Can't have sex with my girlfriend

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by hugili, Jul 22, 2019.

  1. hugili

    hugili New Fapstronaut

    Hello everybody,
    First of all, i am 18, have been watching porn on a daily basis for 5 to 6 years and i have never had sex. Now the thing is i am in a serious relationship with my current girlfriend, we've been together for more than a year now. She too has never had sex. So we would like to do our first time together and we tried 2 times. The conditions were good i guess, we were alone and everything. When things get a bit hot i always had a boner but the problem is when i start foreplay, i am doing most of it and it makes me lose my erection ( quite strange ). The second time, she made me hard but the problem is that i lose my erection whenever i try to put a condom on. And it's just getting worse, i feel like i have a problem and it stresses me out, it makes me really anxious..
    i am looking for some advice, thanks in advance

  2. Chrissavage

    Chrissavage New Fapstronaut

    Same thing happened to me when I lost my virginity i went over her house with a full erection but wants we started to kiss and get close to each and on to sex i couldn’t get hard or keep it without oral sex it was embarrassing I know she didnt want to keep doing that either but my advice would it’s all from the porn just porn induced erectile dysfunction
    Cheeseeater, Nduli and hugili like this.
  3. Orpheus12

    Orpheus12 Fapstronaut

    This is my paralyzing fear. I’m 25, isolated virgin but trying to turn things around this summer. It’s a minefield. I considered anti-depressants to help me improve my sociability and avoid suicide but a side effect is ED! Then I thought, get the blue pill, but a side effect can be difficulty achieving orgasm. These are both fears.
    A) I won’t get hard, or will lose it when applying a condom
    B) I’ll get hard but then won’t be able to finish.

    I’m currently going for a week no PMO with one day behind me. Not only to counter a porn addiction but also my paraphilias. I want to first get to the stage where I am only masturbating to normal straight porn, then to no porn at all. This whole experience has had me questioning my sexuality, my ability to ever get a girlfriend, my ability to have any meaningful relationships with anyone, and whether I should end my life. Pornography is a cancer and there is so little support out there. NoFap is more important than it realizes.
    Cheeseeater and hugili like this.
  4. RalphMcDonald

    RalphMcDonald Fapstronaut

    This is common among most of the men. It can be an erectile dysfunction which is caused due to some unhealthy habits or physical, psychological factors. So it is better to seek medical advice, ask your doctor why this happens and what to do or else there are some ED medications like Super P Force, Sildenafil, Tadalis, etc available which helps to achieve and maintain an erection but it is necessary to take only after medical advice.
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2019
    hugili likes this.
  5. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

    Raw dog it. My first time with a girl i had anxiety and i didnt like the condom either it removes all sensitivity and its even worse when you use P on a regular basis. Pussy feels a million times better than your hand, i imagine youll go on a sex spree for a bit of time once you get that the first one out. Have fun enjoy it experiment but make sure both of you feel comfortable.
  6. GaryMayor

    GaryMayor Fapstronaut


    There is no easy solution, because you are already tense about sex (psychological aspect) and have desensitisation of your penis. You so much used to wank yourself that your little friend does not expect anything else. First girls I have regular sex with always finished myself by handjob or blowjob. I used to watch porn and masturbate, because why not? In consequence, I haven't ejaculation from penetration for many years. I had sex, yes, but never finished in it.When I decided to stop PMO and found amazing girl I started to gradually have better and better sexual life and started to have orgasm during intercourse. At the beginning only in my favourite position, after that in other and other again. I'll tell you one thing, man: it is totally worth it and much better than porn.

    You can achieve it as well. Everybody can, but it requires courage and determination. A few good advices to you:

    1. Stop this fucking PMO. Just stop this shit. Right? Your problems are mostly because of that at both psychological and physical level.
    2. Talk with her. A lot of boys masturbate and have problems after that, tell her you want her and she arouses you, but you need time to adapt to a new situation. If she's keeper then she'll understand :)
    3. Explore other ways of sexuality - why not to kiss her and lick her up? You can give her an amazing orgasm without using your penis. Frankly, a lot of women can't climax in vaginal sex, but why do we have oral?

    Wish you both all the best :) Remember, you can do it for her. Show her that you are a strong man, who isn't afraid of fight for a better future.
  7. Inkazak

    Inkazak Fapstronaut

    Wow. Horrible advice. DO NOT “raw dog” it unless you are trying to get pregnant.
    KMAN55 likes this.
  8. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

    Dudes a virgin thats never had sex. Fof his lifecthink its pretty importanf to get over that hump and enjoy his sexuality rather than waste his life masturbating.

    Women have a 1-3 day window they can get pregnant atatistically odds are slim. Not only that given his age if he were smart theyd probily freak out if he bust inside her and take the necessary precautions ergo plan b.

    I'm a realist and goal here to get him to lose his V card. Theyre both virgins so they should be fine against stds. Need i say more?
    alexg1709 likes this.
  9. Inkazak

    Inkazak Fapstronaut

    Yes - you do need to say more. For example, you can be born with some stds. You can get pregnant the very first time you have sex. Also, you are WRONG there are more like 6 days a week that he can get her pregnant. Stop spreading misinformation.
  10. userSCP

    userSCP Fapstronaut

    I have had sex be ruined by shitty condoms on MULTIPLE occasions, so don't feel bad. Also, many times, the girl is very nervous and doesn't lube up naturally well. Combined that with a virgin V... I really can't blame you for finding it hard to keep up, lol.

    1) Buy some water-based lube, and use it generously on her V. This will help "get it in."

    1.5) Having swiped a few V cards myself, don't be afraid to be a little aggressive with her when you do penetrate (and you will, don't worry). If you are too gentle, you won't break her hymen. Get this bloody affair out of the way, so you can enjoy some real pounding.

    2) For you, buy a variety of condom brands, and find one that works. Sometimes, you do get what you pay for, so spend on some premium product.
  11. smoke_ash

    smoke_ash Fapstronaut

    I had the very same problem first couple of times when I tried to have sex with my first girlfriend. It is absolutely ok and very very common thing caused by anxiety and pressure you put on yourself. You don't have an erectile dysfunction, relax. You're 18 and your sexual life is all ahead, just have some patience.
    Although it seems funny to me now 12 years later, but back then I was really stressed out and horrified that something is wrong with me. Here are some tips you could use.
    1. There are exercises suggested by phycologists to prove to yourself that your boner works just fine. You can find them in google. Basically you get an erection by touching yourself (not with porn or any pornographic phantasies preferably). Then you masturbate for a while, but don't orgasm. Let your erection fade away, then start again. This is intended to assure you that your penis works totally fine and you're gonna make it.
    2. Young girls like your girlfriend are terrified of having sex without a condom and that is ok. But for the first time you could try an alternative way of birth control. When I lost my virginity we used vaginal suppositories + interrupted sexual act (don't ejaculate inside). These 2 things combined will give her nearly zero chance getting pregnant. If you guys would be still paranoid about it, you can put on the condom after at least some first frictions, or when you feel you get closer to the edge.
  12. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

    Do not focus on how she is feeling or how she reacts, focus on how you feel and how you feel her body. Make it first about you enoying yourself then her
  13. Porn induced ED. Your brain has released so much dopamine to the fake shit of porn that you can't get off with real women anymore that easily. I need to say this man. Porn fucks you up. Destroys relationships, self confidence, family life, basically all the good things in life. You just can't get the same erection anymore unless you're doing something related to your porn induced fetishes. It's messed up honestly. I was having phone sex for the first time with my girlfriend. I had a boner in the beginning which fainted over time and i was trying to ejaculate for 2 hours I couldn't cum and I had to watch anal sex gif to get off while she was on call. It was fucked up. I can get erect pretty easily, im grateful for that. Im just suffering with porn induced fetish which are harmful to my self esteem and mind.
    porsche4life likes this.
  14. Honestly, you'll be fine in few months. Just throw porn off the charts. It's hard I know. I get these urges to masturbate to the fetishes I don't want to practice in real life. I get arousal too but I don't masturbate because if I keep doing that then my brain will think "Im cool with it and I can get aroused by this". If I don't masturbate my brain will soon realize that its no more getting pleasure from those thoughts or fetishes therefore, its time to remove it from the pleasure section.
  15. Embrace little moments with you girlfriend now. Go on dates, movies, walks. Your brain will rewire itself to get aroused by natural actions rather that extreme pornography.
  16. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

    I had the same problem when I was your age mate. It’s a bit of nerves. It took me lots of times to feel comfortable but once you do it you’ll be fine. Condoms are a mood killer. I know how frustrating it can be.

    My advice would be don’t put pressure on. Go into it with no intention of sex. Both get totally naked and just fool around and kiss. Your fella will awaken and just do as nature intended. The porn probably didn’t help me and it probably doesn’t help you.
  17. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

    You’re putting too much pressure on things. You don’t need any pills. The best cure fo social anxiety is being kind to yourself and gently exposing yourself to social situations. I should know, I’ve been there.
  18. User_0132

    User_0132 Fapstronaut


    I had the exact same problem. To get rid of it, i'd say the best thing to do is communicating with her. Don't be shy to express your anxiety to her on that matter because frankly, most girls will be understanding, especially if she is your gf. As soon as I did that it started to get better overtime.

    Second thing to do is to quit porn / masturbation completely, at least until you get confortable when being intimate. Save the urges for when you'll be with her.

    As for the condoms, it did the same thing to me. Eventually we just did it without it, but I don't recommend it especially if she does not take the pill. Make sure the condom is not too tight to keep the blood flow going.

    Update us on your situation! If you need anymore advice let us know.
  19. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

    You have trained your mind that sex happens between you and your computer screen. When another person is there in real life the touching, communication and feelings involved are not what your mind associates with sex. The physical/emotional/mental connection is making you uncomfortable and therefore unable to perform sexually.
    You have to quite porn, fantasy and masturbation for good if you ever want to have a normal sex life.
  20. TrueSaiyan

    TrueSaiyan Fapstronaut

    I say really try and stop the porn. Build up your mentality and willpower to try stopping. Porn confuses us for what we want and what we feel or see in reality. Porn gives us so much pleasure and excitement that we loose touch on reality. It numbs our emotions for what we feel in real life and our stable needs to handle our own sex drive.
    I remember when I was about 17 I was already watching porn and a little bit of a horn dog at school. I had my first kiss Junior year of high school. I remember to this day how dirty it was and the way she attacked me. Unfortunately she was so close to me that I Ejaculated not after the first 5mn of making out. It was a nerve racking kiss because it was in the laundry room of her friends house and my friend walked in on us which made it even more awkward, while I had *** running down my pants. But what I'm trying to get at here is that Porn desensitizes us as well as increasing our sex drive at the same time, making us more prone to ejaculating faster, or suffering from erectile dysfunction. Really try to give it up and focus on your girlfriend. Try talking to her about it and ask her if she watches it at all to, try to help each other out.
    KMAN55 likes this.

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