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Can't get it up for sex. Does avoiding porn or penis rings help with this?

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by nicknick16, Sep 8, 2021.

  1. nicknick16

    nicknick16 Fapstronaut

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    Hi! I joined this fantastic community today and firstly I have to say I never had any bad opinion about porn, and thought it was a way to discover new things that you would like in your sex life. But well, being a boy without sex for so many years and so much porn, escalating in intensity, penetrative sex ends up seeming very boring, and that becomes a big problem.

    Saying all that, I met this beautiful girl three months ago and well, we clicked a lot. She is a ray of sunshine honestly: funny, intelligent, affectionate, sexy, succesfull, forward, very open to any topic, sexual or not... the list could go on and on.

    After a lot of amazing dates, yesterday for the first time I went to her house.

    I didn't feel as much pressure like in other dates as we both like the same things in bed (BDSM) and she is very dominant, which I enjoy a lot, but I knew I was going to have problems to perform later. I was loving been spanked by her till she asked me to have sex. My guy didn't get much harder then or could maintain an erection, so I open up to her about how I feared sex because I was accustomed to a type of porn (specially cuckolding) and it's hard for me to get it up when I need it. Like I said, I am accustomed to a lot of sensations in porn and in the end the real thing it's like I am desensitized. The build up, the tension before, the shower afterwards... I could get an erection, but not when it was required.
    She understood all that and I got prompted to perform oral sex, so we both enjoyed sex still and cuddled a lot afterwards.

    But I still want to perform for her in bed obviously. Lately I've been avoiding all porn and specially the one I tend to consume (because I have less time for it also) but my libido has decreased as well, so I read here that's what's called withdrawal right? For some time I feared I had erectile disfunction for something physical, which is scary, but I think it's very much psycological.

    Honestly it's frustrating and I would like to redirect all my sexual energy to her and feel the same libido I used to feel when I was younger, before porn.

    The questions are: Does penis rings help in these cases? How much should I abstain from porn? Or if I should switch to amateur vanilla porn from time to time to get accustomed to the real thing?
     
    Kilrunio likes this.
  2. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    You should read Your brain on porn
    You should abstain from all pmo.
    Read everything you can about porn addiction.
     
    hope4healing likes this.
  3. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    For help with the PIED

    Evolution has not prepared your brain for today’s porn

    Porn FAQs

    Are my sexual problems (ED, DE, low libido) related to my porn use?

    Research confirms enormous rise in youthful ED

    Any suggestions for healing delayed ejaculation (DE) or anorgasmia?

    What do experts tell young guys suffering from ED (the good & the bad)

    see rebooting basics page

    What benefits do people see as they reboot?

    What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot (did I relapse)?

    Rebooting with a partner: What about sex?

    What do I say to my mate?

    Porn-induced ED: What do I tell my girlfriend?

    What if my partner is a porn addict?

    Does porn addiction cause irreversible damage to the brain?

    I think you should do a 90 day hardmode reboot before engaging in any more extreme fetishes or sexual themes besides plain old vanilla stuff. Porn twists your mind up a lot and can make you feel aroused or excited by things that make you feel shitty, are dangerous, or will negatively affect your normal life. Check out these articles for info regarding escalation and shifting sexual tastes.

    I’m straight, but attracted to transsexual or gay porn (or gay attracted to straight porn). What’s up?

    Is my fetish porn-induced?

    Why did my porn use escalate?

    Why is the idea of sexual variety so enticing?

    What are the symptoms of excessive Internet porn use?

    How is Internet porn different from porn of the past?

    I used to be heavily into sissy porn, and seriously thought the themes were something I should live out 24/7. If you know what it is, I'm terribly sorry. If you don't know what it is, DO NOT LOOK IT UP, but know that cuckolding is a huge part of it. To put it in a way you can understand,
    I was 100% certain I wanted to have my penis locked in a cage while some giant black guy had sex with my gf/wife, and then made me eat her out while fucking me in the ass, all while wearing her lingerie.
    . I was in really bad shape for a while.

    After doing a reboot and having a bona fide, caring relationship with a great lady, I now know I totally do not want to do any of that stuff. The thoughts still pop into my mind, but I am great at discerning what are my true sexual desires and what has been programmed in by porn. I've been where you are now, and my only advice is to do a reboot before going too far down any of the fetish routes or trying them with partners.

    Lmk if you have any other questions
     
    rebooter880 and nicknick16 like this.
  4. nicknick16

    nicknick16 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for all the links! Will read them to see how to overcome this problem.
    Though respectfully, I think that kinks can be healthy too in a relationship, is the abuse and need of a certain porn to be able to be turned on... that I think is the problem.
    I still am into sissy porn and cuckolding, or into black guys having sex with my gf, but yeah, that is what I am trying to avoid like the plague. I still think I want to be locked up by my gf and I think she very much likes the idea, and she is very caring too, we don't want a femdom porn scenario where she is a bitch to me xD
    "Porn twists your mind up a lot and can make you feel aroused or excited by things that make you feel shitty, are dangerous, or will negatively affect your normal life." Agree with you on that, specially with Femdom porn and the like, but it's very different to see it exagerated in porn, than doing it in real life with a consensual partner.
    But yeah, these days that I cut on all porn (maybe each three days I look a bit of porn where a single woman masturbates and I see that I have problems having an erection) I see that I feel with less energy and I have the urge. Will stay strong.
     
  5. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Just abstain from porn.. final. Eventually you will be able to perform in bed. How much can it take? it really depends on how much demaged your brain with porn.
     
  6. I agree, get away from porn completely. Hard mode might be the way to do it, since your sex life seems to involve many elements of fantasy that resemble the porn mindset. You will be amazed what normal “vanilla” sex is like when your brain is clear of that stuff. Good luck.
     
    nicknick16 likes this.
  7. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    I know that you're already involved in it, but pleeeeeease stop watching sissy porn. Do a hardmode reboot, don't use any of your fetish material, and have normal sex for a while afterwards. Try it out before going further into sissy stuff. It messes with your mind so much. Check out my story at Am I a Sissy?? (Actually a good story with happy ending, trust me, read the whole thing)

    I know you think it's healthy and fun, but it's dangerous af. Talk with your gf about it too. Often there is underlying trauma or insecurities when sissy porn is used. Please just try a hardmode reboot and have regular sex for a while
     
    nicknick16 likes this.
  8. nicknick16

    nicknick16 Fapstronaut

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    That was an amazing writing, glad you sorted that out. Yeah, I know I have underlying insecurities just like you had. Specially I suffer finding a job, so I think it's a way to escape my insecurities.
    Today I failed: I was feeling very sick yesterday and today looked at my usual porn but didn't masturbate at least :( Honestly, this is super hard. I think I should pospone this till I do my entrance exam at the end of this month, because I'm feeling like crap and can't concentrate at all -.-
     
  9. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Normally I tell people to just get over themselves and start the reboot, but they are honestly difficult as fuck and can really get in the way of your life for a couple weeks, especially the first 3. If you are finding the first hump difficult to get over while studying, I would suggest buying some lube from the store and MOing with no porn once when you wake up and once when you go to bed. You'll be fucking exhausted from all the MOing, and the lube will keep you from getting more deathgrip. It's better to MO then to look at porn.
     
    nicknick16 likes this.
  10. nicknick16

    nicknick16 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the tips! I didn't know also what was deathgrip, but I know now that I am guilty of it too, so lube it is.
     
  11. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    It just makes it easier to cum frequently while keeping your sensitivity. Honestly the first couple weeks are bad, but after that you go into the flatline and your sexual urges plummet and it's actually easier to get stuff done, so once you get past a couple weeks studying may get easier.

    Again, I suggest just starting the reboot and quit making excuses. Better to not half ass it. The heightened alertness and energy may make you a better studier if you channel it the right way (spending minimal time on computer/online, staying at school to study most of the day, only going into your room to sleep, etc.).

    Good luck!
     
    nicknick16 likes this.
  12. Chokejoke35

    Chokejoke35 Fapstronaut

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    No Porn, no Masturbation and Reading a lot on YBOP. Penis Rings could help for a few Seconds or even a few Minutes. But the only Thing you should do is to recover from Porn. Most likely its PIED.
     
  13. TantraMan

    TantraMan Fapstronaut

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    Cockrings won't get you an erection, it's just a gadget to make it stronger, but only when you're able to have it and keep it by yourself.
    For how long have you been dealing with these erection issues?
     
    nicknick16 likes this.
  14. nicknick16

    nicknick16 Fapstronaut

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    The first time I had sex, 3 years ago I did not get erect at all for vaginal penetration (but I achived it in a handjob) and I wasn't particularly turned on. It was super acwkard and since then I didn't have more sex till recently (indirectly for fear of that happening again I guess). Looking back, I was addicted to intense porn (femdom, feminization and the like) way before that, so yeah, didn't have much sensations for the real thing. Never had any issue with erections during masturbation to "my type of porn" but vanilla never does it for me (Vaginas are pretty, but do not excite me).

    Since Friday, I abstained from porn and masturbation and I am still managing pretty well. (And yeah, I have a cock ring that works to keep the erection better than expected, but does no miracles.)
     
  15. TantraMan

    TantraMan Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on managing being away from porn and compulsive masturbation, many people find it very difficult! But 3 years is long enough to completely recover from erection issues, what have you already tried so far?
     
  16. nicknick16

    nicknick16 Fapstronaut

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    Aside from stopping to look at porn and masturbating for now, I didn't do much else. Keeping the exercize I've been doing these past 3 months, focusing on studying and fill the remaining free time watching some comedy or playing the switch.
    I have a lot of morning woods recently, I guess for not masturbating. At times I can't help but fantasize about this girl though (I try to keep them to a minimum), like her playing with me, but I don't know if that counts as "fantasizing about porn" and should try to avoid those fantasies that fuel my arousal. Also, I don't know if I offer her to keep me in a chastity cage so that I don't masturbate, would that be counterproductive?
     
  17. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Do not use chastity cages. They are fetish items, and will only keep you in the cycle of porn addiction longer. THey can also condition you to not get erect when aroused.

    What about fantasizing during a reboot?

    In general, there is a distinction between having thoughts/urges and fantasizing. Urges are uncontrollable, intrusive, and get in the way of your life. Fantasizing is when you engage with those urges or set time aside to enjoy them. Fantasizing is counterproductive and will make your recovery much slower and harder. Try to figure out what counts as fantasizing for you and cut it out.
     
    Draguler1 and Psalm27:1my light like this.

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