About two years ago my husband was experiencing suicidal thoughts. After much discussion he disclosed it was alongside an addiction to pornography. A problem he’d claimed a year earlier he’d dealt with. Whilst shocked and upset I love him and wanted to move forward so booked us into couples counselling. Of course this was not the right place and my husband was recommended a specialist therapist which he started seeing. This led to him also joining SA which seemed to really help him.I truly saw a transformation in him as a person and have been so proud of his progress. Throughout our marriage he had struggled with ED. Once free from porn when we became intimate again the problem was totally resolved. Which on top of the obvious trust issues was quite upsetting as the ED had created some very challenging times when we were trying for a baby. I’ve tried to be supportive through the whole process. I’ve stayed with him not knowing if I would trust him again. I’ve always said to him I accept that he may relapse at some point. My only request was that if he did he would tell me. That I’d still be there for him but I needed him to be honest because it’s the only way I could truly know he’d turned a corner. Tonight after issues in the bedroom he admitted he’d turned to porn again. That his relapse has been 6 months long. I now am in turmoil as I honestly don’t think I can ever trust him again. He admitted had the ED not been an issue he probably would never have told me. It’s not the relapse it’s that he lied- again. In my heart I want to say- well at least he told you but my head says he’s going to keep doing it to you for the rest of your life. How do I get past that. There’s times in that 6 months where he’s acted as if I were crazy for suggesting things in the bedroom were a little off again. The worst thing was I knew it was coming. He’d stopped going to his weekly meetings and doing his daily charts etc. I could have bugged him to but frankly I don’t think that’s something I should have to do. Where do we go from here- can I ever trust him again? Because it feels like he’s just going to keep lying to me for the rest of our lives. I’ve told him he can stay- but honestly that’s only because our son would be devastated if I kicked him out.