Can I realy enjoy sexual contact?

Is it Porn that did that or ?

Yup. You’ve wired your brain to need the constantly changing stimulus of porn to stay aroused. No single woman can compete with that. Your brain sees the girl you’re with and says ‘great, what’s next?’ And soon loses interest in the unchanging stimulus.

You’re brain isn’t wired to handle the constant flood of dopamine porn produces and so it shuts down your dopamine receptors to protect itself, that’s why you need more and raunchier porn to get the same level of arousal over time, and why one poor girl could never do it for you.

the good news is you can re train your brain to function normally again, but it’s not easy and not quick. It is however very worth it. The sooner you start the better off you’ll be. You’re young, put this behind you now and you’ll have a long and healthy life ahead of you. Don’t be like some and let it haunt you for decades.

 

For the time being you can also use pills to perform. Careful not to go for a high dosage, though - for me, staying in the lower end of the miligrams works fine.

 

@Dreadpirat nailed it. You can be with someone you’re head over heels in love with who is mind boggling gorgeous, but If your brain is trained for constant satisfaction with women that do whatever the fuck you’re looking for at the time, real life can’t compete.

Good news - I never had a “big” problem with ED, but I’ve definitely lost a few boners in my day. I’m 37 now and have had 0 issues since deciding to quit porn. I also quit drinking which probably helps a bit too, but I say this with 100% certainty that a clear, clean mind leads to better boners.

 

As I mentioned, I never had bad ED, it just happened on occasion (once every 3-4 weeks maybe?). I haven’t experienced it once since quitting porn and drinking so I can’t help but think there is a connection.

 

Its called Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED) you desensitize yourself to watching porn to the point that when you're with a real woman you don't get the same rush and desire. The cure is to stop watching porn and stop touching yourself for a period of 6 months to 1 year. Severe cases can take longer. But it isn't permanent, you just need to want to make a change.

 

Nofap is one path out of this addiction, and many find it to be effective. There are others. Recovery is a very personal thing, everyone responds differently. My personal philosophy would be to collect every single tool you can find and try them all, see what works for you. Knowledge is power so read as much as you can about porn addiction and recovery, here and else where and start building your toolbox. Try everything. There’s no magic bullet, for most people it’s a combination of little habits and tools that together help them overcome the desire to look at porn.

The craving for that dopamine hit can be overwhelming at first but it will pass. Your best ally is time- the longer you go without porn use the weaker those neural pathways in your brain become. Figure out what your triggers are and re structure your life to avoid them if possible.
There’s tons of good advice here from people who have been there, read it, ask questions and figure out what works for you.

the other piece of this is learning how to have healthy relationships with women. Just avoiding porn and all sexual stimulation is not a recipe for a happy life. Sadly few young men these days are ever taught how to relate to women, and they have no good role models. Men are always portrayed as either womanizing players or beta chumps. Real manhood is neither of these. I think that this is perhaps the underlying problem that pushes some men towards porn in the first place.

I can tell you as an older man that the single most satisfying thing in life is a healthy robust sexual relationship with my wife. Nothing other than having kids even comes close, and that’s really an outgrowth of a healthy marriage.
You can set yourself on course to have that in your life by doing the hard work of kicking your porn habit now.

 

It is very possible that porn is having an effect like that.
You'll find a number of testimonies on this site exactly to that effect.

 

If you're healthy, at your age, despite of porn consumption or addiction, you have no physical issue. Rather it's a psychological issue but the problem is that the erection and sexual activity isn't just a physical thing but has A LOT to do with your psyche.

Also you should consider: when you pmo all night before the date you deplete your body not only from semen but also from dopamin and other chemicals. But I don't think that's the real issue. The issue is how we program our mind / our sexuality. Especially for you as a virgin this is a problem because you lack the real life experience (not entirely of course) and you started early to use porn. Our problem looks like this: we meet girls and get excited / horny and then we use porn, we are frustrated when girls reject us and again we use porn to deal with it. Finally we manage to get physical with a girl and again we think of porn.

Under the programming of the porn addiction (or misuse) lays the much stronger biological programm. Nature has programmed you to have sex, to mate and procreate. No worries! You are still able to do it both physical and psychological.
However you have a serious blockade. And each time you can't perform in bed this blockade grows in size. As a virgin your already under quite some pressure because sex is new to you.

My advice

1. deal with your porn issue. A doctor would say: do it less. A nofap reboot would be ideal of course.

2. embrace your difficulties and don't let pressure and high expectations ruin your experience. Enjoy whatever sexual contacts you are having and don't make penetrating a must.

3. focus on your partner, listen to her, don't compare her body or behavior to other girls. Remind yourself: she / the real life experience is better than porn.

4. What makes porn so powerful is the mighty rush of dopamine. That's actually more like with a drug than with sex. Sex is something entirely different.

5. don't perform porn in bed but also don't avoid it obsessively. What's important that both partner enjoy it.

6. LAST BUT NOT LEAST: pressure, fear, the expectation to fail - negative stuff like this is what kills your erection. The answer is: take the pressure away, don't make your erection a condition for good sex. Forget about erection! Don't focus on it. Obviously you both have to work on this shift of mindset together. But when you are a team this will be piece of cake! To perform in a one-night-stand with a girl that wants to be penetrated is advanced! If you manage to somehow take all the pressure away (in your head) then it will be possible though. But you need to be horny and willing to penetrate.

Also consider that you're not the only one that has issues with penetration. And I'm not only talking about other guys. The ladies also have their issues with penetration. Let me just mention these two points: wetness and getting an orgasm. Since it's very difficult for most women to get an orgasm just by penetration, they're usually not only interested in "penetration only" (as much as they like it.


Good luck
And enjoy

 

I had the same exact feeling, I even went to strip clubs and saw women with perfect body but I felt nothing. After a while I fell in love with a girl and just ejaculated when we were together(no sex because of PIED) after 27 days of mostly being together for the first time in my life I had sex and it felt amazing. Now my Dick was getting Hard even when we hughed and every moment felt joyfull. After we broke UP, I went to that same strip club and damn thoose Girls are Hot. I almost gave lots of money for a lap dance but thanfuly I left without spending s single coin. It Will get better and once u taste Victor you Will feel like a men and thats my friend, one of the greatest feeling ever

 

I respect your post but 6 months to a year is a very exaggerated time, I myself had pied for 3 years. I used porn when I was 15 and I am 18 now but still after 27 days of nofap and just orgasming with my gf, I managed to have a 70 - 90% Hard Dick at bed and had sex for the first time in my life. Saying dont fap for 6months to a year is no good, I even think its a bad thing thats very discoruging. I had my first sex 2 weeks ago I am young and I can say that it heals faster then that

 

for me,even 5 or so minutes of glimpsing at P well result in E.D ,Then she asks me whats wrong, do i not find her attractive no more, etc ,etc an i feel so bad an depressed,.On the other hand, if i can finally go 9 plus days with hard core no pmo, then im back to being the champ, an shes back to feeling fully loved an excited, both sides win,

 

It can take less or it can take longer. It really depends on each individual. My husband didn’t get pied until he was 45 years old. He had pied for 5 years. It took 4-6 months then 90 days hard mode for pied to be completely gone. If he goes back, ie masturbates or looks at porn, pied returns right away.

 

I had read somewhere in past that too much porn result in decrease in pleasure we get from kissing and all.