Can't admit my addiction

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by frankied, Nov 16, 2015.

  1. frankied

    frankied Fapstronaut

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    i don't know what this is.

    Ive relapsed several times, once after 21 days streak, once after an 45 streak, and once after a 70 day streak. Every time i binged quite a lot, but then i realised i realised that i should stop again.

    But this time after the 70 days, i watched so many videos and its getting worse and worse.
    I just can't seem to make the shift. I can't admit that i am addicted. i am living really unhealthy at the moment, and why do i feel better now, fuck i am so sick of this. It's because life feels easier now.

    wtf can i do to make myself realise.

    Thank you
     
  2. britaxe

    britaxe Fapstronaut

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    I realised when my last session left me sitting in a pool of my own sweat and shit stains on a wooden chair. Fuck that. Learn to hate it Bro. Its no good for u
     
    frankied, rayofhope, JoeinMD and 2 others like this.
  3. JoePineapples

    JoePineapples Fapstronaut

    You know your better off without that shit. You know your addicted. Why would you be on here if you didn't.
    You've admitted it to yourself. You've made yourself vulnerable, and you know you have to tools and support to accomplish a streak.
    You've had a two week binge. Before that, you've done TEN weeks clean. 10/12.
    Get back in the horse. Do another ten weeks. Make it 20/22. That's your next mission.
    Your streaks are getting longer. You are getting stronger.
    IF (and it's not inevitable) you do fail, RESOLVE NOW not to binge. Make it a one time failure, reset, and start again.
    YOU CAN DO THIS.
     
    frankied and mv8652 like this.
  4. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    Your last streak was 70 days? Compared with 21 and 45 days? It sounds like your streaks are getting longer...don't you get any points for that? I understand that your binges are perhaps manic and excessive when they happen, but your recovery streaks also seem to be longer than what you have ever been used to as well in your life. Keep up the great work, and your binges will be fewer and far between than they have ever been before. That is progress in recovery. Just get back on tract now and start again, and remember the hellish binges and all the pitfalls following for what they are when you're tempted next to fall.
     
    OddTheOodle, frankied and mv8652 like this.
  5. Mighty Wolf

    Mighty Wolf Guest

    Wow @frankied, you have been in great streaks in the past.. you've got the will power to take this challenge head on my friend.. Remember, one thing buddy, It ain't about going for big streaks really.. its all about reducing porn usage from say for example, 2 times a day to 3 or 4 times a month.. Isn't that a great achievement already!!?? Feel strong brother!

    RELAPSING!
    Relapsing sucks, we have all been there. Eventually we hit rock bottom and realize we like the sober version of ourselves and life is more clear.

    On the path of getting clean there are side tracks, slippery slopes and rough weather. We will tend to relapse over the course of our journey and one thing I used to experience is regret, feeling bad, that ah shit moment when you realize you fucked up and you will be irritable for the next three days. There is no advantage to feelings of guilt, shame, regret, anger. These are natural side effects when we slip and become the fallen once again, but in and of themselves they hold no actual benefit, no advantage.

    Do yourself a favor and cheer up. Stay positive. Exuding self confidence is reassuring, feeling angry or frustrated could possibly lead to a chaser. "Well, I might as well finish the day with another fap since Im down again." No, not today. If we relapse, we try even harder, we don't go backwards and binge.

    As we climb this difficult mountain, we must expect difficulties and set backs, its going to happen. But how we make up for it, how we get back up to fight another day makes all the difference. There is a great learning in a relapse. It proves to our subconscious what it might have doubted. Again and again we learn what makes us happy and what doesn't. Success is inevitable. Yes, I truly believe that. I believe we are all moving towards success no matter what. The quicker we can get back up, the sooner we can throw that next punch.

    ~
    @SolidStance

    [​IMG]
     
  6. rayofhope

    rayofhope Fapstronaut

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    Wow sorry to hear that I think there are like subconscious complexes that are like living entities within us. And that depth of relapse is a last ditch effort on the part of a certain way of being inside of you that is dying. A wise man once told me that the closer you get to the light, its not that the shadow disappears, but in fact it gets longer and deeper. The greater one's purity, the more intolerable the impurity. I've lasted longest ever was 14 days. That in itself was a big big thing for me, but once I fell off I fell off for months. Only now do I have the presence of mind to try again. You are so great for staying connected to your best self. It is still there, writing these messages. Don't be discouraged by your difficulties working with these powerful forces. You have accomplished more already than most :) and you will definitely end up honoring your desire to live a PMO free life.
     
  7. frankied

    frankied Fapstronaut

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    Thank you guys for the support ! I know i can do this again
     
    OddTheOodle, britaxe and rayofhope like this.
  8. OddTheOodle

    OddTheOodle Fapstronaut

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    Frankie,

    @JoeinMD has a point. Your streaks are getting longer. You do deserve credit for that. Congratulations, brother.
     
    frankied likes this.
  9. frankied

    frankied Fapstronaut

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    Thank you Bro ! I just need to realise again that this is not the life i want to life.
     
  10. feo1966

    feo1966 Fapstronaut

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    Look into Auto-Suggestion. There are a few old books on it. At the very least, it is a form of self-hypnosis.
    Here is one book on it.
    http://www.amazon.com/Power-Your-Subconscious-Mind/dp/160459201X

    I constantly whisper to myself .... all day long, phrases such as:

    "I am healthy and happy"
    "Love, Joy and Kindness"
    And try to feel it and picture it.

    Basically constantly flood your conscious mind with positive thoughts, which basically take root in your subconscious.

    Holy shit ... is it ever making NoFap easy. I started 21 days ago, and I have not even come close to looking at porn.

    If I get the slightest thought coming to mind of PMO, I just smile and say one of my phrases.
     
    rayofhope likes this.
  11. Jodokus

    Jodokus Fapstronaut

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    @frankied
    To call oneself an addict doesn't help. What matters is knowledge (about porn-addiction, rebooting...) and support.
    Of course when you have enough knowledge you can see if you're addicted or not.
    The problem is not that you don't see the shit you're in. The problem is the dopamine-rush is just more important to your brain. Luckily for you you already are able to deny your brain that rush for very long times. Just go on ;)

    But I hear you say "can't admit my addiction". So maybe you have the desire to confess it to your family or friends or just somebody in real life?
     
  12. frankied

    frankied Fapstronaut

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    I have already told everyone in my close family, and my psychiaterist...
    By now i have lost most interest in girls, and in being with friends, its not exciting anymore, i will quit again because porn is good for nothing
     
    OddTheOodle likes this.
  13. Jodokus

    Jodokus Fapstronaut

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    Then you really are confronting your problems and taking responsibility. Respect brother.
     
    OddTheOodle likes this.

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