cant forget my ex even after nearly 6 years

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by vercent99, Apr 24, 2020.

  1. Let me tell you something, my friend.

    This is man to man talk.

    If you want someone to give you the straight dope, I will.

    The fact is that PMO use is how we, as addicts, escape from the pain.

    Yes, we do escape from it, but the more we escape, the worse it gets.

    What is the solution, when life has gone to hades in a hand basket?

    We have to have courage and strength.

    When we feel those emotions or have those life problems,

    we face those things head on.

    And the more you feel that pain and face those problems,

    you will get stronger.

    The fact is, the way that iron sharpens iron, is how a man becomes stronger.

    That pain is there to MAKE you stronger.

    So you feel it, and it won't kill you.

    Then it comes back, but it's a little weaker, just a little.

    Feel it again, no PMOs, take all the pain.

    Cry if you have to, do push ups, cook a steak, but you cannot hide.

    Then the pain goes away, but comes back,

    who is now a shadow of what it once was,

    and you brace yourself, for....

    that? It was hardly at half strength.

    But see, the pain didn't changed.


    Get it?
    matt2k12 and vercent99 like this.
  2. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

    My ex recently posted a dance video, and I was enamoured. But I said to myself, if she doesn’t care, why should I fuckin care??
    So why are you still fuckin caring mam?!!

  3. My friend I can relate to this as of last year. I've been threw a similar relationship and it ended badly but instead of ghosting I was just making things worse then they are. I knew I wasn't good enough for her or I was too good for her by god telling me that. I was confessed to and then had a promise broken between the two of us. I knew it wasn't my fault.. I believe its not yours either from what I read in your post. I wished for a while that her and her current boyfriend will brake up in a way.. I just feel betrayed to this day. She is engaged now and I don't care at what happens in that relationship if it goes bad.. Its hard to get over but with another day you will think less and less.

    Woman are very very picky. Almost to the point where if they sense something off about you. They will move onto the next guy this day in age or they are just looking for traits that will suit them.

    It looks like she lost interest or she just didn't care anymore. From how she avoided your questions to hang out which hurts even more. I know that feeling. Your male friend was onto something there because if they don't reply what so ever they are not worth replying back to. Did you at all ask what was wrong that time with her or ask can we come to a mutual understanding? Ghosting flat out sucks and it hurts way way more I believe then a response.
  4. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

    you are right, and i always thought i was so mentally strong, i have now realized that this is not true and that i need to work on that. I shouldn't stay sad from things that happened years ago and i shouldn't use PMO to get temporary pleasure, its no different than someone who uses heroin to get temporary happy
  5. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

    my ex was posting videos on snapchat going on with 3 guys, slight time after saying she was currently busy to go out. and posting pictures with other dudes. one of my siblings who was in her same school, said she kissed someone else in class, and said that i (me) should leave the country and that she hates both of us. i have no idea how she could say such things about me, i have been loyal, even to more extent than i should. I never even went out with other girls as friends, maybe like once or twice in years. I always the one to initiate conversations, she only did that on my birthday, wtf ! it was never like that before, in the beginning she always wanted to go out with me. I am yet to know what i did wrong, but i was tired of feeling not loved, so my best friend said if she doesnt hit u up by herself so i did that. Not even a question mark from her
    thinking_differently likes this.
  6. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

    im sorry to hear that man, i hope its better now. no, i dont have any explanation from her and that is a big impact from why i cant move on easily, like one forum member said here, i agree totally

    but i want to say one thing, im not sure if i was clear in my original post but i dated this girl twice. in the first time she was so interested in me and always going out, and she was the one asking. i felt very loved by her. After a few months i felt no spark anymore, i dont know why, so we slowly stopped speaking. Even in the first time we dated, i was always the one to initiate conversations, but after initiating normal conversation, she always initiate to go out with me. So when i felt no spark anymore, from talking daily, went to once a week, then stopped. All conversations started by me, so when i stopped initiating, she still didnt initiate to see why i dont talk. So there already she showed not much interest i felt like. Then after few says i saw her say on a story that she will do revenge, but i ignored it because i thought this is just like girl moment from being angry

    Then like months later i started missing her and feelings again, but no contact still. Then in my courses outside school i met a girl in class who always kept staring at me, so i went to her and said hi whats ur name and stuff like that. we became friends, i wasnt really attracted to her first. But step by step she kept being more touchy to me and it felt good, she said after 2 weeks if i have a GF, I said no i broke up few months ago, she said by her or me, i said by me. She said are u ready yet for a new relationship i said im not sure yet, but we finally exchanged numbers and she always put my name with a heart emoji in her phone, i acted like i dont saw it. At this moment nothing is official yet but im getting feelings for her. And since in my courses many people from my school was there, the rumours of this new relationship went around the school and my female best friend said that my ex got very jealous when she got told this and that she still has feelings for me and wants to get back with me and that i should talk to her. So now i was very confused and between two girls that both i have some feelings for

    again im the one to initiate conversations with her but always so dry answers and she posting photos going out with boys but when i say it, she giving excuses like studying or exams but somehow can go out with other girls and boys. i felt really betrayed and asked my male best friend advice, he said she wasting ur time just stop talk for 1 week, if she doesnt initiate conversation, just leave it. She didnt even ask anything so i left it at that. Later one of my siblings said to me that she kissed a guy in class and say she hates us and i should leave the country wtf, i cried that day. Then i said to the other girl ok im ready to have a relationship im over my ex and she giggled and had contact for like 2 weeks then in the vacation she ghosted me out of nowhere and also posting pictures holding hands with another guy. And blocked me on instagram and whatsapp but i quickly got over this girl, but the initimacy gave me temporary pleasure. now 6+ years girl i didnt fall in love with any girl anymore. but i am still attracted to girls

    sorry for long post
  7. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

    Oh my God!
    Man That Explains your predicament..

    IMPORTANT TO NOTE: When u r in a “relationship”, everything seems nice, u accept her flaws and all. THIS IS AN INDICATION of your loyalty and being genuine. But When ITS OVER, it feels very weird: the person u were soo intimate to, suddenly gets pushed a mile offf... And u realise you shouldn’t have talked to her(this happened with me yesterday, I tagged a few ppl om Insta and she replied..) Conversation gets really weird really quickly..

    So you have had to suffer not talking at all. So that’s very hard. I had to bear the HUGE anger and weirdness, Being neglected..
    So my point: There’s gonna be pain anyway.. BREAKUPS HURT..

    Now some outside opinion to your mind:

    She Is a FLOP in life. By hearing what she did, she just hurt you real bad and She should not have at least claimed being your GIRLFRIEND. Because brother, she wasn’t.. U certainly did your best, But she just wasn’t worth it.

    Boy Just let It go, she used u. Be careful on ur next one.
    She ain’t worth another minute of thought.


    vercent99 likes this.
  8. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

    sad truth and i know it but everytime the memories come back. even if i am free for a few days it eventually comes back. i forgot all past crushes, why not this ex! i even get triggers from seeing her name online or girls that look like her, its like my heart stops a second (in real life) i can feel it, and then theres a rush of past memories. Also in my last reply here to another person i explained my whole situation which involved another girl, so u can understand my whole situation because i may have missed some keypoints. i really appreciate your kind words and i hope i can get past it, but it feels like an eternity already
    thinking_differently likes this.
  9. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

    Perhaps she was physically attractive, very.. and otherwise lemme say this: She was a worthless, pieec of crap.. That’s not what a girlfriend is! That’s LUST, NOT LOVE.

    Thats why u have boners on her..
  10. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

    i mean, almost all my friends said she was ugly but for me, i am confused. sometimes i think she has an attractive face, her body was normal no big boobs or ass, i just felt a spark while looking in her sparking eyes and her soft cute voice but then also sometimes her face seemed below mediocre.

    you know how people say love makes you blind and ignore flaws? i think due to the past stuff that happened i kept switching between love and not love because of the actions so sometimes she would be attractive and sometimes not anymore.

    but i want you to know, i dont date someone from how they look like. if i was to date someone because they are hot, i would have dated a new girl already because so many girls are attractive and i consider those only crushes. but this girl i felt a spark that i never felt, so i knew it was love. i dont get how anyone looks, as long as their face is at least mediocre, but i must feel a spark of love naturally. i dont look for big boobs and big butts and date those girls, although i like to PMO to it. but i know its not reality hence why i am not like that in real life
    thinking_differently likes this.
  11. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut


    vercent99 likes this.
  12. You aren't any weaker or stronger than anybody else who is struggling to get days.

    But the point is that if you feel sad, just BE SAD.

    Because sadness, depression, or negative emotions don't kill people.

    And also, they go away.

    Faster they recede, in a streak, I promise you.

    Keep fighting. You got this.
    vercent99 likes this.

  13. That's really rough my friend. At first I was thinking that you could of just asked her what was going on or that you wanted the full story to put it at ease, you know one more good talk? Or had a friend messaged her at least saying you just want one more good talk for a closer.

    It really really sucks especially when they start to ghost ignore you and brag about being with other guys. I did not know of this revenge thing? What do you think she meant by that exactly? Mostly the way you describe how she is acting.. Is that she does not care about you my friend. Think about it. I mean she is moving on already and of course its more easy for woman apparently to do so.

    Lastly have you tried listening to subliminal's for texts or anything? They have worked for me in the past and I get results especially text messages from ex's surprisingly or long lost friends who have ghosted "ignored " me as well.. If you want I can post one that has worked for me in the past and currently.
    vercent99 likes this.
  14. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

    since this was a long time ago i do not have the messages anymore because i have a new number and new phone, i also dont have any social media because i kept looking at our old pictures or her new ones so it was best for me to stop, and i havent craved making new social media accounts. I also im not at school anymore, but i was actually very paranoid because every status or caption she posted i was looking for a subliminal message

    i do remember a few instances, towards the end of our first relationship i did ask her one time if she was in love with someone else, and she said no. I didn't just put this statement out there, the conversation lead there naturally

    one time she was posting like some depressed stuff on the status so i told her what's going on, i'm here for you; stuff like that, i was actually worried for her since she never looked sad in person. but she said "no nothing" so i dont know if that was for attention or if she was sad really why dont you want to tell me why. I asked like twice and she said nothing so what else could i do

    towards the end of the second relationship she blatantly switched her profile picture and it said something about getting over someone so i said to my female bestfriend wtf is this and she said its probably just about an ex, then she said she had several exes (something i never knew till the end of our relationship, she was new to our school ), i said how many? she laughed and said i dont know which number you are, and that she had a relationship with one guy recently before i got with her, who left her, so this made me feel like she used me to get over an ex. Anyways i clearly didnt think any of this is funny and my friend noticed so her tone changed and said they didnt speak a long time anymore because their friends have some problems with each other (odd reason..)

    but if you meant something else with subliminal messagges i am open to it! and thanks for the replies, it feels good to get this stuff off my chest which i never told anyone

    i never had any relationships before these two girls, only had a few crushes thats it. This was the first time i actually felt in love

  15. Dude.... That irritates me that your friend said which number you are? That actually makes me think she doesn't care enough. After reading your last paragraph about her "Ex's" she definitely has a problem. Especially with what she said about the "problems" and said nothing? That's definitely a attention graver. She may be keeping secrets locked up or something like that. I feel like she wasn't worth it at all man. I felt love the first time I had first relationship and I realized I wasted so much energy on the after part of it. It seems you pour more love out but that's because you care. when men fall in love with woman its like an extra amount of dopamine is unlocked. I don't understand how woman get over so quickly. If someone isn't thinking the same then its time to let that person go and explore until you find that right somebody. Unless you have had a talk and you can get a understanding for each other my friend. You hold memories of course and they last.

    Sure this is the one I am actually listening to. I haven't had anything lately but it has worked in the past. I may try and listen to it over night tonight then that might be it.

    I can give you my youtube name in a pm because I've documented that it works.

    vercent99 likes this.
  16. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

    I know exactly how you feel my friend. I sometimes think about my ex from 7 years ago as well. Sometimes the bond and chemistry you build with someone gets embedded in your head. You start to re-live the moments in your head especially when you are single and have nothing going. My ex is now married with 2 kids and the funny thing is she lives on the next street across from me. I sometimes see her going for walks and it sometimes bugs me thinking that why can't that me who settled down with her.

    I feel like it's the loneliness that triggers these moments. You have to surround yourself with people and be outside of the home as much as possible. I know its hard as I spent most of my time at home as well.
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  17. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

    thank you a lot man! with each and every single piece i remember of what she did, i wonder how can i even be sad. it is because my mind is making excuses a lot for her, like "maybe she was shy" or "maybe it is your fault for doing so and so" or "what if you did this instead of that" and so on. once i can master the act of stopping this, everything will be fixed. and also having a new girl in my life yes but i will let that come naturally i am not in a hurry

    thank you for the video i will listen to it !

    thank u for the reply! about your ex, sorry i dont know what to say, moving to another house is not the easiest thing to do and not everyone wants to do that if they can, but i hope u will the strength to overcome this feeling!

    yes loniness can be a large factor and i havent been to school for several years because i switched to homeschool so i lost contact with almost all friends so i have only been at home playing games with online friends, and my only friends left they went to different universities internationally so contact is limited

    i have seen the 2nd girl last year and we had 1 second eye contact and both moved on, i was walking with my mom and she was walking with a friend, she also lives around 5 mins away from me but i never seen her other than that thankfully.

    it will always be akward to get in contact with exes unfortunately
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2020
    Mtrd7 likes this.
  18. Mtrd7

    Mtrd7 Fapstronaut

    You are definitely not alone vercent99.

    Woman can be

    Look. This thread its so big so I just read some parts.
    The love-heroin addiction is an interesting concept
    Facing the loneliness of quarantine like a lot of you guys...
    I am remembering my ex every single day, context part, she broke up with me 7 months ago saying she would do a trip to see her family in USA then called me, on Christmas telling she would live there (Im from Brazil), this moment I cried more then ever, and discovered she was already cheating on me before that day... 2 years of relationship, not even a goodbye I had, she never came back.
    Thanks I dealt with fapping issues Im something like 170 days pmo, but now 24/7 alone, its driving insanity. My ex had cruelty like yours(if you still consider her an gf) in the end, but she was indeed a love and the moment I stop at home, the thoughts come back my brain mutilating himself with lovely memories of happiest moments. Never got close to mo again, but we keep remembering things in a harmful way...
    The not so close to end quarantine makes it really hard to believe any of us will have healthy relations soon :(
  19. Yes, I get that.

    I was divorced in 2017. I fought with bitter loneliness for probably 2+ years.

    I got my first long streak and reboot in the beginning of 2018.

    At night, I used to come home and cry, sometimes at the brink of suicide.

    But I kept working on my reboot.

    In my reboot, I found that I had goals and purpose.

    These things don't automatically kill off the loneliness,

    but what eased the pain was that women were getting interested in me.

    That's because I had lost my weight, I had worked hard at piano, and other things.

    Focusing on your skills and goals is what heals it.
  20. Yes man no problem. If she isn't sad about you then its not worth it to waste valuable time with that I believe. If she isn't giving the opportunity to chat with you its not worth chatting with her. I don't like the sound of her from what you were saying man to be honest. Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. It seems she had you and then just let loose near the end like you were nothing.

    The last relationship that I had. If she ever made another account and started to just even say "hi". I would give her an essay and say I'm literally done with you. I have realized in the end it wasn't my fault. It seems like were not the culprits here. Look up to the future and maybe pray possibly? You will heal over time and maybe in the future you will meat somebody even better then her.
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