cannot stop fapping, prolonged abstinence decreased my sexual performance

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by elonmusk, Mar 27, 2019.

  1. elonmusk

    elonmusk Fapstronaut

    Hi there,

    I have been able to not to fap for 6 months last year.
    It was great! I was feeling that I have my sexuality under control.
    The problem which I had was that I was too easy to get excited
    by my wife and I came really fast.

    I tried to search for help in here and also on internet but I was unable to find any information about how to solve this.
    I dont want to use any medication which has always negative side effects
    and is in most cases negativelly affecting livers or other organs in the long run.

    So I started fapping again which helped me to last much longer, but as always
    I lost my grip over my desire and I am relapsing like crazy.

    Do you have any advice on this?
    I love my wife and I want her to make happy.
    AspiringVitality and dboy18 like this.
  2. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

    We men think in strategy, logic and step by step plans, so here goes:

    0. Do NOT take meds for performance​
    1. Take a cold shower, and stop wanking immediately.
    2. Focus on foreplay from now on when having sex with your wife
    3. Read the Sex God Method (read it again each month from now on)
    4. Look into reverse kegel exercises and learn to relax your muscles down there on command (do NOT test this with porn/masturbation because of the risk of relapse)
    5. Research the Root- & Sacral chakra's and confront any issues or wounds that are laying dormant in your soul
    • Cheat option for special occasions: you can play sexy drinking games, teasing each other while playing cards or whatever while drinking. The alcohol should make you a less sensative and it relaxes your pelvic muscles. You don't have to be drunk for this to work, find your right dosage. Of course this is NOT a substitute for working on yourself, that goes without saying.
    Never binge on porn, especially if you already are trying to quit. Google "kindling effect nofap"
  3. That's pagan bullshit.
  4. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

    God bless you too, sir.
    I appreciate your input.
  5. Zorglub

    Zorglub Fapstronaut

    Hi, I know the feeling but sometimes we have a wrong idea about how we should perform sexually and not all women like long sessions that can become a bit mechanical. Was your wife really unsatisfied or were you disappointed of yourself? You can give her the advantage by pleasuring her in longer preliminary for example.
    AspiringVitality likes this.
  6. elonmusk

    elonmusk Fapstronaut

    When I met my wife, we were able to achieve orgasms together and I was during that time addicted to porn a lot.
    Then during 4 years, I started to understand that my mental health was really negatively affected by porn so I quit.
    I was doing Kegel for a year during that time but after half a year, I started to get more and more sensitive.

    Of course, I am focusing on foreplay because that's the only thing I can actually do and not come, but my wife is
    getting really bored by long foreplay even when I am trying to change them. So she wants me inside immediately
    and I last just for like a minute max and cum and I see that she is really not done yet. Of course, she loves
    when I came and that I like it, but it feels that sex is only about me and not about her.
    Because for her it takes about 10 minutes to really to have orgasms and she is really shy to talk about it all the time,
    deflecting any questions on what should I change etc.

    I am unhappy about this state, but I do enjoy sex with her.
    I would say she is not too much into it but I think it is because I do not last as much as when we started.
    On the other hand, sex is much better now than before, but she does not have orgasms as she had before.

    I am actually going to the gym twice a week for a year so I don't have a problem with physical fitness.
    The lasting is not about being exhausted :(
  7. Zorglub

    Zorglub Fapstronaut

    That's tough. All I can say is that when I took antidepressants, I lasted as long as I wanted . Not to say that it's the best option but the right molecule at the right dosage under medical suppervision could help you regaining confidence.
  8. Heian

    Heian Fapstronaut

    Keep having sex, focus on foreplay and take it slow.
    Don't fuck, what you should do instead is have sex or make love. (hope you understand the difference)
    I'm pretty sure she wants you to do it faster and harder.

    Also I can't press it enough but do not under any circumstances masturbate when you are in a relationship!

    Also if you haven't already watch "Mark Gungor - Full Marrige Seminar" on youtube, I'm not telling you to buy anything from his site!
    Just watch the 4 hour seminar with your wife.
    If you already have a perfect marrige with no troubles at all fell free to pass. Otherwise I strongly recomend watching it!

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