Can't get him out of my head

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Fighter_4_life, Jul 31, 2020.

  1. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone..
    This is the most important support system I have got in my life right now..
    And since probably I am not gonna sleep tonight (at least not early) so it is better I rant all my thoughts to clear my head...

    So i kinda was depressed to begin with coz of academics and other stuff and then I kinda liked someone..Actually my friends convinced me he also likes me a lot and that he really cares about me.. I didn't date him but really loved him only to discover that he is into all sorts of addiction and multiple flings with women and he most likely wanted the same from me and I couldn't explain how hard it was for me to absorb that the person I love objectified me and most probably wanted to exploit me...It just activated all my fight or flight circuitary at one.. I was too attached to this person to give him up on him, to accept the truth, my mind was always backward rationalizing the evidence and on the other hand I was scared as hell of getting exploited by him..
    I was a chaos myself fighting myself
    This really put me into this mo addiction in the first place and stupid masochistic disorder.. I wasn't an addict before I loved him.. I was fine little bit depressed but okay.. After this incident I was diagnosed with severe Ptsd
    I really cut my contacts with him after knowing about his deeds and he kinda gaslighted me.. His friends bullied me for kinda not accepting his proposal.. Like very much straight for a month.. This made my recovery worse
    I confided this thing to two of my female friends only for them to be friend the guy i like few months later and blaming me for breaking his heart (like seriously)..
    And the one who initially told me about this guy, how madly he loved me showed no remorse for making me fall for the bad guy.. And off course later on she befriended him..
    I mean seriously how can a girl stoop this down..
    This event took place early 2019
    And i have went on healing process slowly
    I don't love him
    I am over codependency
    I am over his fear
    I am over anger towards him
    But i still Ruminate I am always thinking about him... How long it will take..?
    How long will I get over this pain?
    And how
     
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  2. OoMahidoO

    OoMahidoO Fapstronaut

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    Hey fighterr, i think this it is normal to have crushes and like someone or love, but it can't always be your heart making these decisions, you have to think from your brain if this is the right guy, or if this guy is worth to be your future, not for time pass of course. Honestly i clicked on this thread as soon as i saw it lol cuz this relates to me so so much, its long story but i did love someone, still do i guess, its too much mixed feelings now, but we dont talk anymore, and i feel less a burden if you ask me :) i still think about her, i still do feel something, but it can't work so its better to move away, but it'' take a few month i guess for you comparing to me i had crush on her for 3 years, yep, and also did get hurt alot and its almost like im tired of it, i hope you understand, it will go away, nothing last forever, and i now believe this :)
     
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  3. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

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    I know I should really consider my minds advice but it was the first time I loved someone and I really messed it up I didn't pay attention to the warning signs..
    I also hope that.. The sad part is that it really messes up my recovery and academics and that acts as a negative feedback loop..
    It is so bad and I hope to recover as soon as possible...
    In one month the uni will end and most probably I will never see him again in my life (which will be a conscious decision) and my toxic friends
     
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  4. OoMahidoO

    OoMahidoO Fapstronaut

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    First love or second, if that guy has wrong intentions, he gotta go, not your fault, love, crushes, pain,is part of life, deal with it :) And try to make better friends, im sure it'll be easy for you, or just be alone, no friends better than fake ones, take it easy sis :)
     
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  5. HornyChang

    HornyChang Fapstronaut

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    I know the pain far to well, it wasnt until I started loving myself that it went away. When you love yourself, you feel complete and don't need anyone to feel happy. Happiness comes from within. If you dont want to take that route which I believe is the best thing you can do for yourself.

    Time will make the pain go away and also finding someone who loves you for you. You have only him right now but if you meet more people you find out that there is way better people out there for you.
     
  6. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

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    Happiness comes from within.
    Same happened here... I left my codependent nature because I learned to love myself more than others ;)
    Hopefully soon but right now i am juat focused on my career, self improvement and reboot. I am building my own empire right now
     
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  7. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

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    That is something I definitely gonna try in future....
    Thanks for the advice... Couldn't sleep last night but today I decided to leave past in past and be my best version
     
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  8. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    I pray that you find your peace of mind. I can probably say that I almost fell in love on multiple occasions but I managed to friendzone myself before everything went down. There was this very nice girl that I wanted to be with in the end but she was 1)Non-Muslim 2) I had to stop myself from talking to her because it only made things on bad terms between me and Allah. At that time, I chose to please Allah rather than pleasing anyone, even myself. Now, here I am. Waiting, thinking and planning. Wonder if I'll ever be able to apologize her for what I have done to her. She probably resents me now because she had actual romantic feelings for me. But it is what it is. Time to think ahead and become better, stronger and aim to please Allah more than ever. And obviously, time to let go of the past but it's I realize that it's a very hard thing to accomplish, but it can be accomplished.
     
  9. All For One

    All For One Fapstronaut

    Okay idk how you did it but you sound exactly like you're describing me because what you described- down to the timeline- is exactly what I did to someone. If your name starts with "H", message me.

    If you're not that person, good luck and I hope you get through this. Seriously.
     
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  10. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    Ah shit boi. I hope you're being wrong about all this.
     
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  11. All For One

    All For One Fapstronaut

    Actually, I am too. It was fun while it lasted but I don't think I handled it correctly.
     
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  12. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

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    I guess if you ended things with her on good terms she should be fine.. At least you weren't stringing her along if you knew in the end you can't marry her (even if you want to)... Feelings die down maybe soon maybe late.. And you both will get some good spouse in future if allah wills

    But my case is very different..

    This guy actually wanted to exploit me and it is only coz I was repeatedly praying istighara prayers that I got to know his hidden deeds..
    It just adds scare, trauma, anxiety to feeling of Betrayal and heartbreak..
    It amplifies it to great extent..
    I am into this addiction coz of him I wasn't an addict before( he was not me)... When i cut contacts his friends bullied me and tried to scare me.. I had nightmares straight for 1 month.. And was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder
    Ya sure brother with Allah's help every thing is possible even somethings that are impossible at first.. I really really wanna just heal my damaged pain and live the best life I want and please our creator no matter how much hardwork I have to put through in sha Allah
     
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  13. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

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    Oh common my name doesn't start with h lol.. And how do you know me.... I dont know.. It's 100% anonymous app.. Where do you live btw
     
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  14. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    Inshallah you will. Good luck.
     
  15. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    Germany, most likely. He's the legend of Hope brother.
     
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  16. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    Fun? You mean controlling people and exploiting them later was fun?


    And sorry for replying for you. Honest mistake.
     
  17. All For One

    All For One Fapstronaut

    No I don't think you understood me. I don't know you, but your experience sounds like EXACTLY what I did to someone in 2019. I was really, really shocked to read "ptsd" in there because that girl seemed to handle it with just tears and nothing else.

    I'm not gonna reveal my country, sorry. Your name doesn't begin with "H" anyway.

    But yeah- I hope you get through this.
     
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  18. Fighter_4_life

    Fighter_4_life Fapstronaut

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    You are scaring the hell out of me what letter your name begins with....
     
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  19. Thors

    Thors Fapstronaut

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    That's what I want to do.
    If my feelings die, I wouldn't care for her like I do now which is bad.
    I'm sorry to hear that. I pray Allah again to aid you in healing those wounds and scars. Keep up the good work, sister.
     
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  20. All For One

    All For One Fapstronaut

    Relax. "H" isn't a very common letter for names to start with so that's the identifier I chose to settle on. I suppose I could have asked for your age too, but that seemed more personal.

    We're done here. Don't you worry.
     
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