Relapsing? The hard truth is you need to change yourself. The mass of men are using P today. Why? Because we have been mis-educated in a system that enfeebles our will. A consumerist society wants passive consumers, and P is the ultimate consumption, where while you consume, you are yourself consumed. If you want to rise above the mass, then you need to re-educate yourself. The ego will not like it, but if you want it badly enough, you, your will, your true desire, will lead it kicking and screaming. And then in the light of day, in the light of Truth, Beauty, Goodness and Unity, your little ego, with its base desires, with wither and die. Good luck people!