There are some mechanisms with the sissy stuff that stick because they are psychologically effective. If a person is feeling bad about themselves, or worried that they aren't the man they want to be, you actually get a little reward in your brain when you click on something that tells you that you're right. It bears no relation to reality - you're just clicking on something that says what you want it to say. Then it bombards you with images that you've been ashamed or anxious about - and the intensity of feeling can be interpreted as sexual arousal, and you further wire it into your brain.
Recognize it as a cheap fucking trick. It's serious the shittiest, most base, snake oil sales pitch. It's a freak show tent at the fairgrounds, promising you a 30lb rat. Recognize that the rat (from this analogy), if it's a real live animal, isn't even a rat - it's a capybara that some carny bastard earns 75.00 a day toting around to fairgrounds.
You are no more a sissy than the rat is a rat. You're paying your 5 bucks (committing private time) to see a giant rat (confirmation that you are what you fear you are), and upon seeing a living creature - you feel justified in paying the money, and you get a reward feedback. But it's not a rat, your price of admission was a waste, you've been conned. Recognize that it's an interesting set-up, recognize how it succeeds in attracting customers, but don't go back - because you know the trick now. It's just a little mental virus that continues to exist as long as someone pays admission.
I totally stretched that analogy to breaking point - but I hope it made some sense.
Get yourself some replacement activities that offer actual rewards and a better future.
It's okay that you went through this (are going through this), but you can grow past it.
