Cant stop fantasies while on a streak

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Ginseng12, Oct 14, 2019.

  1. Ginseng12

    Ginseng12 Fapstronaut

    Ever since i have tried to stop PMOing last year to trannies, the impulse to do it has become so much stronger, i don't know why, maybe because i'm thinking about it too much, i have exhausted all possibilities of logical reasoning why i don't like doing it and why i shouldn't, but sometimes the impulse and urge is too strong, i went 10 days recently 8 days in started getting urges that i shook off thinking this is getting easier, and then bam i couldn't shake the thought of it, my head was swimming in dopamine fuelled lust, bathing in the anticipation for either sex from an escort or masturbation, iv vowed to never go to another escort again because that wont help matters in any way. But now my urges have changed from urges to watch porn to actual sex, and when im on a streak and a fantasy pops up, i can shake it off through cold showers and meditation but it always comes back even stronger and stronger until my head is drowned in sexual anticipation.

    Has this happened to anyone else? The urge continues for a few days and you become increasingly horny and impulsive until you have to release just to stop it, or should you continue through the urge and stay in that horny state until you feel different, because i don't know how long i could do that for, when i'm in that state, (i lasted two days and it impacted my work and socialising) i feel awkward, socially anxious, down, and just not myself at all, its horrible being around people because of your thoughts and horrible being by yourself because you think about them even more.

    Anyway I ended up humping my bed last night and O'd then M again 3 times this morning. The last one was over a female for which i'm grateful i did that, however its always much more effort and vigorous to do that. After i O to a tranny i feel like i wouldn't actually like it afterwards and the lust goes completely thinking its gross, with a woman i feel like its ok and i like the feeling. However my body is so hard wired to finding trannies sexually attractive its unnerving, it never used to be like this. I don't want to be attracted to them, but its so hard to go on a streak until a fantasy pops up and it feels the same as watching porn, yet its in my head. I do try to keep busy with lots of things, but i'm going to try a different thought process, before i was telling myself that i hate trannies and thinking about them made me so depressed (which it does) but my body was clearly enjoying it, maybe that's made the hocd worse by thinking about it too much and constantly trying to fight the obsessive thoughts, so now i am going to lie to myself and say that i find them attractive and theirs nothing wrong with that, so once i can accept that then hopefully i will stop thinking about it as much and i can go on a streak without fantasy and porn and my body will turn back to its original function of liking females, because i still find them attractive, i just have been brainwashed to get overwhelmingly sexually attracted to transsexuals, for no other reason than watching too much porn.

    Side note: Before nofap i watched a mixture of porn 70/30, during nofap i have gravitated toward trannies a lot more 95/5 (but its very rare i ever watch porn videos anymore, when i cant control the urges i look at potential tranny escorts, which is also why the fantasies have become stronger, because its more possible, and the pictures of them i cant get out of my head) I started nofap because i had ED with a girl, i think about the bad aspects of it too much that's what made the impulses a lot stronger.

    When i get an urge i try to think of the tranny thats making me aroused then, take the tits and makeup away, and your left with the man underneath which is quite a disturbing thought, i'm not attracted to men, so that helps sometimes, but that also just makes me think about them more again so it becomes this vicious cycle.
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2019
    Prussard likes this.
  2. Prussard

    Prussard Fapstronaut

    You basically described my Nofap history. I also have a strong problem with fantasising around the 2 week mark about porn including the tranny fetish. That's the cause why I failed on previous streaks. I'm thinking about including long meditation sessions into my day plan, maybe this will help taking controll over my mind. It's quite disturbing thinking about porn especially the tranny stuff the whole time but I think it's part of the process to rewire your brain to a normal taste. You have to detoxify your brain from all this filth you bombarded your brain over all this years. Stay strong and stop edging to your thoughts, your brain is trying to rationalize that it's ok to indulge in this kind of thinks but it's just your addicted brain that talks to you.
    marr708 and Ginseng12 like this.
  3. Reginald001

    Reginald001 Fapstronaut

    I am coming to learn that blocking urges is not the way to go. They will be there. If you push them down (e.g. FIGHT them) they will just come back stronger at a later point. I now have a process which somewhat works for me. I accept the fantasy/idea/lust and I watch it. Then I converse with it, as in literally speak with it. I ask it questions, like 'why' and if no answer comes.. 'why that specific thing'.. And if no answer comes, 'why now?'.

    You said you've exhausted all intellectual avenues, you know on that intellectual level it's not good for you, yet your actions betray you.
    I can say this safely, because this has happened to me more times than I can count.

    The 'trick' (if you can call it that) is in self-realization.
    Don't read past that word arbitrarily.
    Don't underestimate what self-realization means.

    It literally means realizing your thoughts through action.
    We think that we can simply nofap, and we expect ourselves to be experts.

    Do you expect yourself to fly a helicopter after never training for it?
    Do you expect yourself to drive a bicycle safely, without ever having trained on it?
    You can intellectually learn how to skate.. but you still need to physically skate as well.

    The same counts for NoFap.
    It's not just a decision.
    It's training, training, training..

    Just like skating, the professional ice-skaters have fallen countless times on the ice.
    You start training that 'muscle' to self-realize, by making it easier on yourself.

    Give yourself a break.
    Realize that you want longer streaks.
    So expect just 1 day longer than last time.

    Most of us here are NOT professional nofappers.
    And it takes a huge amount of time to get there, for some more than others.

    So train that muscle, by realizing 'lesser' and 'easier' thoughts that work towards becoming a better person.
    The more things you self-realize or: Actualize.. the more easy it becomes to actualize/realize more difficult propositions, like blocking an entire fantasy.

    Don't UNDERESTIMATE the power of fantasy!
    There are people that have fought their urges their entire life.
    You will never win that fight; if you make it a fight.

    Instead, train yourself to self-realize (self-actualize) your thoughts and day by day, you become stronger on the 'inside'.
  4. DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

    I disagree with this, I've been having some success by fiercely resisting my fantasies. Remember the old saying: neurons that fire together wire together. The trick is to nip them in the bud; as soon as the seed is planted, it will grow stronger every time you conceive of a fantasy.

    OP you need a strong reason for why you're doing this. Write a document with benefits and read it through every day. Abstinence from PMO must become a burning desire. NEVER AGAIN. Everything depends on this, OP; don't let your future self down. There are two versions of yourself you can create from THIS MOMENT: one where you PMO, and one where you don't. You know that there would be a MASSIVE difference. Think of all the success stories.
    Ginseng12 and DerSchütze like this.
  5. Paranimmita

    Paranimmita Fapstronaut

    Perhaps you need Monk Mode (this is what I am a doing). Part of the criteria involves the 5 second rule - to let go of the thought of sex or women, before 5 seconds. But one needs to constantly keep reminding oneself about this discipline.

    Sometimes the Hard Mode isnt good enough.
    Ginseng12 likes this.
  6. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    I can relate to this. It also 'seems like' stuff like meditation and cold showers don't help.
    That said, I have noticed that the urges go away when I get 'excited' about someting else - usually real world for example I asked a woman on a date and anticipating (not 'fantasizing' but more 'strategizing' ) that made those FMO as I call them, urges go away.

    and yes it seems to have progressed from porn to wanting to 'act out' . Understanding why we get these urges and the need they are trying to fulfill can have long term (not quick fix) effect of diminishing them.

    I have also noticed that overstimulation of ANY kind - even just being online and looking at too many non porn images - can lead to what's called 'dissociation' - detachment from the self - which eventually leads to that behavior.
    Ginseng12 likes this.
  7. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    Yes, it takes awhile to remember it but 'urge surfing' is pretty effective IF You can remember to do it , with me sometimes that's been a big 'if' :)

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