Can't connect with anyone

[RealBatman]

This is my first post on this site. I'm a 20yo guy, working at a factory and going to university this autumn. Never had a gf, not even close, never had any kind of intimacy so I'm pretty lonely and inexperienced. I was never taught to socialize, I was pretty sheltered. Of course porn filled that void so I never felt a huge need for a relationship. My parents raised 3 girls before me so I think they don't even know how to raise a man. I'm pretty confident in some things but what is incredibly hard for me is talking to strangers and especially women. I consciously know that they are just regular people but something in my brain sets off the alarm when talking to a woman (not flirting or anything, could be just small talk) and I'm just anxious as hell and can't be myself in the situation at all. How can I be better at this? I feel like my potential is completely wasted by this. Thanks

 

[Deleted Account]

You need to experience this by yourself. This is how we develop. You're the one who'll break the shyness. You're the one who helps himself. You need to try but do it in the right way. We create ourselves. Forget the past! Good luck!

 

[jt850]

Unfortunately, there's no cut and dry answer to this. The only thing you can do is dive in to social settings. Go to local events and activities with a friend or 2 and learn to talk to new people. I can relate to you on the being sheltered part and not being great at socializing so know that you are not alone. All love and strength to you brother!

 

[EsCargo5]

Hey! I’m new here too. Well, it’s good that you’re being honest and open. At your age I didn’t have the courage to open up like you. I too am not the best a talking to strangers. Some people are just blessed with that ability. And honestly, not being so social can be a good thing. You don’t want to be caught up with the wrong people. I didn’t go to college, but I think you may start to open up a little more there. Hopefully you’ll be led to a community of positive friends there. As far as women goes, try not to stress about it. It’ll happen. Whoever she is, you just might not have met her yet. And it’s good you’ve joined this forum of others with the same goal in mind. Hopefully when that relationship with a woman comes along, porn and masturbation won’t be an issue to worry about.

 

[Deleted Account]

This is my first post on this site. I'm a 20yo guy, working at a factory and going to university this autumn. Never had a gf, not even close, never had any kind of intimacy so I'm pretty lonely and inexperienced. I was never taught to socialize, I was pretty sheltered. Of course porn filled that void so I never felt a huge need for a relationship. My parents raised 3 girls before me so I think they don't even know how to raise a man. I'm pretty confident in some things but what is incredibly hard for me is talking to strangers and especially women. I consciously know that they are just regular people but something in my brain sets off the alarm when talking to a woman (not flirting or anything, could be just small talk) and I'm just anxious as hell and can't be myself in the situation at all. How can I be better at this? I feel like my potential is completely wasted by this. Thanks

Everyone goes through this. Believe in yourself. Develop and maintain productive habits. Join new activities. Don’t seek to impress, seek to understand. Ask questions. Relate your own experience. Stay truthful. Watch, listen, learn.

 

[Deleted Account]

This is my first post on this site. I'm a 20yo guy, working at a factory and going to university this autumn. Never had a gf, not even close, never had any kind of intimacy so I'm pretty lonely and inexperienced. I was never taught to socialize, I was pretty sheltered. Of course porn filled that void so I never felt a huge need for a relationship. My parents raised 3 girls before me so I think they don't even know how to raise a man. I'm pretty confident in some things but what is incredibly hard for me is talking to strangers and especially women. I consciously know that they are just regular people but something in my brain sets off the alarm when talking to a woman (not flirting or anything, could be just small talk) and I'm just anxious as hell and can't be myself in the situation at all. How can I be better at this? I feel like my potential is completely wasted by this. Thanks

The good news is that the anxiety means women are important to you. You're going to have to go through a hellish period of growth, but there are people who have screwed themselves up so much they don't even feel anything around real-life people. You've got a lot to be grateful and to work with, even if the emotions are intensely distressing for now, and probably until you really dig into them and commit to attacking your weakness in relationships.