cant shut down my mind

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Ursamajor, Dec 26, 2019.

  1. Ursamajor

    Ursamajor Fapstronaut

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    hello everyone.

    its been about a year or so since i was last time here.
    but i feel so miserable i decided to write here what is bothering me.

    i was trying to do nofap and in 3 years my longest was 66 days. now i am at about day 40 but i did watch porn and i did edge but did not ejaculate. but fuck it. even if i did not PMO at all i did not never feel any difference. nothing at all.

    but what really is choking me and killing me is what we are taught as kids while we grow up. you have to work hard, you have to finish your school get a diploma, get a good job, get a house, a good car, get a woman, merry her, have kids.... this is what is succes for people.i have evrything but a woman and kids. i am 31 now and i am single 10 years now. many people say i look good that i am cool handsome dude but i can never get a woman. they think i have all the women of this planetand that i change them more often than i wash my ass. and this is simply not true. i cant even get a HELLO. getting a phone number is a completely different universe. and it is killing me that society taught me that i have to have a woman and family to be happy.

    i know that this is not true but i cant get that out of my head. its like a virus in my brain and there is no antivirus to delete that shit.
    for few times i even taught to end this shit called life cuz i cant control my own mind.
    i wish i could go live in some temple in china with monks but i have no money to travel there and pay to live there.

    i belive nofap and the way you see life starts when you are just a little kid. this is where your nofap starts. it also depends on your parents and society you live in. i just dont fit where i live and cant escape from here. it came so far i am not afraid of death. i am scared of life. many people die each day in terrible ways. would be happy to give my life for their death
     
    toms_feelings likes this.
  2. you will probably never get a woman man, sorry. and this thing we are taught up as kids doenst apply for the majority of the men/ the idea is that you get a good job and occupy your mind with it so that by the time you retire, you are an old man without much libido left and you can enjoy your pension for the remainder of your life.

    i know how you fee, im a 24 yo virgin. i neve rhad anything with a girl. girls only lead me on or tried to manipulate me so far. i was never lucky, not in sex, not in anything. ill go to hell to, no doubt about it but at least im ok with it. its beyond our control, accept it and make your life accordingly. its a good thing you try to leave porn behind, that shit isnt for everyoen you know.

    porn is a natural thing for men and women who are sexually active but for guys who arent getting,laid at all its a window to a life the woill never have which is bad rly cause you need to accept the life destiny has bestowed upon you and try to make the best out of it.
     
  3. Ursamajor

    Ursamajor Fapstronaut

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    My libido is low already. I am 31 and have no need for sex. I think my mind accepted that I have no need to spray my sperm around but what happens if you get a woman and you have sex then?? Your mind gets burned cuz it is not programmed to have sex
     
  4. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Wow I really relate. "I am scared of life". For me that is I'm scared of life in active addiction, that seems worse than death. In my case, given the pm+ and where my trajectory was headed I am very confident that that is not exaggeration. But I notice in myself a lot of exaggeration, moreso before getting sober (3/12/13) but still now. It's pride, or rather pridefulness, but thankfully there a solution it's just slow. What I mean is I often said I'd do anything to get sober and then would argue with anything that was suggested :). Much less my talk about not being afraid to die. In my mind sure but in real life I was angry every time a car came close to my car or my body when biking or walking and the anger of course covers fear of death. It's come up a lot lately and I'm grateful that I've often remembered to take it as an opportunity to give up my life. Turning it from an idea to a practice, that's what this is all about. They say opinions are like well never mind. Basically just saying I'm glad to be reminded of a practice with death instead of holding onto attachment, my ideas and lots of what the French call the little death.
    I can't control my thoughts either. A little bit but luckily that same process of giving up, letting go, seems to work better. I had a friend who told her about this site years ago that we disagreed whether it was possible to decide or change thoughts, he said yes. I think I have more open ness to hear his truth now, it doesn't have to be one person wrong the other right necessarily. What I think I hear in what he said is that I have a lot of say in what I put in my mind and what o give attention to, that I could turn attention away from certain thoughts towards others. And I've since learned some techniques that work very effectively with thoughts. And one of or even the most effective is stopping fighting them. I know, it doesn't seem to be like it would work with even though it has dozens of times already this year :). It is scary, weird. But it's been working really well, the theory is "what I resist persists". Sure seems like when I fight them the thoughts get energy from that even though I'm striving against them they seem to get stronger.
     

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