Can porn addiction make you lose love for your spouse?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by BoBo129, May 9, 2017.

  1. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Hello guys, I was wondering if porn can make you lose love for your spouse due to watching porn for so many years. I started to lose connection with her and started thinking about other girls. I'm trying to get back to normal because deep down inside I know I love her.
     
  2. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Its so weird because I know deep inside Iove her. It just feel like my feelings are gone. Even when we have sex I have to think about another woman even though my lady is so beautiful and sexy.
     
  3. Spennyh94

    Spennyh94 Fapstronaut

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    Porn is causing you to rely on fantasy while having sex and causing you to question your feelings for your lady. The addiction can numb your feelings and emotions for a lot of things such as your love for your lady it's there and it hasn't changed it probably just feels numb do to porn making you subconsciously fantasize what it would be like with another woman. Do your best to refrain from porn altogether and your emotions will feel rejuvenated and as strong as ever!
     
  4. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Thank you so much because my woman is feeling so insecure and she doesnt understand that the porn got me this way.
     
  5. Health is key

    Health is key Fapstronaut

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    Yeh it's does for a number of reasons. Our sex drive is something that drives us to be charming and put effort into our relationships so that we can get the ultimate reward being sex. If we have to earn it we put the effort in and this in turn makes our partner love us more. Sex is a massive part of relationships and helps Teo people bond together. Porn has ruined that by overexposing you to sex (so you get bored) as well as making getting your reward too easy.
     
  6. Spennyh94

    Spennyh94 Fapstronaut

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    No problem man! Just reassure her that you still love her your emotions just feel numb from an addiction. I'm sure there are other things in your life that you used to love that just don't reward you emotionally the same way they used too. Recognizing that is all part of the process. It wasn't until a short while ago I recognized that myself and from there it really helped me to abstain from PMO on various short streaks that have slowly but surely helped me get that enjoyment and fulfillment back from things that I used to love so much. Best of luck you'll get through this!
     
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  7. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Yeah cause I feel no emotions. Its almost like I'm a robot. All I think about is sex and it sucks. Deep down I lover her. I just feel numb. Thanks guys now I know what caused these feelings for her to go away.
     
  8. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    @Spennyh94 Yeah I dont feel like doing anything. I lost motivation and I feek bad and ashamed almost everyday. I feel like my brain is heavy and clogged.
     
  9. Spennyh94

    Spennyh94 Fapstronaut

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    I know exactly how you feel so do plenty of other people on here. Keep motivated on your end goal. you love your woman do it for her do it so you can prove to her that the "distance" has nothing to do with her it's about you and you're going to fix it for her and for you. Everyday tell your woman one thing about her that you love it may be hard at first because you feel numb but as you progress things will get easier and you will start to see all those little things about her that you love and that should help immensely
     
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  10. Absolutely. As soon as I quit PM, I noticed that my feelings for my wife rejuvenated. I started touching her more often, too, which is absolutely needed for girls to feel loved.
     
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  11. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    Love isn't just a feeling. Love is an act of the will. In fact the more important love for a spouse is what you do when you don't have the strong feeling of love.

    Absolutely porn is going to harm the feeling of love for and the act of loving towards a spouse. Quoting porn is an act of love for yourself and your spouse. As part of your recovery you can also try to be more giving towards your wife. Start thinking more of her than of you. PMO is a very selfish act. We become more selfish when we engage in it. We have to undo the damage it has done to our soul.
     
  12. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Thank you guys for the info. I really appreciate it. I will focus on my wife more. I think me focusing on my relationship will help me not masturbate because when I feel like watching porn it will make me think of how it affects my relationship with my wife.
     
  13. addictedhusband

    addictedhusband Fapstronaut

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    Can porn affect your sex life And make you numb? For sure! Watching porn gives you the idea that sex is like a porn movie. So, you forget the idea that sex is intimacy, touch, feel, joy, happiness, comfort, etc . PMO affected my sex life big time . My wife was feeling insecure and not loved. I am still trying to recover a healthy sex life with her after giving up PMO one month ago. Once you remove PMO from your system, things should start to get better. Good luck !
     
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  14. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

  15. E.L

    E.L Fapstronaut

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    Cognitively, porn causes arousal of the brain, increasing positive neurotransmitters to be released such as dopamine. This occurs in response to new stimuli. It's normally a fine and natural response, but the prevalence and excessive amount of new stimuli overloads your brain and repeated exposure leads to requiring higher levels of dopamine required to get the same sense of high. It becomes self-reinforcing. Eventually, everything you are used to becomes mundane and doesn't give enough "kick". Hence, you find people you used to find attractive less attractive.

    You're also training behaviours. Everytime you look at a woman's breasts or other area in pornography, you are increasing the likelihood of doing that under normal scenarios.

    Another phenomenon is similar to sugary drinks. On hot days, do you reach for a cool glass of water or a coke? If you reach for the coke, it's because your body has associated sugar with water, so it goes to that when it really needed just water. Similarly, when you are stressed or down, you might have trained yourself to reach for sex / porn as a way to return dopanime levels to normal, rather than normal means such as exercise, hobbies, just taking a thirty minute "do nothing" break, hanging out with friends, and so forth. So, that's maybe part of the obsessively thinking about sex.

    None of this does with love. It's training habits that are counterproductive to building relationships.

    But, you can always show forth signs of love even if you are still recovering from the effects of pornography. Just talking is a good start. Building habits like writing down and acting on her concerns. Remembering things that you used to really like that brought you together. Going for a walk or doing some exercise together (bonus: people that exercise together tend to divorce less, so maybe there's something to that!). Ask her questions about her day first - think about things you'd like to talk about before meeting. I'm sure you do a lot of these things already, but a little bit over time goes a long way.
     
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  16. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    @ E.L Thank you. I will start tomorrow morning.
     
  17. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    It's not just porn. It's all the triggers that lead you to it. My SO just relapsed after a 322 day streak. He realized where he lost his defenses. Major eye opener. He is making alot of changes. It is sad for me to see our lives taking the turn it is, but he is determined not to end up in the "rabbit hole". He's taking away movies with actresses he fantasized about/seeked out on the Internet before searching for P and is leaving his phone where he knows it's not going to be alone with him (like in the bathroom) he wants our relationship to heal completely too. I think it's courageous that so many people are trying to really reconnect with their partners when I have seen alot say "this isn't a real thing"
    If you know your triggers, you can change your habits and everyday gets easier.-his advice (not mine)
    Stay strong!
     
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  18. QCA

    QCA Fapstronaut

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    Porn for me causes shame which in thrn causes isolation and anger. This is not good for your relationship with your wife. Aside from the other points made here.
     
  19. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    You guys I listend to what you guys said and I told my spouse everything. She understand what I am going through and she didnt judge me. Thanks to you guys I had the courage to open up to her more. Now she's going to help me get through this. She is now going to check my history every day and find ways to break this addiction.
     
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