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Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by blademaster87, Dec 30, 2019.
@blademaster87, what have you learnt from your experience?
I have learned to question my feelings... Sometimes we create a bunch of things in our heads that simply do not exist. And to keep things more to myself, the hardest part was putting out these feelings to the world, it created an avalanche of events that caused me a lot of pain.
Why is love like that? Why when you truly love someone you get treated like that? And then we get called creeps and jerks who don't know how to treat women!!!!
Even if it's going to make us stronger, it's not what our heart desires.
I honestly believe that porn addiction leads to women addiction. I'd obsess over women that I think are 'perfect' whenever I was in pmo mode, but after a few days off pmo I feel like those obsessions were stupid. I'm not sure why pmo has these weird effects on men, but its definitely not good.
Still thinking about her... Never looked her up on the internet again (completely abandoned social media), but did saw her on the street last week. Sometimes it feels like the crush will never go away. It's been more than 3 years. The limerence isn't fading away.
Go to a local codependency anonymous meeting. Or maybe look up the word codependency. Some characteristics is giving someone a god-like pedestal, glorifying someone and ignoring their flaws, depending on someone for good feelings. It could give you a start to changing this behavior if you think you need change.
its even worse when you know them
please check out the book below. I believe it may prove relevant to your own situation.
Hey Dex, if this is of any use to you, I went through a similar thing. I " fell in love" with my teacher. I remember I was remorseful and visibly cold around here because I hated having positive feelings for her. The truth in my case was that she fulfilled something in me that no one else was fulfilling in my life, true acknowledgement and connection. She acknowledged my personality, my interests, my presence, my opinion, boom, it was like I suddenly mattered. What I hated was how a feeling of romance bubbled up in me after four months. I thought it was inappropriate, what would the people say, etc. I graduated with her hating my guts, no surprise because I was a difficult student. I came back to the school a year later after a visit, and she was okay with talking to me. She gave me a chance to speak.
This is where I pause. In this first college year, what fixed me the most was meeting and connecting with new people, and, I kid you not, promptly forgot about her in three years. The more prevalent my connections in life, the less she came up. The more crushes I had, the less she came up, until she stopped coming up in my memories. She was replaced.
I continue now. I was so embarrassed, I wrote it in a phone. I said I acted up because "I thought I was in love with you" . She responded " Ok, you know, it happens. I remember one of your classmates asked me out after graduation, he asked if I was single" . My dude, she implicitly compared to a guy who was an absolute horndog, made all kinds of s*x jokes, humped the floor, the desks and his male friends. That was when I knew that she never acknowledged my feelings as real, and that the conception I had of her, a complete mature woman, was absolutely flawed. Years later upon reaching her age, I can't help but thinking she was a little dumb for that, and that she was also an ignorant 26 year old, but I let it go. After that, I promised to stick to girls born between 1988 and 1996.
Thank you Renorylok.
I am 48 years old and have been a Limerent my entire adult life. I am remarkably inexperienced in sexual matters. Since I turned 40 I have become more direct and honest with women. If I find a woman attractive I ask her out. Or at the very least I express my feelings for her to her face.
But nothing has changed. I am rejected out of hand every time. On occasion the object of my affections has even suggested that we merely be friends. What a horribly degrading emasculating thing to say! I have in the past even acceded to such demeaning requests. Only to end up having insult added to injury. Which led only to total humiliation.
That is how it has been for me comrade My addiction to PMO addiction thus becomes understandable. But not acceptable! Thank goodness I am middle aged. Otherwise I might become enamoured of the INCEL movement. Which is an insane and disproportionate reaction to rejection. Please check out my blog "Dexter's Journey" if you want to find out more of my back story.
In the meantime take care my friend and good luck.
Thanks Dexter, go live your best life. If it helps a little, one of the things that help me now are Kevin Samuels and Aba and Preach. Although I don't agree with what Kevin says, he does share how a male can become competitive and marketable in the dating space and what delusional women to avoid. Aba and Preach speak to developing good values and finding people with those, as well as how to detect warning signs. Wish you the best, man. I also recommend Andre the black nerd because the guy has a segment called awkward talks with girls, and I finally learned how to start developing game with women. I even image train scenarios with girls to ask them out, non-obsessively of course, moreso for fun of getting the hang of it.
I’ve read your story and it seems like maybe you’ve guys had a connection almost?
When you get back to the University I would suggest continue doing your own thing and focus on you’re career. Putting your self out to her more is just going to make it be more awkward none the less that she blocked you. It’s usually when they have no hard feelings and don’t care anymore.
Unless. Scenario A.
You see her and by gods glory you walk up to her as the good man you are and ask her your self why she did it? Then just apologize and walk away. If she has any further explanations, she will give you them.
Buddy a friend has told me this and it has worked, but focus on your self and don’t even think about Woman for a while, maybe a gal will pop in your life.
2 years later...
That would be like getting off of the whole bloody awkward story it has become. I'm still in university and still see her, but just pretend I don't know her and get away from her presence. Thx for the input!
All women are tools and aare nothing special or unique you would probably disagree concerning your uh gf but you trained your brain to be tied in amusement towards her
You really only tricked yourself there so this is your problem bud. All of the people here will try their best to get your approval rather than tell you the truth
Yours is the voice of reason Comrade. You have only said what everyone else, including myself, had not the courage to do. We need to demystify women. They are only flesh and blood like men. They defecate, urinate and behave as badly, and some times a lot worse, than men do. They build up our hopes then feel omnipotent when they reject us!
I was in a relationship for a year back in 2013. When we eventually broke up, I realized that she was not much affected by the breakup as much as I was. She basically told me to "Move on, forget what happened between us", but I was emotionally devastated back then. I cried myself to bed every night for atleast 6 months. I missed her so much. Flash forward today, I still miss her companionship and presence from time to time, especially because I am going through a crisis of loneliness since a few months and have had no one talk to. So like you said sometimes it helps to demistify but sometimes it becomes hard, especially when you had a deep connection with that person.
we all long for love, fidelity and above all exceptionalism. By 'exceptionalism' I mean our need for someone to deem us exceptional and indispensable to them. But this is rarely the case for anyone. Yet this overwhelming need to feel exceptional and indispensable renders us befuddled and on occasion utterly insane. Many stalking cases, which one often reads about, prove this to be true.
What therefore is the remedy? We must be ruthlessly honest with ourselves and the objects of our affections. Romance, or at least the expectation of it, must be removed, I'm afraid, from the equation. If a woman is not prepared to treat us with respect, kindness and basic decency then we must sever all interactions with her. Even if she is beautiful it does not matter. Our self respect and our good names are paramount. Fantasy relationships tend to lead to humiliation and shattered expectations. I know this from bitter personal experience. Even if we are perceived as being boors and sore losers we must apply a "no contact rule." How many tragedies, imprisonments and hospitalizations would therefore be avoided? A great many I would assert!
I am no admirer of the INCEL movement. I condemn all violence, not just against women, utterly. However, we all have the right to self-defense regardless of who attacks us. With regards to the INCEL movement I have a grudging respect for them. Behind all the deplorable misogyny they spew, there is an undeniable lack of false gallantry about them. They don't put women up on pedestals. Which is probably the only point on which I agree with them.
Take care everyone!
You have helped me a great deal by exactly saying the thing which I subconsciously desired without me knowing it which is "exceptionalism". I know that I must take the hard truth to the heart even if it sounds bitter. That self respect and self worth is the first thing which we must ultimately preserve, its way precious to lose it, much precious than our virginity. I must learn to embrace this truth no matter how it makes me feels. In the long run I'll learn to slowly live with it. I am so sorry to hear that you too had a bad personal experience as well and its great to know that you have started to take the advised remedy to heart and that it has helped you. I will do my best to stay strong and will eventually conquer my loneliness one day. Thanks a bunch for your advice mate
The retarded women in this society literally get their ego boosted from having mindless stupid *** faggots worship them and tell them how "BEEEWWWWTAAAYYFULL" and "OH SO SWEET AND HOTTT!!!" they are its annoying. Their ego gets boosted as much as the east is from the west or as much as the heights of the sky from the depths of earth are distant
Everytime I tlak with these *** and a female enters the room, BOOM their eyes are set on the female they automatically switch to tunnel vision to her and its so gay and pathetic such faggot retards i hate them i'd just leave the room at that point. Then they look at me and go "WOWZERS THATS WUUUUUDE!!!!!"
Or they start acting all weird and different trying so hard to impress this pathetic retarded woman and you can see it its like a king just stepped in the room and off they go, theyare such CUCKS i hate THEM I HATE THEM I HAAAAATTE THEEEEMM