Ever since i have tried to stop PMOing last year to transgendered people, the impulse to do it has become so much stronger, i don't know why, maybe because i'm thinking about it too much, i have exhausted all possibilities of logical reasoning why i don't like doing it and why i shouldn't, but sometimes the impulse and urge is too strong, i went 10 days recently 8 days in started getting urges that i shook off thinking this is getting easier, and then bam i couldn't shake the thought of it, my head was swimming in dopamine fuelled lust, bathing in the anticipation for either sex from an escort or masturbation, iv vowed to never go to another escort again because that wont help matters in any way. But now my urges have changed from urges to watch porn to actual sex, and when im on a streak and a fantasy pops up, i can shake it off through cold showers and meditation but it always comes back even stronger and stronger until my head is drowned in sexual anticipation.
Has this happened to anyone else? The urge continues for a few days and you become increasingly horny and impulsive until you have to release just to stop it, or should you continue through the urge and stay in that horny state until you feel different, because i don't know how long i could do that for, when i'm in that state, (i lasted two days and it impacted my work and socialising) i feel awkward, socially anxious, down, and just not myself at all, its horrible being around people because of your thoughts and horrible being by yourself because you think about them even more.
Anyway I ended up humping my bed last night and O'd then M again 3 times this morning. The last one was over a female for which i'm grateful i did that, however its always much more effort and vigorous to do that. After i O to a transgendered person i feel like i wouldn't actually like it afterwards and the lust goes completely thinking its gross, with a woman i feel like its ok and i like the feeling. However my body is so hard wired to finding transgendered people sexually attractive its unnerving, it never used to be like this. I don't want to be attracted to them, but its so hard to go on a streak until a fantasy pops up and it feels the same as watching porn, yet its in my head. I do try to keep busy with lots of things, but i'm going to try a different thought process, before i was telling myself that i hate transgendered people and thinking about them made me so depressed (which it does) but my body was clearly enjoying it, maybe that's made the hocd worse by thinking about it too much and constantly trying to fight the obsessive thoughts, so now i am going to lie to myself and say that i find them attractive and theirs nothing wrong with that, so once i can accept that then hopefully i will stop thinking about it as much and i can go on a streak without fantasy and porn and my body will turn back to its original function of liking females, because i still find them attractive, i just have been brainwashed to get overwhelmingly sexually attracted to transsexuals, for no other reason than watching too much porn.
Side note: Before nofap i watched a mixture of porn 70/30, during nofap i have gravitated toward transgendered people a lot more 95/5 (but its very rare i ever watch porn videos anymore, when i cant control the urges i look at potential transgendered person escorts, which is also why the fantasies have become stronger, because its more possible, and the pictures of them i cant get out of my head) I started nofap because i had ED with a girl, i think about the bad aspects of it too much that's what made the impulses a lot stronger.
When i get an urge i try to think of the transgendered person thats making me aroused then, take the tits and makeup away, and your left with the man underneath which is quite a disturbing thought, i'm not attracted to men, so that helps sometimes, but that also just makes me think about them more again so it becomes this vicious cycle.
Has this happened to anyone else? The urge continues for a few days and you become increasingly horny and impulsive until you have to release just to stop it, or should you continue through the urge and stay in that horny state until you feel different, because i don't know how long i could do that for, when i'm in that state, (i lasted two days and it impacted my work and socialising) i feel awkward, socially anxious, down, and just not myself at all, its horrible being around people because of your thoughts and horrible being by yourself because you think about them even more.
Anyway I ended up humping my bed last night and O'd then M again 3 times this morning. The last one was over a female for which i'm grateful i did that, however its always much more effort and vigorous to do that. After i O to a transgendered person i feel like i wouldn't actually like it afterwards and the lust goes completely thinking its gross, with a woman i feel like its ok and i like the feeling. However my body is so hard wired to finding transgendered people sexually attractive its unnerving, it never used to be like this. I don't want to be attracted to them, but its so hard to go on a streak until a fantasy pops up and it feels the same as watching porn, yet its in my head. I do try to keep busy with lots of things, but i'm going to try a different thought process, before i was telling myself that i hate transgendered people and thinking about them made me so depressed (which it does) but my body was clearly enjoying it, maybe that's made the hocd worse by thinking about it too much and constantly trying to fight the obsessive thoughts, so now i am going to lie to myself and say that i find them attractive and theirs nothing wrong with that, so once i can accept that then hopefully i will stop thinking about it as much and i can go on a streak without fantasy and porn and my body will turn back to its original function of liking females, because i still find them attractive, i just have been brainwashed to get overwhelmingly sexually attracted to transsexuals, for no other reason than watching too much porn.
Side note: Before nofap i watched a mixture of porn 70/30, during nofap i have gravitated toward transgendered people a lot more 95/5 (but its very rare i ever watch porn videos anymore, when i cant control the urges i look at potential transgendered person escorts, which is also why the fantasies have become stronger, because its more possible, and the pictures of them i cant get out of my head) I started nofap because i had ED with a girl, i think about the bad aspects of it too much that's what made the impulses a lot stronger.
When i get an urge i try to think of the transgendered person thats making me aroused then, take the tits and makeup away, and your left with the man underneath which is quite a disturbing thought, i'm not attracted to men, so that helps sometimes, but that also just makes me think about them more again so it becomes this vicious cycle.
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