can't stand this forum anymore

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by karlson, Nov 30, 2018.

  1. karlson

    karlson Fapstronaut

    About 12 years ago I began to consume hardcore porn on the internet and soon slipped into an addiction.
    About 3 years ago I sought help online, found this forum and started my Journey. At first it was a great relief. I confessed, went through the emotions, found immense support and learned to express myself in English (I'm German). Of course I also learned a lot about addiction and what a healthy life could mean and I met a lot of different people which gave me all kinds of insights. In short, it was a great gift.

    Of course I had some good streaks and all. But unfortunately my addiction continued. I'm dealing with self-help since, but the few leaps that I accomplished in my life were not so big. PMO continued to be the symptom as well as the cause for more difficulty and pain.
    But I also have some good things going and most notably I enjoy life most of the time.

    Ok, I should say too, I beat the most unhealthy behaviors long ago. It's like I once struggled with some big life-threatening demons and they stayed with me, only as tiny miniatures, which are still annoying me all the time.

    I think at some point I came addicted to recovery as well. Or maybe you could say, I tend to spend too much time spinning around my issues and on my computer instead of going outside, confronting stuff and partaking in society.

    So now I'm coming back to the forum after three months of absence, with a new account (cause I lost my old password).
    And immediately I'm sucked into this thing again, with all those stories and with this system of Alerts and Likes...
    Don't get me wrong, I love you guys and the forum is a fantastic tool and ressource. I just wonder ... can it still help me? can I use the tool without being consumed by it? am I growing out of it? is it time to move on?

    Then today, I read some stuff about masturbation outside the forum. I used to think that quitting masturbation would be a good goal, even if difficult to achieve. I also thought that not only abstaining from porn but also reducing my masturbation would be a means to get back real women, real relationships and real sex.
    But outside this nofap-bubble many people think differently and they have good arguments. I understood that ONLY getting out of my comfort-zone and GETTING interested in real women again will MAKE ME involved with real women. It's not about libido (knowing I have one), it's not a very sophisticated issue - either I try or I will not have it. What's holding me is only my fears and because I'm ignoring my real situation and constantly distract my mind with questions like: am I eating healthy enough? how often should I masturbate?

    Clearly my masturbation is combined to fantasy which is linked to porn. Therfore masturbation can trigger porn. But on the other hand, doesn't it make your porn abstinence much more difficult when you don't even allow yourself masturbation ? Shouldn't you LEARN to masturbate without porn or subs as a part of recovery? I mean isn't masturbation part of a healthy sex-life? (Esp. if you're currently not in a relationship). Medical experts say it is.

    Thank you very much if you read all this! I'm looking forward for any advide or just your opinion! But please don't get offended by the things I said.
     
  2. Less than a week ago, I said I was done with NoFap too, for similar reasons, that it sucks you in JUST LIKE ANY OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA SITE, which is what it is. Now I'm back. Recovery is dull and boring if all it consists of is posting on this website. So I've changed my approach. I'm not refusing NoFap, but I'm minimizing my time on here and, minimizing my time thinking about "my problem", and forcing myself to do as much meaningful offline activity as I can, to make recovery more enjoyable/bearable
     
  3. I support your realization that meaningful activity is much more helpful than reading on this forum. I have come to the same conclusion myself. Connecting with flesh and blood people is much more satisfying than having digital buddies. I mean the digital ones are fine, but they need to either be a stepping stone or an adjunct to the friends we have that spend physical time with us. Here is a Ted Talk video which lays out the underlying reason for addiction.
     
    VeganRights and karlson like this.
  4. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

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    I can't stand it either. This forum (even the NoFap subreddit) have gone to shit. Alpha's, Beta's, etc. There's a post in another topic where someone tries to show a photo of some dude holding a Nintendo Switch console meant as an insult. What's that trying to prove? That he's a "beta"?

    The fuck am I reading and watching?
     
  5. JakeWoods

    JakeWoods Fapstronaut

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    I know exactly what you mean.

    Although this site is a great place and a helpful tool in recovering from Porn addiction. It can also have the opposite affect if not used properly. I find that spending to much time here just reenforces my porn addiction. It makes me think about my addiction more as opposed to trying to forget about it.

    A lot of my relapses have been shortly after visiting this site. Because once I come here I immediately think of my porn addiction and therefore I think about porn.

    Not to mention some of the crap I read on here. It makes me want to turn my back on this place. I’ve come across some blinding stories on here lol. Things along the lines of;

    “Haven’t fapped for 11 days, best friends mum wants to bang me”

    “Day 72... massive hair regrowth” (then they post before and after pics and it’s literally exactly the same, just their hair is longer because they haven’t had a haircut)

    “Testicles grew 14.7% and penis hangs 4 inches lower when flaccid”... (
    I’d like to know where people come up with those exact numbers lol.)
     
  6. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Haha, yea, some of it is weird.
     
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  7. outlander.9

    outlander.9 Fapstronaut

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    I am in the same boat more or less.

    I can honestly say Ive done great since coming here and looking for the answers. Haven't been back into the porn and my PIED symptoms have subsided quite a bit already; I'm not in the clear yet but things are noticeably more responsive and working more the way they should.

    But I'm thinking this isn't a healthy place to be all the time given the nature of it. Being on here a whole bunch is like an alcoholic hopping around to 3 or 4 AA meetings in a day. Nobody needs that, healthy recovery should be quick check-ins and maybe the occasional meeting/chat.

    Just like any other kind of recovery, it's important to get the hell on with life and not sit around and dwell on how hard it is.
     
  8. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

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    Just why do you consider spending time here like on social media as an inherently bad thing? Maybe it's the good part. At least for me, it is. I have a few friends here. I like to talk to them, and I find it to be better than my other social media. It motivates me, adds something to my day. Anyway, you do you. Good day!
     
  9. The good thing about this forum is that you don't always have to talk about PMO addiction. You can literally talk about whatever you want. There's threads about music, sports, fitness, movies, cooking, etc.. when I come here, it's mainly to distract myself from my addiction, so I stick to things off topic most of the time.
     
  10. Masturbation is healthy if you are able to do it a small amount of times, in moderation. I got frustrated last Sunday so on Monday and Tuesday I lapsed and masturbated excessively, even without the use of porn. I did not feel good afterwards and i was lucky that my wife did not demand sex from me.

    Yes, not masturbating at all is incredibly hard and would feel like an utterly useless practice to me if I was single.

    Yes, this forum sucks you in and a lot of people talk a lot of BS here. But such is social media. it is addictive.
    I often wonder why I bother to write on this forum. This is just replacing one stupid addiction with another.
     
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  11. karlson

    karlson Fapstronaut

    No, I don't think that way. I rather think the more time and effort you put into it, the more quality you'll get out of it. I know here are some wonderful people with whom you can have all kinds of meaningful conversations. The thread title came from my first emotional impulse.

    I didn't want to rant against nofap or the Community. And I think in order to use this as a tool for Recovery you have to stand behind the basic ideas. Bc when you're in doubt you're on the rim to relapse. At least that's the case for such an addict as myself.
    Mindset is very important. Sometimes more important than the truth imho.
    However I really we're in some kind of a bubble here and you better look outside of it, sometimes.

    It's more because of my own tendencies that I'm troubled with this forum. I'm struggeling to prioritize to do the right thing for myself. For the near future it could be, I'm better off without the forum. And least that's what my gut says right now.
    Sometimes I'm very strict on myself or at least I try and then I see, I'm doing it the wrong way. For example focussing on not masturbating instead of talking to women, foucussing on eating extreme healthy instead of getting things in order and do the obvious thing right in front of me.
     
  12. I agree, it works better if you don't think about it. The forums make you think about masturbation etc. The forum can be ok if you think about masturbation anyway. But it is better to do a job, do training or socialise. then you just have to think about something else.
     
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  13. karlson

    karlson Fapstronaut

    But it's important to mention that when you write on this forum IT'S ALREADY a part of Recovery. Because you use your frontal cortex and you deal with this subject that used to be your big secret. And when it's all in your head you're nothing but confused and addicted. You can disburden your heart while staying anonymously.
     
  14. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut

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    I think most of the comments here are really about poor time management. I think this is a great community and a lot of the value I get is in high quality private messages. If you want to avoid silliness and drama, avoid the off-topic section. Above all, use your time here judiciously. If you have got what you need here for the day or the week, turn it off. Those who cannot might consider they have an internet addiction. But that is hardly the fault of this website. Own your issues.
     
  15. oneaffidavit

    oneaffidavit Fapstronaut

    I use this forum as a journal 90% of the time. I am too consumed by my own journal.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  16. I recommend using the "ignore" function, and also "unwatch thread".
     
  17. yeah, I try to do less on the forum and focus on my journal. That is quite helpful. But then I have those urges to give my 2 cents to what complete strangers are writing.
     
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  18. wolfyy

    wolfyy Fapstronaut

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    Replace forum time with outdoor exercise or going to the gym? Or something else thats healthy. Cooking for family / friends. Volunteer work. I dunno. Something that will make you feel appreciated and allows you to make contact with other people.
     
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  19. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I can relate to this, a couple of weeks ago I ended up in a long back and forth over the nature of incels where noone learnt anything from anyone and all it did was annoy me and put me off wanting to comment on stuff that wasn't directly related to the purpose of the forum. But then on the flip-side talking about PMO addiction can be bothersome too because while you do get people who are consistently helpful and talk sense, you also get a lot of people who frankly come across as being a bit too zealous and some who are just irritating to engage with for whatever reason. I'm all for discussion of course but it can be a trial trying to get advice on here when a lot of it is so misguided and hard to give it because saying something "out of line" causes arguments.

    As for the masturbation thing, I think thats the elephant in the room over here on the forums. NoFap as an entity never actually says to give up masturbation completely, it merely talks about doing it temporarily to overcome an addiction to porn. Now I dont doubt for a second that some people are in fact addicted to masturbation and not porn, I've seen people on here who dont watch porn and never have, but still masturbate compulsively. What gets me is usually when you try to suggest that masturbating isn't the problem for a lot of people, and that the act in and of itself maybe isn't all that harmful, or hell, even try to talk about it not taking a side, you get flooded with pseudo-science and arguments based in spiritual/religious logic and not actual fact. This is without saying that things are different for each person, and one size does not fit all when it comes to overcoming an addiction of any kind.

    Overall I would advise you stick to a journal and be selective with what you comment on, thats what I did and I enjoy my time here and feel more productive as a result.
     
  20. karlson

    karlson Fapstronaut

    Thank you guys, for the vivid discussion!
    And especially for the advice to focus on my Journal. I will set that one up right now.

    To be honest with you, I'm not any further than I've been a year ago. So that's quite sad.
    It also means I still can and should arrange the things I could have arranged a year ago, but didn't.

    I'm all talk. But at least I know it.
    Unfortunately I can't afford to play around with the tool anymore that this website is or should be to me.
    However my decision is, I'll be sticking to the forum for some more time. Better with than without it.

    Such a frame would be good for me:

    1. Set a goal for myself
    2. When (and only when) goal accomplished: log in to nofap, report on my Journal, celebrate by cruising the forum for some more time
     

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