can't keep from looking at cleavage or breasts in public - help!

N

nednedned

New Fapstronaut
Hello,
I hope this is the appropriate forum for this issue. I believe it does relate to my porn addiction, which I'll explain. My problem is that I can't keep from looking or glancing at cleavage or even fully clothed breasts when I'm around women in public, and even at work. I don't want to do this, and I want to be respectful of women, but there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to keep this from happening. My eyes will just dart to their chest and make me glance or stare, and there's nothing I can do about it, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes if I can anticipate that I'm going to be in a situation where it might happen, I can try to maintain eye contact the entire time, but I know there have been situations where it was obvious that I was trying to avoid looking at their chest. Even if I can anticipate this, in many situations trying to maintain eye contact just doesn't work, especially if the person's cleavage is exposed. If I'm caught off guard, there might be nothing I can do at all, and I will noticeably and obviously look at the person's chest. I'm extremely worried about this happening at work and getting fired for it. I feel like it's only a matter of time, and I'm terrified. I've had women cover themselves up after I looked at them, or indicate that they noticed with an angry look, but it just hasn't happened at work yet, and I know it's going to.

My theory about why this is happening is that 25 years of intensive porn use has trained my brain to sexualize breasts this way, and instinctively look at them as though I'm looking for a pornographic or sexual experience. The vast majority of my experience with breasts has been through online porn. I started looking at porn in the 90s when I was 13 or 14 and internet porn was just taking off, and I'm almost 40 now. I'm not in a relationship, and I've been using porn intensively all these decades, and I believe it has wired my brain to do this. That's my theory, unless anyone else has other thoughts about why this might be happening?

If my brain has been wired to do this, is there any way to rewire it so that it doesn't instinctively do this anymore? I reduced my porn use several months ago, and stopped altogether a couple of months ago, but I don't think there's been much change. I'm worried that stopping won't be enough since my brain has been trained to look at porn my entire life, so I'm wondering if there's a way to actively rewire it?

Thanks
 
I was the same way, not as bad. But if I were to give you advice, get yourself a girlfriend. When you have sex and be able to play with her breast In a respectful way, well just having sex I realized it's kind of over sexualized LOL. Sex is nothing like what I thought. Now I see woman different than just sex objects, plus sex is way better when you love someone. It also helps quiting pmo. I guess this is horrible advice considering you're double my age.
 
Coming from myself being in my early 50s i will tell you that masterbating to porn when we started young (10 for me) is a common theme for us addicts, but in your situation this scenario you are talking about happens to a majority of the population. You are just more sensitive to ur thoughts then others. Normal people being looked at or the lookers have a socially accepted amount of time to gaze just like we all have a personal space barrier of people to stand around. I'm assuming your not looking long enough to where the woman is scared that your going to whip your duck out at any moment and cum in her (even in ur mind u are). I myself am a non nude addict so I understand your urges. I have a woman at work that has huge tits and I'm around her a lot. I don't focus on her eyes when I talk I focus on her whole body which leaves my eyes a wide view on her and not a focus on her tits even though I can see then plainly. I think the fact that it's their boobs and not their butts gives you a little room to move with in social acceptance
 
I've had this problem throughout my sexual development and while I'm much better at controlling it, elements of it are still there.

My trick for rewiring is to develop a habit of looking anybody in the face/head if I need to look at them at all or if I can't avoid looking at them (e.g. when walking in the street and trying not to walk into people!). Emphasis on anybody here - regardless of whether or not you find them attractive, regardless of whether they are male or female, real or cartoon, etc., for two reasons:
  1. You don't need to check whether or not the person is somebody you need to resist looking at (because you can't do that without looking at their chest!)
  2. If you habitually avoid looking anybody in the chest, you will naturally avoid doing the same to people you find attractive.
I'm not perfect at this - I still slip up. But I'm definitely in a better place than I was.
 
It is natural for heterosexual men to look at such things even subconsciously, we like those things, however staring at them is pushing it. If you can look for one second and then go on with your life, I think it wouldn't be bad.
 
You've been intensely consuming porn for 25 years. If staring at women body parts is a result of your 25-year porn consumption, then you might have to consider that the ogling habit might not cease so quickly, especially after only just a couple of porn-free months. 25 years is a long time.

I've been consuming porn for maybe 15 or 20 years, so I expect to significantly recover after 15 or 20 years of no porn.

Some women wear sports bras or push-up bras to make their breasts look bigger than they actually are. Some women do a lot of weird things to make their breast look bigger than they actually are. Some women even get breast implants. Once I learned more about breast implants and other weird things, I lost a lot of interest in women's body parts.

Also, I can bet you that a woman might cover herself up when you look at her but not if a man of another race or income level looks at her. She might not cover up when younger men look at her body parts too. How does that make you feel?
 
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nednedned said:
Hello,
I hope this is the appropriate forum for this issue. I believe it does relate to my porn addiction, which I'll explain. My problem is that I can't keep from looking or glancing at cleavage or even fully clothed breasts when I'm around women in public, and even at work. I don't want to do this, and I want to be respectful of women, but there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to keep this from happening. My eyes will just dart to their chest and make me glance or stare, and there's nothing I can do about it, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes if I can anticipate that I'm going to be in a situation where it might happen, I can try to maintain eye contact the entire time, but I know there have been situations where it was obvious that I was trying to avoid looking at their chest. Even if I can anticipate this, in many situations trying to maintain eye contact just doesn't work, especially if the person's cleavage is exposed. If I'm caught off guard, there might be nothing I can do at all, and I will noticeably and obviously look at the person's chest. I'm extremely worried about this happening at work and getting fired for it. I feel like it's only a matter of time, and I'm terrified. I've had women cover themselves up after I looked at them, or indicate that they noticed with an angry look, but it just hasn't happened at work yet, and I know it's going to.

My theory about why this is happening is that 25 years of intensive porn use has trained my brain to sexualize breasts this way, and instinctively look at them as though I'm looking for a pornographic or sexual experience. The vast majority of my experience with breasts has been through online porn. I started looking at porn in the 90s when I was 13 or 14 and internet porn was just taking off, and I'm almost 40 now. I'm not in a relationship, and I've been using porn intensively all these decades, and I believe it has wired my brain to do this. That's my theory, unless anyone else has other thoughts about why this might be happening?

If my brain has been wired to do this, is there any way to rewire it so that it doesn't instinctively do this anymore? I reduced my porn use several months ago, and stopped altogether a couple of months ago, but I don't think there's been much change. I'm worried that stopping won't be enough since my brain has been trained to look at porn my entire life, so I'm wondering if there's a way to actively rewire it?

Thanks
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I certainly know what you’re talking about I think the first thing you need to do is not judge your self and that is attraction is totally normal and also if you peak it’s normal because those breasts are there and they are very attractive you may need to learn gradually to be more decent about it if you stare at it it bothers but if you just glance and you allow it to you self then maybe the steering isn’t necessary anymore and the reaction is different when I’m turned on I have weekdays I also feel this attraction very strong. I do look but not stare. I enjoy and I even feel approving reactions and eye contact with the woman.
 
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Abiding by and adhering to a constant meditation practice helps me. If I step out of that practice, which I upkeep almost 24-7, my eyes immediately go to boobies and butt and "beauty". In my meditation practice, I'm sort of consumed up by the higher consciousness and I feel unswayed whenever I see the body parts you mention. I simply recognize women as forms of varying aesthetics; I only look their way when my meditation acknowledges them as human. Meditation sort of dissolves the frills/auras around women that cause us to look (e.g. how they dress and how those body parts are accentuated). In my severe PMO days I glanced at my own relative's (cousin's) cleavage and she likely noticed. I hadn't seen her in a long time before that. She never said or did anything about my glance, but I know she knew I unconsciously looked. And I was privately very embarrassed. But thankfully she saw me in a better way of being a couple times afterwards.
 
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Quick glance - You are good, just a normal man.
Staring - You need to control yourself better.

Don't overthink it son, God gave you eyes for a reason, and made yourself to be attracted to certain women features for a reason.

Just exercise self discipline and control, but don't try to completely fight what you are.
 
Chris333 said:
I certainly know what you’re talking about I think the first thing you need to do is not judge your self and that is attraction is totally normal and also if you peak it’s normal because those breasts are there and they are very attractive you may need to learn gradually to be more decent about it if you stare at it it bothers but if you just glance and you allow it to you self then maybe the steering isn’t necessary anymore and the reaction is different when I’m turned on I have weekdays I also feel this attraction very strong. I do look but not stare. I enjoy and I even feel approving reactions and eye contact with the woman.
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Corrected my typos. Oh my…
 
I have the problem of compulsively checking out women also. Not just boobs though. It sucks. I think the brain sees it as a valuable opportunity that it doesn't want to pass up. Almost like it thinks irl girls are porn, or even that looking is the closest it can get.
 
What MrPriest said above is spot on. I find threads like this utterly bizarre, to be honest. Being attracted to real women should never be something to be ashamed of. Sure, staring is bad and obviously we should all try to avoid doing that, but there's nothing wrong with being drawn to a nice womanly figure (or whatever you're into). If anything, it's worrying if we DON'T feel that way. When I was consuming a lot of p*rn, I would be so spaced out that I wouldn't even notice actual women walking past me. The only women I'd find attractive (in a gross, empty way) would be the fake women on my grubby computer screen. Now that I no longer regularly consume p*rn (I am on one of many streaks I've had), I find completely ordinary women very attractive. I often see slightly frumpy, middle-aged women and think, "phwoar". Think what you want but, to me, that is a clear sign that I'm functioning like a male human should. I'm no longer thinking about crappy videos; my hormones are pumping and want me to act in real life. THAT should be the goal of NoFap; it should NOT be about preventing our minds and bodies from doing what they're made to do!
 
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