Can you lose progress? Relapsed after almost 90 days :/

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by trynaquitpmoforgood, Oct 10, 2021.

  1. trynaquitpmoforgood

    trynaquitpmoforgood Fapstronaut

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    Hey fam, so recently I had relapsed pretty hard the past couple of days :( I had almost reached day 90! It was around day 87. I was so happy for once, but I was real tired one day just due to me returning to work and I relapsed twice in a row. Do I lose progress because of that? How do I recover from a relapse? Thanks in advance. Hope your battles are going well!

    Also, what is your guys opinion on counters; because I feel like that's screwing me over how do I stop focusing on my counter? That is what I think set me back a few days.
     
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  2. Mulab5239

    Mulab5239 Fapstronaut

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    I think the best thing to do is get back on nofap this instant. DO NOT BINGE FOR A WHILE. You made progress already it isn’t gone but it wil be when you binge. I think counters are a good idea until you feel you have been “rebooted”.
     
  3. findforward

    findforward Fapstronaut

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    As long as you get back into rebooting as soon as possible following viewing or masturbating, you'll still get a lot of the benefit of a long streak like that. Counters are fine as long as your not obsessing over them before you get to a number. What does doing day 90 mean if you're currently on day 4 for example? It means nothing at that moment. You can only do one day at a time and that can often be the best way to approach a challenge. Afterall, the only thing that happens when you get day 90 done is that you start on day 91. This process is really about being and staying 'sober' rather than about just stopping for three months. You can only do that day by day.

    If you find yourself obsessing over counters try only challenging yourself to do one day. You can do that 90 times in a row if you like, but it's a way of bringing yourself back to the present. You don't want to be continually thinking 90 days in the future, resetting and never getting there.
     
  4. PegasusKid

    PegasusKid Fapstronaut

    I don't think counters, or at least focusing on them, is really the way to go for a lot of people(mine keeps coming back cause I like to use the site tracker to sort of get a rough idea of where I'm at). I think the biggest issue with counting is what this post is kinda showing, which is people feel like failures if they don't hit some magic number and constantly keeping track of the counter is still thinking about porn, this is called ironic process theory where trying to suppress a thought makes it more likely to surface, or in this case suppressing the action of pmo. I feel like counting goes against the concept of leaving porn behind altogether because it makes it seem like your progress is only related to a number, and not the overall healing of your life. So to answer your question, you still made progress. The same way you didn't slip down this slope because of one decision, you won't fall back down all the way because of one decision. By going that long without using you made a lot of decisions in the positive direction. Its like working out, you wouldn't lose all your muscle after skipping one workout. The most important thing here is not binging anymore, and continuing to do what you've been doing.
     
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  5. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    You definitely do lose a little progress, there's no hiding from that. How much progress? Vanishingly little. Like others here have said the key point is to just get back on the horse as soon as possible and keep riding. Forgive yourself and give yourself some love, then do your best to keep going. 87 days is a phenomenal achievement and focusing on that feeling of achievement is going to help you move forward. Celebrate even the smallest wins.

    Also, think of it more as proportion. What proportion of the last year did you spend fapping? For example, let's say you've relapsed every 10 days for the past year. If you're focused on the counter then you'll feel like an absolute failure because you were never able to get over 10 days. If you think about it that makes zero sense though. If you relapsed every 10 days over the course of 365 days that means you had 36 relapses. That's nothing compared to most people who masturbate every day or even more than once a day. A difference of over 300! If that's not an insane amount of progress then I don't know what is.

    Celebrating wins makes you a winner.

    Ruminating over loses makes you loser.

    It's your choice!
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2021
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  6. Meshuga

    Meshuga Fapstronaut

    For counters, it's like if you decide running a 6 minute mile means you're healthy. You can choose to fixate on your run times, or you can casually work at it while remembering that 6 minutes is just one metric, somewhat arbitrarily chosen, but the real goal is to get healthy. So you work out and you eat good stuff and you don't eat bad stuff, you make a habit of hydrating, but in the end, even if you never make the 6 minute mile, you're in a better spot than you used to be. The counter is a good tool, but you don't need to live and die by it. Not a lot of neural rewiring was going to happen in those three days, and it's not like a switch is thrown and you're suddenly cured.

    You got to 87. That's damn good. It basically told you that you know how to quit P. But you reset, which reminds you that you aren't invincible. So, battle through the next however many hours of chaser, then go back to the normal routine. And don't stare at your counter, either, enjoy your porn free life.
     
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