that was close to me ended (I live in a very remote area), and so I eventually started looking for something online and found NoFap! I have been active on this site for a year, and it has been a real lifeline for me.

    I do not believe that long-term recovery is possible unless we get honest with others about where we struggle. It is simply too much to do alone. But in the context of supportive community, we can achieve far more!

    I wish you good success in your recovery.
    Triton.Supreme and shamrock19 like this.

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