Can't get past week before failing

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Mixtec, Jul 7, 2017.

  1. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    So I recently had completed a 30 day streak back in May-June. Ever since than I can't make it past a week. Ive relapsed the 1st time after day 7 and this time after day 5.

    I get these random urges and suddenly I just loose control at night. For the 30 days I was in a flatline so controlling the urges was easy. But now its like these are major urges that I just can't seem to get a grip on. I blame it on being lonely but I don't know why. I have a support group that I should call but I don't because it happens late at night.

    Even after I relapse the O is weak and doesn't even feel good. I'm going to seriously have to install p blockers and do one of those covenant eyes apps...I think it sends a report of your browsing history to an accountability partner. I tried setting the laptop out of my room but I wake up with a lame excuse to use it late night when I'm at my weakest and vulnerable state of mind.

    I am really an addict. I try to fight it everyday but apparently I can't make past the week mark now...I just don't want to keep using this as an excuse to give up.
     
  2. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Um, duh.

    I use Covenant Eyes and I swear by it. If you're serious about wanting to get some traction in your recovery, you won't make excuses for not putting it on your computer(s).

    Right now, you're like an alcoholic who's trying to stay sober while sitting in the middle of a bar where you get endless free drinks. And you're wondering why you keep relapsing.
     
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  3. Bel

    Bel Fapstronaut
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    It's taken my PA multiple attempts from 30 days clean a few times to weekly relapses back to 30 days. He's been at this for a year and a half but as of right now he's at day 69. He could fall again or he's fallen enough times he's actually tired of it.
    The moral of this story is just keep trying, you'll get there!
     
    SuperFan likes this.
  4. Estus

    Estus Banned

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    If that covenant eyes you keep hawking is so good why's your counter a big fat 0?
     
  5. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    First of all, mocking someone's Day Count is probably the most disrespectful thing you can do in these forums. If you're here, you know how hard this addiction is. Have some respect and learn to show your fellow addicts some fucking grace.

    And I just reset my counter because I'm looking to abstain from P, M, and O, altogether. I didn't relapse with porn, because I can't view porn ... because Covenant Eyes works fucking perfectly.

    Congrats on making my Ignore List.
     
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  6. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    Love that analogy you used about the alcoholic in the bar. It's definitely who I am except I'm willing to pay to O...thru the camsites.

    I am serious about overcoming this addiction. The 30 days made me feel the best I've ever felt (despite the depression) and I had clarity. Now I'm beginning to feel self pity and without purpose again.

    I am going to find someone trustworthy in my support group to do the covenant eyes with. I am sick and tired of this crap...
     
  7. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    I am also tired of it...sick and tired of it. It's not even enjoyable anymore because I feel disgusted at myself when I finish doing the act. It's all negative emotions regret, shame, self pity, and disgust. But the urges over take me that I can't seem to turn off the computer and walk away.

    Thank you for the words of encouragement. I'm going to keep trying no matter how long it takes to overcome this evil in me...
     
    Bel likes this.
  8. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    You can totally do this. It'll be the hardest thing you ever do, but it's worth it.

    Ideally, pick a few people. 2-4 is perfect. That way you have a small team supporting you, instead of just one accountability partner (sometimes APs can be flaky). I'd also make sure most of them are people you know in real life, not just online accountability ... it makes a huge difference if your APs are people who you'll actually see in the flesh. When it's a virtual stranger from online, it can be easier to shrug off or stop caring about.

    Best of luck, man! You're going to find Covenant Eyes to be a huuuuuge help to you.
     
    Bel likes this.
  9. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    So trying to make someone look stupid when they're seeking support isn't disrespectful at all?

    Then you block someone for calling you out on your bullshit?

    Fucking grow a pair and stop being such a hypocrite.
     
  10. JWwantsalife

    JWwantsalife Fapstronaut

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  11. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    I wasn't trying to make him look stupid. Even @Mixtec himself said that he loved the analogy. He certainly didn't think I was trying to make him look stupid.

    You know what I didn't do? I didn't shame @Estus for only having 5 days. Because that would make me a hypocrite.
     
    KrmGrn likes this.
  12. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    Great post man! Your right I ain't kidding nobody. Im only deceiving myself and I know it, thats my problem. I have to be stronger and be honest. I HAVE TO CHANGE
     
  13. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    Well the "um duh" was kinda mean lol but I ain't no punk :cool: :D so it didnt phase me. I'm glad tho you used the analogy because it gave me more to think about and motivate me to change
     
  14. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    I'm with you. When I PMO it is fun for about ten minutes. I keep going of course. The rest of the time is me feeling like a crazed animal with my mind on fire searching for the perfect image. When I finally O it is not even really pleasurable. And then almost immediately I am overwhelmed with shame and disgust.

    Objectively then it is insane that we'd do that. The good news is you can use this knowledge. Really think about this. Meditate on how you feel when you PMO. Also meditate on how you'd be and feel if you live a life free from PMO. Try to strengthen this reality in your mind. The reason is because ultimately each time we PMO we choose to. We do so because we see some good in it. But we've gotten our thinking about this perceived good all wrong. Or at least the brief good is dwarfed by the longer lasting shame. The strong the reality is in your mind the better for when the moments of temptation come. You can then immediately and strongly perceive the truth of the long lasting shame and maybe you'll make the right choice.

    I probably shouldn't wade into this but I think it was perfect. Sometimes we, or at least I, find approaches like that useful. Sometimes we need comforting and sometimes we need a gentle slap to bring us back to reality.
     
  15. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    Right now, I'm trying smaller goals for myself rather than saying "I'll never ever do it again." Even though that's the ultimate goal, that kind of mindset often backfires for me. I made it 20 days last month. My last streak was 7-8 days. I just reset and starting again. This time aiming for 2 weeks. That's just my approach right now. Whatever you do I think it's important (although difficult) to have compassion for yourself. Be able to forgive yourself when you slip up and then focus on the road ahead.
     
  16. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    I think you'll find your new approach much more helpful.

    I know a guy in SAA who always says, "My name is (name), and I've been sober for XX days ... but the only one that matters is today."

    Just take things one day at a time. You can get through the next 12 hours.
     
    KrmGrn likes this.
  17. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    You need a total mindset change. Make self-pleasure no longer an option. No more pleasuring yourself to porn stars/instagram or snapchat THOTs, or whatever.
     
    Mixtec likes this.
  18. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    Ive gotten rid of social media...just the porn junk is what I've been struggling with
     
  19. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Like I said. Make a policy change. If you're feeling the need, make sure it's a real live woman that does the job for you and not yourself.
     
    Mixtec likes this.

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