cant accept myself for sexual stuff

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by recoome, Feb 10, 2020.

  1. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    i've had gay sex n i cant accept it. i had a crappy childhood n there was pmo addiction. was in therapy for year n half. have some clarity over it, but i cant accept that i've had gay stuff.

    its killing me inside. wish the childhood was different. therapist is in other city n will have to find another one.

    but i cant live with this fact that i've had gay stuff. it makes me feel like i'm still a slave of my shitty childhood. n how he ruined my mind.

    please this is not an offense to the gay community. but it feels like my abuser is laughing at me.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2020
    Kligor likes this.
  2. Your abuser is laughing at you? You mean as a child you have been sexually abused by a pedophile and know he is laughing at you cause you had sex as an adult with another man?
     
    recoome likes this.
  3. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    Stay strong buddy that thing is not joke.When i was kid i was sexually abused by pedophile.
    He trick me to come to his house,we know each other before that but i didn't have an idea he was a pedophile.
    Like i said i was kid back then he just told me put your pants down,for all lucky he didn't f*ck me i hit him with fist in head.But before i hit him in head because i was shaking with fear because i was kid in that time he push his finger in my ass.I was in trauma for whole next year,but now i really don't care what happened life is full of shit.
     
    recoome and Optimum Fortitude like this.
  4. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    Yeah my abuser ruined my entire life.
     
  5. Sorry to hear you were abused, no one should have to go through that. When you say he ruined your life then I see he did so twice. First time when abusing you, second time when you hand over your power to him now.
     
  6. Roosterillusion

    Roosterillusion Fapstronaut

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    keep going bud! fuck the past, embrace the future. Rise from the ashes
     
  7. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    I wish him all the suffering in the world.
     
  8. I understand. Right now he makes you suffer. Have you ever thought of how you can take your power back? Don‘t let him possess you. Don‘t give him victory over you. What he did to your body and soul was awful. Now is the time for you to start your healing process.
     
  9. Zimzi

    Zimzi Fapstronaut

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    Yes laughing cuz he corrupted persons mind. Use ur brain.
     
    Peaceful magic 21 likes this.
  10. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    yeah...corrupted my mind.

    I hope he lives with repent.
     
  11. Jonah53

    Jonah53 Fapstronaut

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    Been there. Hard to shake
     
  12. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    i keep on reliving the past. wishing someone had saved me then. if someone had walked in on the act. or if he were never born... its like i cant get past the act.
    i cant stop dreaming of a different past.
     
  13. hubbawulf1234

    hubbawulf1234 Fapstronaut

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    I wish I had good advice for you. All I can offer you is my support and ear if you ever need it.
     
  14. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    It's not like i havent done bad stuff and its not the abuse was violent.

    more than the abuse i felt the aftermath was bad. like i was seeking validation n attention from everywhere n everyone. became a sex addict.
     
  15. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    Be strong man! In your situation, that's something that can happen!
     
  16. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    a lot of good info here:
    https://malesurvivor.org/index.php

    there are some good books to read about it as well. Your mind is stuck in a pattern - there are ways to break the pattern

    but please care for yourself - and don't shame yourself - you did nothing your trust was abused.
     
  17. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    I just wish I hadnt made the pass at the friend. then i wouldnt be treated badly n wouldnt have the nervous breakdown. wish i had gone to therapy before making the pass. now i regret the way they treated me more than anything else.

    n this wish is taking up all my mental energy. wishing of a different past. imagining a parallel world.
     

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