About 12 years ago I began to consume hardcore porn on the internet and soon slipped into an addiction. About 3 years ago I sought help online, found this forum and started my Journey. At first it was a great relief. I confessed, went through the emotions, found immense support and learned to express myself in English (I'm German). Of course I also learned a lot about addiction and what a healthy life could mean and I met a lot of different people which gave me all kinds of insights. In short, it was a great gift. Of course I had some good streaks and all. But unfortunately my addiction continued. I'm dealing with self-help since, but the few leaps that I accomplished in my life were not so big. PMO continued to be the symptom as well as the cause for more difficulty and pain. But I also have some good things going and most notably I enjoy life most of the time. Ok, I should say too, I beat the most unhealthy behaviors long ago. It's like I once struggled with some big life-threatening demons and they stayed with me, only as tiny miniatures, which are still annoying me all the time. I think at some point I came addicted to recovery as well. Or maybe you could say, I tend to spend too much time spinning around my issues and on my computer instead of going outside, confronting stuff and partaking in society. So now I'm coming back to the forum after three months of absence, with a new account (cause I lost my old password). And immediately I'm sucked into this thing again, with all those stories and with this system of Alerts and Likes... Don't get me wrong, I love you guys and the forum is a fantastic tool and ressource. I just wonder ... can it still help me? can I use the tool without being consumed by it? am I growing out of it? is it time to move on? Then today, I read some stuff about masturbation outside the forum. I used to think that quitting masturbation would be a good goal, even if difficult to achieve. I also thought that not only abstaining from porn but also reducing my masturbation would be a means to get back real women, real relationships and real sex. But outside this nofap-bubble many people think differently and they have good arguments. I understood that ONLY getting out of my comfort-zone and GETTING interested in real women again will MAKE ME involved with real women. It's not about libido (knowing I have one), it's not a very sophisticated issue - either I try or I will not have it. What's holding me is only my fears and because I'm ignoring my real situation and constantly distract my mind with questions like: am I eating healthy enough? how often should I masturbate? Clearly my masturbation is combined to fantasy which is linked to porn. Therfore masturbation can trigger porn. But on the other hand, doesn't it make your porn abstinence much more difficult when you don't even allow yourself masturbation ? Shouldn't you LEARN to masturbate without porn or subs as a part of recovery? I mean isn't masturbation part of a healthy sex-life? (Esp. if you're currently not in a relationship). Medical experts say it is. Thank you very much if you read all this! I'm looking forward for any advide or just your opinion! But please don't get offended by the things I said.