Can women "Really" Sense a fapper?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Liam-the-dude, Sep 19, 2021.

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  1. Liam-the-dude

    Liam-the-dude New Fapstronaut

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    I would like an honest answer about this: Particularly from a women.

    I have heard this saying before, and it disgusts me that women may percieve me this way. It is definitely motivation to quit, but how true is this statement? Or is it just a myth?
     
  2. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    No. But they certainly notice under confidence.

    Plus most guys masturbate. I don't think most women would care if they thought a guy they were interested in masturbates. They would probably be more surprised if a guy didn't masturbate I would say.
     
  3. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    In a relationship, they can certainly uncover a liar.
     
  4. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Woman cannot sense if someone frequently masturbates, but for those that frequently use porn, when they stop for several weeks, there is almost always an increase in attention and interest from women. Others may disagree, but I think quitting porn makes you more outgoing and interesting to women (even if you can't sense it yourself) and that brings the attention of women. Other people have theories have well, ranging from scientific to spiritual. Even if it's a placebo affect, the trend is there, and it's something you should look forward to by quitting porn.
     
  5. I_Am_Strong_54

    I_Am_Strong_54 Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure if women can sense a fapper. In my experience when I have been going well and not watching porn and PMOing I find myself just naturally more outgoing and interactive with people. I guess you could say it's the women sensing that I am not fapping, but I believe it's more the internal changes for me and being more aware of possibilities around me.
     
  6. Giacomo Leopardi

    Giacomo Leopardi Fapstronaut

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    I see blokes here with the hypothesis that it's some kind of hormonal alchemy, but I think it's simply a question of nervous energy.

    To use an analogy from the field of electomagnetism, when you have an excess of nervous energy you emit positive, attractive energy, but when you are in a deficit you emit negative, repulsive energy. As is often said colloquially, this is the question of your "vibe."
     
  7. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I hate to break it to you, but yeah it’s pretty easy. Not like immediately ( sometimes but not always)but if I’m around them for a while and especially if they are friends. I also look at their fingernails, if a man has messed up fingernails then even if I don’t know him I’m already wondering if he uses.
     
  8. Interesting how the men say “no” yet the women say “yes” …

    My whole journey into recovery started when a female friend suggested that I take a break from porn. How did she know?!?!

    I’ve been dumbstruck several times by people telling me they knew about my porn use, about my masturbation and about my fetishes. Some times by strangers, more often by friends. Both male and female.

    Might be my fault for gravitating towards very intelligent and perceptive people.
     
  9. Akbarmagnus

    Akbarmagnus Fapstronaut

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    fingernails have exactly zero use in male masturbation.
     
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  10. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Lol. That’s what you think. My husband nails have been deformed since I net him at 19. As his addiction got worse his nails got worse. Doctors sent him to specialist! At one year clean his nails were substantially better, now at 2.8 years they are perfect. When I told my csat, she said it was not uncommon and they are trying to figure out why.
     
  11. Akbarmagnus

    Akbarmagnus Fapstronaut

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    unless you regularly clip/trim your nail they will be deformed regardless of if you fap or have endless sex.
     
  12. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    @Akbarmagnus

    It's probably not directly related to PMO use, but more likely lack of impulse control and anxiety, both of which are high in severe PMO users.

    I think this post is about women just "sensing" if guys PMO anyway, which just is not true.
     
  13. ProminentPosterior

    ProminentPosterior Fapstronaut

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    Not insomuch a fapper as they can sense someone who is lecherous while also insecure and filled with shame.
     
  14. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Deep pits and ridges in his nails. For all 35 years that I’ve been with him. If you guys think that flooding your body with unnatural amounts of dopamine doesn’t have physical effects just give it a few years. My husband has changed physically since getting into recovery. Changes that friends smd family have commented on without even knowing about his addiction/recovery. I mean doctors don’t even believe in pied- my husband had pied for 5 years! From 45-50. He started recovery and is freaking rock hard in bed every dang time. That’s what a 40 year addiction did you him.
     
  15. @Psalm27:1my light Thank you for this and for sharing some insight and sharing your husband's story of hope. I, too, have noticed ridges and other deformities in my fingernails.
    I have been diagnosed with extremely low testosterone which is believed to be negatively affected by excessive masturbation. If testosterone affects bone density, hair growth and hair loss . . . how could it not affect fingernail development?

    To the OP and the rest of the respondents:
    • After a really rough day I had a female friend suggest that I take a break from porn. How did she know?
    • I had some co-workers help me move once and a female co-worker asked, "oh, are all these boxes your porn collection?" . . . they were!!
    • I met a guy once who worked as a clerk in a porn shop. He said he could often tell if someone was a porn addict and said that he could tell that I was one.
    • I talked with a guy after a one day class once and he said he could tell that I had no success with girls and was a wanker
    • I went to a party once and when I was leaving one woman said, "It was nice to meet you. Come back!" and another woman said, "Oh, he's going to come tonight!" and they both laughed.
    • A friend of mine confessed his interest in pegging to me. Totally out of the blue. Said he figured I'd be okay with that. Another time, the same friend said, "But, you're a cuckold!" I was shocked. How the heck did he know about my secret fetish? I'd never even hinted at that. He saw my surprise and said, "C'mon, man! You didn't have to tell me. It's totally obvious!"
    • A girl walked up to me in a bar once and said I looked like I'd rather be at home masturbating.
    And, lastly, I will say for myself that I have seen guys (and even a few women) and would have felt pretty confident in betting that that person was a porn addict. If I look around a crowded room, I probably couldn't tell you if 90% of those people are wankers or not . . . but sometimes it's just really pretty obvious. :rolleyes:
     
  16. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I will say this, I believe woman who have been in a ltr with a porn addict can spot them. However, I don’t know if someone who has never been in a relationship with one could. One of the things I’ve noticed, they look at women with a “ hooded” look ( that’s how I see it) and it’s like they are looking at the woman but not actually “ seeing” her. Then they will snap out of it. I don’t really know how to describe it.
     
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  17. From a more medical viewpoint...

    Porn and masturbation certainly can contribute to certain physiological issues. Be aware, however, that not everyone who has those issues will have a problem with porn or masturbation. For example, PMO may cause tiredness, irritability, and (esp. lower) backache. But lifting a piano might cause backache as well, and packing/moving with all of the stress of arrangements and last-minute goodbyes could cause plenty of tiredness and irritability.

    Which brings me to nails....

    I have at times had deeply ridged nails. These are a sign of stress to the endocrine system and/or parasympathetic system. Stress like this can come from many possible sources, ranging from hormonal disorders, to emotional conflicts, to mineral imbalances, to serious mental stress/anxiety. Porn is hardly the only possible stressor that could cause this.

    I have never had a porn problem. I am not a porn watcher. I came to this forum because of the withdrawal symptoms I was experiencing when my wife of many years was forcibly separated from me by circumstances and I did not want to simply pleasure myself in her absence.

    Now, if the ladies here judged me to be a porn addict by looking at my nails, they would have sorely misjudged me. It may be a rare man these days who is not addicted to porn--I don't know--but there are certainly others out there besides me. So let's be careful about judging.

    In my experience, women often consider their intuitions to be more accurate and reliable than they actually are. So-called "feminine instincts" are not good compasses for guidance--unless, of course, one chooses to believe that emotions are the best way to make decisions.

    Regarding sexual addiction...

    It is possible to have a sexual addiction within a legitimate marriage. Sex is addicting. So is food. And sometimes, we need some of what we are addicted to, which makes management of the addiction far more challenging. It might be easier to stop smoking than to stop overeating, simply because no one ever needs a cigarette, but we do need food. Many would say we don't need sex--but I'm not sure that is quite true when once one is married.

    Even in marriage, moderation is important. Having a marriage license does not legitimize unlimited sexual gratification. And to be honest, my wife and I were fairly average, by what I understand surveys to say, with intimacies at about twice or thrice a week. But even at that level, I felt addicted. Going longer than 4-5 days was always difficult, and more than a week felt like a real challenge. When my wife left once for a month, I found it virtually impossible at around the 2-week mark. Another man who came without his wife for a one-month seminar complained about his own discomfort (blue balls) and that he could hardly wait to get back home. I can sure relate to that. But I have learned that it is the anticipation that makes the situation so punishingly difficult. If one would merely push all such thoughts away, it would be far easier to tolerate the absence.
     
  18. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I did qualify the nails. I do not automatically think someone with bad fingernails is a sex addict, lol. I said it’s one thing that I notice and makes me wonder. I agree stress could affect you physically as well, tho reason I know my husbands nails was his addiction is that for the last 8 months his stress levels were higher due to family issues and his younger sister dying. Our stress was through the roof and to help lessen that he retired early. Obviously everyone has different levels of addiction and different exposure. My husband has been addicted longer than many of you have been alive. He did not experience pied until his addiction escalated at 45 yrs old. Some of you are 20 and experiencing it! So although there will be common issues there will also be uncommon ones. Same with Covid why does it kill some and others barely have a cold? Our bodies respond and react to certain things differently make no mistake though, it does affect you.
     
  19. rebootingtome

    rebootingtome Fapstronaut

    I'd like to drop a small dose of science into the conversation here, particularly on the fingernail thing. Let's talk about zinc.

    Zinc is critical in production of ejaculate (sperm). Ejaculate has a fairly high zinc content (relatively speaking). If a man masturbates a lot, his body is producing (and emitting) lots of zinc-rich material. If his diet does not include sufficient zinc to keep up with this, he may suffer from deficiency of zinc.

    Zinc is involved with men's sex hormones as well, as you might expect; but in both sexes, zinc is critical in fingernail growth; one of the easiest visible signs of zinc deficiency is white spots on fingernails. Fingernails usually also become more brittle, with deep ridges and sometimes pits.

    On the point about "smelling" in the OP ... some mineral deficiencies, including in particular zinc deficiency, are also linked to body odor problems.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2021
  20. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Well I’m glad my husband never smelled! Lol
     
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