Can't figure out if I'm bi

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by apostolov, Mar 22, 2019.

  1. apostolov

    apostolov Fapstronaut

    Hey guys. It all started a few months ago when I was masturbating on gay porn. I have masturbated to absolutely everything BTW, except for child porn. I used to find this very funny and now I see how bad things were. Thing is now I am almost completely sure that I'm bi and yet i have never had a guy crush or up till recently never even noticed guys. I was handling all of this pretty well for the last 2 months but these days I have problems falling asleep even from the thoughts that I might be bi. The craziest thing is when I think of sexual interaction with another dude I think that I might even like it but I know I would never do it. These constant contradictions are literally driving me insane. IDK if there's HOCD for being bi but I just want things to go the the way they were 2 years ago when yeah I was masturbating to all types of weird shit but at least I didn't have these constant thoughts. I don't have anything against the LGBT people out there but at the same time I desperately don't wanna be Bi. I was thinking for a very short time that I was gay but at least that I do know that I'm not. But this bi thing is killing me mentally from the inside. I don't know what to do.
  2. Guy, no problem to be gay or bi. Deny yourself isnt good. If youre be a bi man, you may have the best of two worlds. Trust me.
    Zorglub and Judas Johnson like this.
  3. Theamos

    Theamos Fapstronaut

    I was in denial for a long time. Even when is was having sex with men I was in denial. I never put a label as gay bi poly or what ever
    I like sex with girls and guys
    No need to worry
    Judas Johnson likes this.
  4. apostolov

    apostolov Fapstronaut

    I don't think I'm in denial cause these thoughts came so out of nowhere and are very different to the way I see myself that I cannot accept them as accurate descriptions of me
  5. Either way that shouldn't be the worry right now. It isn't easy to try to get your mind off of this but focus on staying away from PMO for 90 days. Give your mind a chance to heal and right itself.
    After that your thoughts and real preferences will be more clear.
    fiddler and Theamos like this.
  6. apostolov

    apostolov Fapstronaut

    I've been trying to most I got to is 8 days hard mode but it's very tough after meeting up with my gf cause we're long distance at the moment and every time after sex I find it almost impossible not to fap at least once.
  7. Judas Johnson

    Judas Johnson Fapstronaut

    At the end of the day, you are who you are, gay or bi, doesn't mean you have to change as a person. Keep it cool.
    Theamos likes this.
  8. That's the chaser affect. If she leaves right after and you don't have the opportunity to stay close to her and intimate after for a day or two, you'll need to find something to keep your mind and hands busy until it wears off. Also avoid being alone after she leaves, be around friends, family or out in public. Find some activities.
    You can do this.
    Tannhauser likes this.
  9. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

    Yes, there certainly is, I'd say it's not even much different from "normal" HOCD. In fact, during my HOCD times I never thought I didn't like girls anymore much.

    What you write sounds much like HOCD to me. Porn can mess yourself up a lot. The thing is, can you imagine being in a relationship with a guy, or at least falling in love? If this isn't the case, and it's just about sex, it's not real I suppose.

    A change in my mindset - looking for love, not sex - was what helped me overcome HOCD in the end. You already are in a relationship. Accept that you committed yourself to it. You might wish to experiment with sex every now and then, but acting it out will never make you feel satisfied. You know how different sex in your fantasy is from real life. When I struggle, I think about what it would actually mean for my fantasy to become real - including all the consequences - and I come to the conclusion that there really isn't any point in it.

    Keep trying. You can do it.
  10. apostolov

    apostolov Fapstronaut

    I cannot imagine myself being with a man. I don't even feel the need to sexually experiment to be honest. I wanna thank you all for helping me I have been meditating and keeping it ok for the last two months now but these last few days I lost my grip on things.
  11. sounds Like Homosexual OCD. I had that some time ago. It was a hell. I overcame it when I realized it was Anxiety.
  12. davidx

    davidx Fapstronaut

    Here is an edited quote from me that I posted in another thread. Look at this a little more logically..

    “So I have been around for many years with a 37 year PMO addiction- the new argument is basically - it’s OK - just accept that you’re gay..

    Well I can tell you honestly my first sexual experiences when I was ateenager were with mostly boys but I am not gay. Over the years Of viewing porn and my PMO addiction I have M to Gay , Bi, shemale and all kinds of other porn mostly relating to female Porn but I have had my experiences with these genres....

    When you associate a particular genre or gender to orgasm. It sticks with you. O is very powerful and the dopamine hit with PMO is very powerful- these images don’t just disappear from our minds. So it’s easy for them to pop back into our brains the same way any other memories would. But they can trigger some sexual excitement because A. They are sexual in nature obviously B. We have associated O with this type of thing and C. The dopamine and other hormonal and chemical responses can be associated to those thoughts / memories.

    Keep in mind this activity has a powerful ability to associate arousal through thoughts and memories/fantasies with the PMO experiences in spite of any other relationships or real sexual activity we may be in or are having.

    It doesn’t make you gay any more than craving a vegetable when you are hungry makes you a vegan.

    You have put this shit in your head and you have these experiences as part of your overall sexuality - it is part of your experience and life. But it doesn’t make you gay. This idea of if you are having “gay” thoughts so you must be gay is not accurate- you have associated a specific sexual genre to orgasm and have had sexual experiences through PMO that have turned on that switch. So in my opinion what you should accept is the responsibility of your mind and the things you let influence it. Accept the fact that you may have these thoughts but you don’t have to wrestle with them. See them for what they are. Sexual images and PMO experiences you opened yourself up to and your mind associated the sexual rush and release of O with these things so it’s just an understandable response for you to feel this way and have these tboughts or fantasies, etc.

    If you have no real romantic attraction to men then that is ultimately your answer. IMO

    Good luck.”

    I believe being gay is as much a choice as anything else. Yes some people may be more likely to walk that path but I am speaking from some personal experience. As stated my first sexual experiences when I was a teen were with boys more than girls. I have never considered myself gay or Bi and after those experiences as I got older I really wanted girls sexually and males had no appeal to me... the thought of actually doing anything sexual with a man has no appeal to me at all. I have used those forms of porn to masturbate but that is more escalation and the next rush dopamine fix etc.

    Anyway- just some thoughts. Just accept the fact that you have opened up yourself sexually to this genre and it WILL impact your thinking. If you don’t want to be gay then don’t be ... don’t obsess about it just take responsibility for your mind. Just my opinion but I assure you I’m speaking from very real experience.

    Again good luck!
    Tiger uppercut! likes this.

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